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Is my boyfriend using me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 January 2022) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2022)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. First 2 years were very good. We got along most times a few disagreements, mostly over money.

The last 2 years have been not good. He gets agitated, and annoyed easily with me. He asks for money whenever I get paid. I feel like an ATM. I have expressed this to him and it's in one ear and out the other. He will call me names, if I don't help him. He does work part time and knows I make good money. I also have my own bills as well. I get absolutely nothing monetary from him, not even a card for my birthday or Christmas or valentines day. I'm feeling used.

He wants to move, and feels I should pay his rent. He does not live alone He has a friend staying with him for free while I pay. It's completely unfair and I grew tired of his demands. We're not talking. He puts up statuses about if someone doesn't love you then don't beg for their love. Very hypocritical. It should be me saying that, as I've done far more then he has ever done for me.

Anyone else agree I'm being used?

View related questions: christmas, money

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (15 January 2022):

Fatherly Advice agony auntWhat is your sexual frequency as a couple?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2022):

The only difference between your guy and the Nigerian scammers is that you live closer to each other and give him sex as well as money. Stop moaning about it and end it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 January 2022):

Honeypie agony auntYes, I think he was using you and taking you for granted.

It's not NORMAL that a GF (or BF) gives their partner an allowance. You are NOT married. You are NOT financially responsible for him. YOU do not OWE him a penny! You are not his mommy. If he needs money or wants "stuff" then he NEEDS to get off his arse and get a full-time job/ better paying job, not "beg" money of his more successful GF!

I'm sure you felt you were just being a great GF when first giving him money and helping him out but you get caught up in this turning into him feeling ENTITLED to your income.

Sit down, and think about how much money you have been giving him these last 2 years... Then think about ALL the things you could have done for yourself, family, or even charity for that amount.

" He will call me names, if I don't help him." why did you stay with someone who did this? When is it EVER OK to call your partner names because they said no?!

Accept this as a BREAK-up, if he has anything of yours get it back, and then CUT all contact, block, delete, unfollow, unfriend, and MOVe on!

YOU can do SOOOOO much better, OP!

Chin up, Trash just took itself out!

By the way, I will wager he will try and get back in your good graces when he wants something or wants money, don't fall for it. LET him go. He will apologize and bully you if you don't give in.

He knows he is a loser with no real future, unlike you, so he feels entitled to bullying you for money. Shesh, girl! Let him go!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2022):

You're quite the generous person, a doll of a girlfriend; or you've allowed yourself to be suckered.

Of course he's taking advantage of you, and you wrote us because your eyes are wide-open. You apparently care about him; but that was the guy he was two years ago. He has gotten by on his past merits; but it seems to me, as of the past two years, his credibility is completely shot. He's lazy, and you've become his sugar-mama.

Where does he get-off getting annoyed, because his sugar-mama says no??? You pay all your bills, and some of his too, and he's the one who's annoyed?!!

Seriously, girlfriend?!!

I'd say it's time to wrap this up; and to put-on your metal-toed boots to kick this freeloader to the curb. I know he's your heart, and that's easier said than done. You've had two years of desensitizing, being treated like poop, and he's obviously using you. If he wants to move, let him...but you won't be going.

Girlfriend, did you really need to write DC about this? You've gotta do what you've gotta do! Would you like me to lend you my catapult? It's got a projection of up to 160 kilometers, that's about 100 miles. Is that sufficient?

Enough is enough! Life is too short.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (13 January 2022):

kenny agony auntYo have put up with this for the last two years, i think enough is enough now and you need to end this relationship with him and move on.

He is rude, he is taking you for granted, he is using your for your money, and in return instead of showing appreciation and respect he treats you like something he found on the bottom of his shoe.

You have done this for long enough, and yes he is using you. I don't think things are ever going to change. You need to be strong, step up, and dump him. The longer that you leave it the harder it will get.

Dump him, block him, and get him out your life.

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