A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really need advice.I have been maried for 18 years.my question is we have one dissagrement I would really like it if my wife would wear a little mascara, eye shadow and lipstick.Not everyday just like three or four times a year.l love her she is beautiful.l just have always liked the way it looks.I understad she dosn't like to wear makeup I don't think what im asking is above the line.Am I asking to much?* Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I would personally be offended if my b.f asked me to put on makeup... He tells me that I look beautiful without it. I wear makeup when we go out somewhere like to a restaurant or somewhere special. I don't put it on for him but only for myself, makes ** ME ** feel good.
Accept your wife because you love her & that means every aspect about her (no makeup included) Beauty comes from within and I think after 18 years of marriage... you should know this by now.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 July 2012):
 I go both ways on this.....
I wear makeup most days... there was a time however when I did not go out of the house without it. Now I will even go to work without it... to save time mostly...
it is time consuming and messy and a bunch of other things...
if she doesn't like it that's one thing
if she's allergic or sensitive to it that's another issue
perhaps she does not know how to put it on properly.
I too suggest that if you want her to wear it for special occasions (dinner out for birthdays and anniversaries) then a treat to a spa sounds wonderful... a facial, makeup application (and or lesson) and a lovely hair cut...
but don't force this.
if she did not wear makeup when you met her and married her then you really don't have much of a leg to stand on... we can't expect a person to change from what they were when we married (and accepted) them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): You do know that you may well be slowly grinding down her confidence in her appearance right?
I don't know why no one else even thought to mention that before me, I would never put my girlfriend under any pressure to change herself for me when she's perfectly happy the way she is.
You're basically asking your wife to paint a new face on herself because you think hers isn't pretty enough as is. Weird.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): I have to say I'm the opposite, I prefer my girlfriend without makeup.
OP it wasn't too much for you to ask once, twice at the most but you really need to stop pushing this.
That's not on and you need to respect her decision. If you came here asking whether it was too much for you to ask for wife to have her breasts enlarged and then told us you keep bringing it up and putting pressure on her people would tear you a new ass. Well this is no different, not even slightly different OP because you're constantly telling your wife she could look better if she does something you think would make her look better.
"I would do anything she asks why is this such an issue."
Oh really? How aout you shut up about this then? Or is that the one thing you won't do for her, because she's made it clear she wants you to drop it and while you talk about her understanding how you feel, why not try understand how she feels? She's not your trophy OP that has to bow to your will and make herself a type of beautiful you think she should be, she's happy with the way she is and frankly you need to let this go or you really risk giving her the impression you're not happy with how she looks.
Everyone has been really gentle with you here OP because women think all women should be a slave to makeup as they are if a girl is happy without it then why make her change? You may aswell just tell her she's not good enough.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 July 2012):
 I wear makeup every day, I love makeup. Putting it on is my favorite thing to do in the morning. It's time consuming and requires a lot of focus, thought, and money and it's very easy for me to see why many women would not want to do it. It's just a hobby, like any other. What if you loved DIY Home Improvement. You wouldn't ask someone else to partake all the time, would you?
There is no objective "is this asking too much" or not. To some women makeup is not a big deal, they can take it or leave it. So for them it probably wouldn't be too much to ask. For some women, makeup is an enormous pain in the butt and feels weird and for them it is too much to ask (you definitely can feel the weight and bulk of eyeshadows and mascaras, the lipsticks have a taste and a feel). The only person who can decide is your wife, and she's decided it's too much to ask. I personally would be extremely offended if my partner was constantly asking me to "improve" my appearance, unprovoked.
If you want a special occasion, set up a special night out and arrange for a spa and salon day for her with a massage and facials and other relaxing things, after which you'll pick her up for a night out. If it's too pricey, splurge on the spa, skimp on the dinner and dress up to go to some exciting hole in the wall with great food (like a great taco truck, and then have a picnic). Just be prepared she still might say no and you do need to respect that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): Maybe she tried it as a child and made herself look like a clown. Some women as children never had a chance to play and experiment with the delicacies of how to put make-up on. She may be too embarrassed to let you know why she refuses. Maybe she would be willing to tell you what her experiences with it in the past were or what her thoughts on make-up are for herself and on other people. Make-up can be a lot of fun. I do not wear make-up as I am one of the lucky people that does not need to but also I grew up in a family that did not care about such things. I wished to experiment but my husband liked the natural look so I have never been in her same position. I believe that if you had her best friend go to the mall with her and suggest trying the free make-up styling they often offer there where the lady behind a desk will do the make-up work for her so she can see it afterwards and so that they can sell more products that this might entice her to try it if it is a matter of not being certain she can pull it off herself. They give good tips on how to place the make-up on too to best fit her natural features which might be what she needs to hear. Seeing your response to her outing might encourage her more to get it done again there or try it herself in private for you. Maybe she would like to see what kind of make-up attracts you and how you became so interested in that look as well. I know I would try to learn more about it and put it on occasionally especially if we were going out to someplace special or if we were going to have a private special evening together. It would be for you she was doing this so doing it for our private time would be more likely. Some men look good in a little make-up as well. I am a straight forward simple person but when I see kids (boys) who will try the eyeliners, I love it; it just makes them look super to me. Odd for me to say I enjoy that maybe, since I have never had associations with people that enjoy the eccentric way of life. I like that they do not mind socially what others might think either, they just do it because they like it. I certainly hope she gets to the point where she would at least consider trying it once for you in the future and that you might get a photo of her to pull out for your own personal pleasure too to have in later years. (not for others to see of course as that is a gift she would have given for you privately.)
...............................
A
female
reader, Puffalapeno +, writes (26 July 2012):
I am 38 years old and I've worn makeup maybe two or three times in my entire life. All of those times it was applied by someone other than myself. I personally detest the stuff, I don't like the smell, I don't like the way it feels or looks. Could it be that your wife is like me? I wouldn't know the first thing about putting that stuff on and it looks foreign and bizarre on me when I see it. It actually makes me feel even more self conscious than normal. I don't think that you're out of line for asking her to do it, but put yourself in her shoes and realize that if it doesn't make her feel better about herself then it's not worth having her do it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kittykatt988  +, writes (26 July 2012):
Lots of nice responses here, I agree though if she doesn't have a reason to dress up she won't. I wear makeup most days but go that extra mile when I go somewhere fancy. Don't force it on her she may resent you for that
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): Bit of a stale mate situation going on here.
I don't think you're being unreasonable or asking too much of her, but at the same time if she doesn't feel comfortable wearing make-up and doesn't want to, then she has the right to refuse.
Just think of something that you would feel uncomfortable wearing, and imagine how you would feel about wearing it 3-4 times a year because your wife wanted you to.
You would likely think she is being unreasonable and she should understand and respect your decision to refuse. She probably feels something similar to that.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (26 July 2012):
 If she flat out refuses no matter what you try to compromise with her on, then you're probably never going to change her mind. The harder you push her, the harder she'll push back.I wear cosmetics on a near-daily basis, but one of the things my husband does to encourage me to go that "extra mile" in dressing up is really going all out to dress up himself. He never asks me to kick my prepping up a notch, he just makes sure he looks his absolute best, and I like "matching" him in dressiness.I think perhaps if you want to subtly encourage her to dress up a little is to make an occasion where you both really need to "black tie", and go out and really get yourself dressed up with really nice new clothes, haircut, etc. If you do this, it may encourage her to "dress up" with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 July 2012):
 Hmm...I have an idea.
If you're wanting her to glitz up a couple times a year, this is the perfect opportunity to take her out on a high-brow night on the town. You know, the limo, the fancy clothes, the expensive restaurant and cocktail lounge, the swanky boat cruise, etc. Want her to make herself up? Best thing to do is give her a reason! That's kinda like asking someone to use the fine china once in awhile for no reason.
So, want to see her dressed to the nines? Take her out!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): You're not asking too much and I understand that you wish she'd put in a little extra effort on special occasions. However, if she doesn't like to wear makeup and won't, then that is that. It's like her asking you to wear something you simply dislike. Even though wearing makeup is common, she just so happens to dislike it and it's rude if you keep asking. But perhaps buy her a little gift such as an eyeshadow set that specifically brings out the color of her yes. Tell her you bought it for her because it will bring out her beautiful blue/green/brown/etc eyes and you would love to see her wear it for your anniversary/etc. But if she still refuses then you'll just have to accept it.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 July 2012):
 Hi
I dont think its asking too much at all,most women love to make an extra effort when they are going out at night, to look a bit more glamorous. Seems you have picked a rare one that doesn't.
Think your going to have to accept your wife is not one of them.If you keep mentioning it she will just dig her heels in even more.You could ask a female relative to buy her some make-up for christmas or birthday. Make up enhances what we have so it makes good eyes look great, a mouth look prettier, I dont know why she is so against it but she clearly is.
...............................
A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (26 July 2012):
Forgot to add, if when you two met 18 years ago she wasn't wearing make up. Don't expect her to change. If she hasn't worn it throughout ur marriage already then its just not her. It has to be something she's into. And threatening her with the notion what one woman won't another woman will, or constantly buying her makeup gifts can backfire or worse cause her great distress and depression bc she will assume she is not attractive to you. As a woman I would be offended if my partner constantly brought me make up products. Respect her and understand that somethings will not always go your way. There may be something she wanted of u but had to compromise on as well, only she will know. If u love her inside out, let this go. Holding onto it can do more harm than good for the both of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (26 July 2012):
If you understood she doesn't like it then you would've drop the issue. It's a bit selfish of u to request it knowing she doesn't like to wear it. What if she thinks platform boots are sexy on men and ask u to wear them knowing it was something u weren't comfortable with. Yes you're being unreasonable. You can't conform her to fit u. You love her bc of her uniqueness and individuality, keep it that way by allowing her to be her. You just didn't marry a women that enjoys those things so accept the good with the bad, this being a small bad.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSounds like good advice her argument is she is beautiful beautiful without and just flat out refuses. Everytime this gets brought up she gets really mad. I would do anything she asks why is this such an issue.One date night out I feel important to her the next day in with a little soap back to her natural beauty.I mean really If she would understand how I feel what e it would do for our relationship from my point of viewings.
...............................
A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (26 July 2012):
Well you cant make her wear it if she rly doesnt want to. I dont think you are being unreasonable, why dont you suggest once a year for your birthday she wears make up for you, that can be your gift and you can go out to dinner or do something. Have you talked about it with her? Propose that just for your bday and maybe idk your annivesary that she wear makeup for you. But again if she doesnt want to its something you have to live with.
...............................
|
