A
female
age
30-35,
*ayyz
writes:me and my boyf have been with each other for over 3 years and he really is such an amazing guy but he has anxiety problems which he has had for over 2 yrs and it has hit our relationship hard. He never goes out or does anything but sits in the house all day. He was made redundant last yr and never looked for another job and brings in no money. He is trying to get benefit but tht isnt enough to get us thru, if he even gets it.I cant rmember the last time we went out and enjoyed ourselves and if we do go out its round his sisters and do wot we do at home. nothing. my parents offered to pay for us to go on a holiday with them this yr but he wont go so i have to go by myself. if i ever go out and do anything i have to do it by myself. i tell myself i might as well b single. half the time when i am at work i get a txt sayin to go to the shops and pick up wotever he needs. i received nothing on christmas day and on my birthday i still got nothing not even a card and spent my birthday food shopping but i didnt have the money to pay for it. that was my 21st. technically i cant go out i have no money and its all i think about. i wish he would get a job but he wont. i wish he would then treat me but he wont. i jus feel i will b stuck here forever and i cant do it n e more. i feel so depressed and everytime i talk to him about it he doesnt say n e thing so i turn it into an arguement and he doesnt say anything.i asked him to prove to me why i sould be here last week and im still awaiting the answer. nothing changes when this happens tho and he now acts like nothing has even happened. im banging my head against a wall and i cant cope anymore.i knwo he is a good man and i used to be able to see a future with him. part of me still loves him but the other half jus says leave.i want to have a home and a family with him but cant even consider it i need help plz
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): thanks for sharing. a man who does not feel super stressed for not being able to earn enough and who is not busting his ass 24x7 to earn is not good enough. please move on, but don't regret if he somehow becomes a millionaire 10 years later. that's life.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 You need to think of your future. If the future is bleak,then you have to think of leaving him. He is not going to change or make any efforts to improve your life. He has lost his will to live.
Why do you want to sacrifice everything for a lost cause? In the end, all your efforts will be futile and wasted.
Save yourself and find some one better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Your bf has oroblems that require specialized help ,not only the anxiety disorder but it sounds he's also depressed,or maybe he has social phobia ,anyway if he does not seek treatment you can't fix these problems for him.
You are being patient and supportive, and I think that if you don't leave him is also because of guilt,maybe you feel without you he could not cope. But some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. If you stay around supporting him financially and catering to all his needs and taking on you the responsibility for his life- in the long run you are not doing him any favour, you are just enabling him to perpetuate his disfunctional behaviour and preventing him from having a normal life again.
(This of course assuming that he is really sick- and not simply lazy and irresponsible ).
I feel that you have duties toward yourself too. You can't accept to be stuck at your young age in such a hopeless situation that pretty soon can leave you totally drained and making you depressed too. You need to take care of yourself . Don't throw away your life in the name of "love". This is not love, it's codependence. Love cannot survive in such an unbalanced situation ,it's a mutual give and take, because both people want to make each other happy more than anything- instead he does nothing to at least make a few steps in the right direction .
Ask him to seek help- psychiatric help and tell him if he does you will there for him all the way . But if he refuses, you 'll need to let him go.
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