A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am "seeing" a army guy who has just recently been deployed. I thought we had made a connection before he left and we said that we would here for eachother and talk on msn.However when i emailed him 4 days ago, i did not get a reply which is understandable. But yesterday when i logged onto messenger he was online, i said hi and got no reply. He left two minutes after.I've heard from people in the army that some times men do not want to get emotionally involved so soon as they are often told that some one will wait for them on the other side. but that does not always come true.Is this true so it may just be that i need to give him more time and email him every so often to assure him that i am here for him to talk to. Or is it that he is just not intrested?
View related questions:
msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thanks for your replies...he ignored me straight for couple of days and i thought that's it
had my girls by me and i was going to give it another go we started talking.
but i stopped it i said forget it. nto worth all this hassle. if it's like this now obviosuly there could never be a future. so i said bye and meant it. he's not what i'm looking for, and vice versa i think. but it's all good.
i'd rather wait for a good guy then be with some one who wants me to meet their needs, but he can't show no affection to me.
but your right its a experince and thanks for being there, your opions helped alot expecially to pick me up. thanks irish49 as well :)
xxxx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 February 2009):
 Don't put it on you. It's not a money you want to own. Like I said before just because you see him online doesn't always mean that he is sitting in front of his computer.
You put the "ball" in his court. He can then choose to do what he wants wit it. The thing is, it's so hard to know what someone i thinking when you can not see their faces when all you have is the written word.
He might not want to start anything while he's there. It's a high stress environment and the soldiers there truly have to focus 100% on their jobs or people can get seriously hurt, people they in turn have to trust to keep them safe while deployed.
You tried. That doesn't make you a cow. It makes you an optimist.
Chin up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): If you keep on thinking that " you're a cow-you're stupid"--then that's just plain demoralizing and self-degrading. Hun, you just went through a life experience, that every one of us, out here, in the world, has been through and hey.. we get through it and life goes on. So stop thinking you are stupid, hun...you're not. You still have your life to live and there will be lots of opportunities for you to find a nicer, more decent guy. Don't allow this sod to have so much darned power over you. Your self confidence, your pride has taken a bit hit. But you will go on..so please don't allow anyone to ever have this 'control over your life'. He just wasn't the one. So now, view this as a chapter in your life story that has just ended (not happily) but it is time to move on because it's your life, nobody else's. You have all your friends and family who all love you. Dedicate time to being with them and they will comfort you and help you to take your mind off this. I am sorry and my heart goes out to you. Just don't put yourself down..gosh, I really think females have to stop allowing life's disappointments to take them down, in this way. Be strong and believe in yourself. Hugs to you. xxxooo
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for your repleis but it wasn't worth it. i wasn't to be honest. i cared for the sodtoday he came online he was a little angry about his internet. i was understanding as i am.asked him about his feelings, in a nice way no reply...asked if he was okay 20 mins later..no reply...i said to him just want fun..reply.but he stopped and i thought u know what i've never done no harm to no one and this is too much.so said to him ill be on msn at 10 germeny time. if u want to talk 2 me do or email.if nto take that as bye don't want to ad pressure u've got enough already. but i keep to my word about bein here for u but depends if u want me here.came to that time, he was online all day i went off and online..he never spoke to me even when i askd hm. nothing i'm worth that less that i don't even get a bye ;(so i said to him im going to block and delte you otherwise ill talk to you.bye..he went offline as soon as i blocked him.. i emailed him the valentines email i had ready..sayin i was goin 2 send you this.hope u find some one that care's in the future for you.this last email ever.and thats the end i told him he was the only guy i was going to trust. and i feel like a worthless cow to be honest/ so stupid i would have stuck by him honestly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto Irish49 i agree with you completely.He told me that he would still have msn there and always be here if needed.That's why i didn't understand at begining his distance towards me. i don't know any1 who is friends or realted to him.He did say that it would be busy. he was finding training very hard and this is his thrid year there. He is on the bomb team, make the bombs for the soliders to use.But i will try again on valentines day that way it's been over a week from when i first emailed him and hopefully will get some feed back from him concerning where i stand. If it's no where then it's all good :) things happen.thanks xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): One thing I do know, is that the Army, in most countries, like the US, Canada and the UK... are very committed to providing a strong supportive environment for soldiers and their loved ones to remain in contact, in order to keep a soldier's morale up and he can thrive, better. One of these ways is contact with loved ones at home. Do you know any of his friends and family? If so, has he been in contact with them? Did he explain to you that contact would be minimal or not at all possibly, during his deployment. If he didn't, I guess I'm just wondering why he wouldn't tell you this.. as connection and contact are very, very important to the loved ones back home, as well as to the soldier, himself. We can't tell you what is happening. My suggestion is this: Give this 2 more weeks. Email him a friendly, nice note twice per week. Keep checking MSN to see if he does log on. Try and speak to him that way. If there is no contact from after 2 weeks, you need to stop contact and re-evaluate. Perhaps, he's not into a relationship at this stage of the game.
One doesn't know for sure what he thinking, or doing... but I do know, that when a man is genuinely interested in a female, he will find a way to contact her. Why? Because he would not want you to wonder why he's not in contact with you. We live in the age of internet (wireless), cell phones, landlines, text messaging, military radios and on and on. You can keep trying but please, don't deny yourself an opportunity to get on with life and finding another interested person, if you feel you cannot wait for this army guy. But if you do this, let him know. If you don't want to do that, Emily has a good suggestion, write him and ask, where you both stand. Hopefully he'll get back to you soon and give you the answers you seek. Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did post this reply, but it hasn't shown up for some weird reason.
But i want to say thanks for all your help :) you're giving me a insight into some thing i know nothing about e.g how things are there. I was thinking after looking at all your opions and my own feelings.
I might send him a email on valentines, i'm going to leave this whole situation that#s happening now because it may be out of his control. Might send him a email, attach some lovely songs, make conversation then stick this in quietly e.g
"I know ur going through alot with the army and everything, but i feel like were becoming closer and i want to know if u feel the same, i just want to know if its worth getting closer to u and holding on but if you dont feel the same please just tell me"
and leave it with the balls in his court.
And the letter thing, well he never mentioned that at all to me i don't mind anyways. it's not my place to bring it up really. His choice and i respect it just hope it's because he doesn't like writing letter :) thanks for everything people.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your replies, honestly it is helping. i am going to give him one more time on valentines. Nice email some songs, and then i'l ask him about his feelings but in a nice way not over the top way just subtle and leave the ball in his court.
Just the thing about sending him letters, well he's never mentioned that and it was never my place to bring it up because end of the day it's his choice if wants to talk or not and i respect that.But i don't know hoping that's because he doesn't like writing letters or something else.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (3 February 2009):
 The most likely reason for him not to chat to you on-line, is because the internet facilities are so poor out there at the moment.
But he could also be trying to distance himself from you, for your own protection. Communications have been hacked, and malicious e-mails sent to soldiers loved ones in the past. I hardly used msn, because it was slow and in-secure. Keep sending him e-mails, but expect the main form of communication will be via BLUEYs the forces free airmail letters.
Don't expect a letter every week. Remember he is doing a very hard job out there and it's so hot that you start sweating just getting out of bed, so writing letters is a real chore. Don't take it personally, we are all as bad as each other. Every soldier wants loads of letters but we're so bad at writing letters ourselves.
Don't get hung up on the e-mail/msn thing it really is crap.
...............................
A
female
reader, loopylu33 +, writes (3 February 2009):
My experiance with Army Men is that they have alot of things going on and alot of things to deal with... almost like when there away with the army its like there in a different world.
If you have emailed him then he knows you are interested... I would be inclined to almost forget about him and move on... If he is interested or wants to catch up when he is back then he knows how to contact you. I wouldn't suggest you contacting him again unless you feel you need to for closure and simply say ''take care and contact me when you can, it was nice meeting you'' So your closing it off yet in away leaving the ball in his court.... good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 February 2009):
I don't know where he is deployed to but let me tell you the MSN connection in the Basra COB is CRAP. Almost none of my messages would get through to my hubbie so we stopped using it in the end.
Write him a bluey and ask him where you stand.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 February 2009):
It's kinda hard to know what's up with him. First up if he's deployed there are so many tings going on where he is at that usually starting arelationship in not high on the priority list.
The fact that he was logged in but didnt talk to you can mean all kind of things. First of They could have gotten a commo black out - he could have had to run to the bunker.. LOTS of reasons as to why.
If you are interested write him an email. If he is interested he will get back to you. Just don't forget that he is Deployed and some places are pretty darn dangerous, so he might be a little more worried about his life then offending you by not replying asap to an email.
It's no picnic to be deployed. Some really do detatch emotionally when deployed, so give him some time and see.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): i think it may be true what the army person said. it seems logical
...............................
|
