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Is my boyfriend addicted to sex? Will he cheat on me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2013)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

It will be our two year anniversary on march 25th. On our year anniversary i lost my virginity to him. Other than me, he's only had sex with one other girl (or claims so).. and i believe him since he was basically horrible and quick in bed, haha. So it's not like he was always addicted to sex, i think.

Anyways, shortly after that; he started wanting it almost everyday. To this day he sometimes gets horny even when i just smile or hug him. i've told him many times that sometimes i just like to cuddle, but it seems like he doesn't listen, and i almost always go with it, but he can tell when i'm not in the mood.. especially because i don't get that wet. Yet he still continues to try, also, i've found myself complaining alot.

He's two-timed me once in the beginning of our relationship (the furthest he's gone with her was a kiss before i found out, i've done all the snooping around) so i'm really scared that if i don't give him sex, he'll find someone else that will :(

I love him with all my heart, but i'm deadly afraid of losing him to someone else because of this problem. I don't know if it's normal for guys or not. I know i'm not the prettiest girl in the world, even though he tells me so, so how could just one smile make him horny!? he could do so much better and maybe find someone who actually wants to have sex all the time, and i'm scared he'll realize that.

I guess what i'm trying to ask is.. is this normal? and do you think he'll cheat on me?

View related questions: anniversary, horny, in the mood, lost my virginity

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany + , writes (5 January 2013):

You are being way too nice to this guy.

It's not unusual that a guy is always horny, but you can still demand respect from him. Having sex when you don't want to is egoistic and if you let him treat you like that, you basically tell him that he can do whatever.

If his definition of "doing better" is finding someone who gives him more sex, he simply overlooks what a relationship is about and then you should be happy to be free to find someone else. His qualities as a lover don't seem to be so high that you can't replace him.

He already started to cheat on you once, so it's possible he will do it again. But this is NOT your fault. Cheating is the cheaters' fault. Period.

Maybe you can also talk this through with him, but you should NOT be too nice and willing to make too many compromises in the future.

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A female reader, kyoko88 United States +, writes (5 January 2013):

I say put him to the test. Trust me, guys want sex every waking moment of their lives. My boyfriend and I are apart weeks at a time, as he's military reserves and I go to college in another state. He's not a sex addict, but a typical guy. Still, he should NEVER pressure you into having sex. My boyfriends knows that sometimes I'm too tired or not in the mood. When I'm away I trust him not to cheat on me. And when he gets really horny, I tell him to just give me a call and I'll give him some help, aka phone sex. I like that he thinks of me, not other women in Playboy or porn, when he's in the mood.

So put him to the test. Deny him sex for a week or two. Be coy and flirtatous about it so it doesn't seem like punishment or being cold towards him. If he gets angry, this could be a red flag for a boyfriend only using you for sex. If he plays along and finds it tantalising (my boyfriend plays along and tries to turn the tables by leaving dirty notes on the bathroom mirror), then that's a positive sign that YOU are a priority, not sex. Sex should be fun and comfortable, not painful or a chore.

I'm worried why he tries having sex even when you aren't wet enough. That's dangerous and could hurt you. You don't want to rupture anything down there simply because he was horny. Tell him to back off if he hurts you again.

Again, put him to the test. If he gets mad at you and cheats on you just for sex, he's not worth it. You don't want to love a man who won't live you back. If he cheats now, after you are married and busy you might not always have time for sex. He will cheat then too?

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A male reader, CMMP United States + , writes (5 January 2013):

If wanting sex every day means he's addicted to sex, then there is a serious sex addiction problem among teenage guys in this country.

If he's going to cheat it will have nothing to do with whether or not you slept with him the night before.

In a relationship both people have needs. His seem to revolve around sex, yours probably revolve around more romantic things. Balance is important, that's why guys take women out for a romantic evening which often ends up in bed.

If it's just all romance and no sex or all sex and no romance then someone will be unhappy.

Talk to him about it. If you end up losing a guy who's only interested in sex what have you really lost?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (5 January 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIF you choose to continue putting out for a guy because "...i'm really scared that if i don't give him sex, he'll find someone else that will..." .... then you have established a "relationship" based on HIS preferences.... AND (more importantly) based on the MILLIONS OF TESTOSTERONE molecules that are coursing through his pubescent body!!!

NO GIRL should do that.... so don't be one of them!!!!

IF/WHEN you are intimate with a guy... do so because IT IS RIGHT FOR BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!

Good luck....

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (5 January 2013):

rolfen agony auntJust tell him no when you don't feel like it, and for him to be pushy shows some selfishness and immaturity. Even if you say no and he respects it, it can be annoying for you to have to say no repetitively - assuming it happens often. At this point you have to talk it through with him, and if the problem remains after a while you will need some distance.

I don't know if it's normal - and I don't think there is such a thing as normal - I don't also there there is such a thing as sexual addiction. Yet in any case, assuming there is, it is much better then being addicted to drugs or some other things, in my opinion.

And one more thing, if you "loose" him (ie he leaves you) just because he realized that he can get more sex somewhere else, then you're not loosing much!

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