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Is kissing considered cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 November 2008) 30 Answers - (Newest, 19 July 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Is kissing cheating? Just how bad is it to kiss (make out with) someone else when in a VERY serious relationship?

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A female reader, bigdreamer United States +, writes (19 July 2010):

i went through the same thing with my boyfriend. so i would say, it is considered cheating.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008):

Well, I don't know what the rules are in general for cheating, but here are my and my wives rules about that.

If my wife kissed another guy (and she has), and it is a kiss on the cheek, or even a quick kiss on the lips (she has done that with really close friends and some of her ex's, with my blessing) that is fine. It is just closeness between two friends or people who care for each other on some level that is not sexual.

However, making out kissing, moved that caring up to a sexual level, and that is definately cheating. End of story. There is a difference between caring about someone, and having sexual feelings for someone. Sometimes that line gets blurred, but making out kissing is not even questionable, it IS cheating.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008):

I feel ya I was in a VERY VERY similar situation. But the person who kissed was my husband and he did it with one of our really good friends. They were in the garage wasted and he was in mid sentence and she kissed him. That one was stupid and excusable cause of all the story with that. But the other kiss was different me and my husband DONT or sorry DIDN'T communicate at all. We are now. But then he was figuring out our marriage and he used that first kiss to do it again and if he felt nothing no guilt or feeling better about leaving or just feel something not for her but for us or something else he was done. So they did it again and it was short and awkward and not anything you would think a kiss should be. So I guess what I am saying is what kind of kiss was it that makes a big difference in the situation of it all. You really need to talk to her and see what she was thinking because if she did it cause she likes him then you need to be careful cause that could lead to another and then a step further.

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A female reader, Oblivia Sweden +, writes (28 November 2008):

Oblivia agony auntIt sounds like real, proper cheating to me. I'm sorry, you must feel very hurt from this. I know I would have.

Did you talk to her about it? If not I still think you should. If she has done those things, then she doesn't respect your feelings at all and if I had been you I would have wanted her to know that I don't think it is ok to treat me like that. Stand up for yourself in this and find out what is going on.

I hope you will sort it out and come to a good decision on what to do. Remember there are many good girls out there and you will find someone much better for you if you were to leave your girlfriend over this.

Take care and tell us how it goes!

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A female reader, pepper27 United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2008):

pepper27 agony auntHunny yes this is cheating no two ways about it love, I'm so sorry you had all these plans, I hope you can sort this out and find the right thing for you sweetheart, my ex husband did a quick romp in a bush I mean it lasted not even 5 minutes as the girl he did it with was a friend of mine (she told me what happened one night after a few drinks well after he had gone)..But he would speak to me about it..And I hate it when someone says BUT IT MEANT NOTHING!!!! If it means nothing then why would you ruin something that means everything..I'm so sorry hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A female reader, iloveyoubrian11 United States +, writes (28 November 2008):

iloveyoubrian11 agony auntthen yes thats cheating

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A female reader, iloveyoubrian11 United States +, writes (28 November 2008):

iloveyoubrian11 agony auntif i caught my boyfriend kissing another girl i kick the girls ass and his

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm pretty sure he has fondled her naked breasts also!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008):

You bet it is, its always leads to more and more, another kiss then another kiss,Would you think you were being cheated on if roles were reversed, bet you would.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (27 November 2008):

tux agony auntIf it was a makeout session, Yes it was cheating... A small peck well that can be excusable as not..

Now a drunken kiss, may be excusable to a point. Being drunk should not be used as an excuse.. You are in charge of how much you drink and the situation you are in for the most part while you drink. 1 time might be excusable, but when it becomes a habit.. it's unexcusable cheating.

@Anonymous:

It's cheating regardless if you previous have agreed to it as cheating or not. It's an unspoken/unwritten agreement when you enter a serious relationship that you are not to do it. It is only not cheating if you agree it isn't to begin with. By your method, having sex with another person isn't cheating either until you agree it is..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008):

sorry 2 b a contrarian BUT kissing is only cheating based on 2 factors - what u EXPLICITLY agreed negotiated as cheating and IMPLICITLY if Barbara knew that her kissing someone else would really hurt you then she owes a duty of care to not do so. if Barbara did not agree what cheating was with u (open relationship) or did not know u would be hurt it's a misunderstanding. I KNOW it's a stretch but some people r way different. under any circumstances u have some real problems. good luck

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A female reader, jaime90 Australia +, writes (27 November 2008):

jaime90 agony auntif its happening on many occasions i would say yes break up with her. I can understand if she kissed him once when she was drunk, was very regretful about it then you may stay with her but if she is doing it again then you need to really think about whether you can deal with it, she probably will do it again. poor guy!

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2008):

it's bad...very bad. i would be heart broken if i found out my bf had made out with another girl

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A female reader, xxaziexx United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2008):

xxaziexx agony auntyes, its cheating.

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (26 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntI didn't mean to be smug but I agree it came off that way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

I also can not tell you whether to break up with her or not, but I would have to advise you to hold off on any plans of marriage until this is resolved, if it ever is. I don't think it would be wise to get married with this uncertainty over your heads.

Good luck on this and I symphatize with you in this situation.

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A female reader, Oblivia Sweden +, writes (26 November 2008):

Oblivia agony auntI'm sorry! That sounds pretty bad and also sad. Did you talk to her? Does she know that you know? I can't tell you whether to leave her or not, it is your decision to make, but I do think you should talk to her about this if you haven't already.

Good luck, and take good care!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Barbara has made out with this other guy both sober and drunk, without my knowledge and we are in our 20's. (and are/were planning on getting married)

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A female reader, Oblivia Sweden +, writes (26 November 2008):

Oblivia agony auntDid you talk to your girlfriend about this? It is pretty bad to kiss someone else when in a serious relationship and I would say it is a form of cheating, but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to break up with her. (I got it as if it was her kissing someone else?)

If you talk to her and tell her that you know and how it makes you feel and let her tell you about what happened, then maybe you could find a way to forgive her? It could be worth a try?

Good luck and best wishes that you two will be able to sort this out!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

of course it is...if i found out my bf has kissed someone else Id break up with him on the spot...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

I wrote my response before your followup was posted. It would depend on what her intentions were and the type of kissing involved. If she was passionately kissing someone in a way that indicated that she might want sex with him, then it needs to be addressed and discussed and might be a bad sign of her intentions.

It might also depend on whether she was drunk or sober. If she was sober then I would question her true feelings about your relationship. If she was drunk then I would question if I could trust her in the future when she goes out drinking.

If it was a short kiss at a party where others might be doing that then I wouldn't worry about it at all.

"Now you know and there is no excuse to play dumb about it. lol"

I wonder if Teacake is still smug and laughing now that it is clear that it was your girlfriend doing the kissing and not the guy.

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A female reader, lilgirly Lebanon +, writes (26 November 2008):

lilgirly agony aunti think so..

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (26 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntYou breaking up with her or her breaking up with you? If you don't know what's correct at this age, then you are too young to even be dating.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

In my point of view and that of my wife, there are different levels of cheating and their effect in the feelings of your partner. Let me list what I think are the different levels that might be considered cheating by some:

There is the harmless flirting that lets someone know that you think they are attractive. It is the kind of flirting that friends might do.

There is the type of more serious flirting that someone might do at a bar or a club when they are trying to pick up someone for sex.

There is the kissing that you asked about. That could also be broken down into the peck on the lips or the more passionate kissing.

The last level is sex, whether oral or intercourse.

Neither my wife nor I consider the more harmless flirting as cheating in any way. It is done to feel attractive or lat someone know that you think they are attractive. We have both done that, both while dating and when married. I have known women friends who have flirted with me and me back with them. There may be a sexual attraction there, but no real thought of having any kind of sexual relationship.

The last 3 levels are cheating to some extent, although I would not be greatly bothered if my wife did the more serious flirting, but I might be concerned that there was something wrong with our relationship and that she had ideas of actually cheating. She also feels the same about me in this respect.

Kissing is either cheating or not depending on the type of kissing. We both used to go to after work day before Christmas parties, where there might be kissing, but it would be the short peck on the lips. Neither of us were bothered by that and did not consider it cheating. However, long snogging would be considered cheating, although I would be less likely to be greatly bothered by her doing that then if whe were doing the more serious type of flirting at a bar, club or party.

Sex of any kind is cheating, unless the couple have an open marriage or some understanding that permits it.

Another way to look at the definition of cheating is that it is cheating if it is done without the partners approval or knowledge and not cheating if the partner knows and is fine with it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Would kissing someone else be grounds for my breaking up with Barbara?

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A female reader, lilgirly Lebanon +, writes (26 November 2008):

lilgirly agony auntyea kissing is considered cheating 100%

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A female reader, KickRox United States +, writes (26 November 2008):

KickRox agony auntYes kissing is considered cheating from my point of view.. Kissing can lead to so many other things...sex!

You just don't go around kissing people..there has to be some kinds feelings and/or attractions towards that other person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It was my girl friend (we are in a very serious relationship)who did the making out!!

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (26 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntIf you are in a relationship, even flirting with another girl is as hurtful as kissing and anything else. Giving your affections and interest to another is very hurtful to the one who loves you.

Now you know and there is no excuse to play dumb about it. lol

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A female reader, pepper27 United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2008):

pepper27 agony auntHi Hunny

Kissing is very intimate it is very passionate and also loving, So yes it is considered cheating in my eyes love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXX

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