A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so some people are gonna think I'm mad for this post.. But is it right to trust your gut instinct?Basically about 3 months ago this man I was seeing just stopped speaking to me, no reason, no nothing, just didn't turn up one might when we were meant to meet and has avoided my calls/texts etc since.Now I know what everyone's thinking, he's ignoring you, that gives you your answer, he doesn't wanna know you etc etc but I'm not convinced. We're still friends on face book, he hasn't deleted me. A lot of his status updates are along the lines of 'I wonder if you still ever think of me' or similar, and he often copies my status updates (not word for word but he'll put something very similar).Now I'm a big believer in fate, what's meant to be will be etc but I'm also one of those people that truly believes if you can't get over someone or you can't get someone out of your head then there's a reason for it. Although I'm happy in my life now, I think of him often and wonder what he's up to, I believe there's a reason I can't get over him. Is this totally insane? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Your not mad, you just don’t’ want to have another failed relationship behind you so you hope that your interpretations are correct and he’s somehow sending signals to you that only you can interpret.
Granted he was rude to just stop seeing you by standing you up with no explanation or apology. Now you say he’s avoiding your calls and texts.
STOP calling and texting him in fact, delete his number.
STOP stalking him on facebook… in fact, UNFRIEND HIM and BLOCK HIM so you can’t see him and he can’t see you.
Stop trying to interpret everyday events so that they meet your expectations and desires.
The reason you can’t get over him is you don’t want to. Block him and move on, you’ll get over him quick enough.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 March 2013):
 I think you are totally wasting your time. If you want to be happy with your life then de-friend him and STOP looking at his updates and posts.
Get of Facebook and go out and LIVE your life.
The reason you can't "get" over him, is because you keep him in your life by "stalking" and "interpreting" his lame Facebook updates. Put him BEHIND you, he already did.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): The reason you can't get over him is because you believe there's a chance and also you won't stop checking out his facebook. That's not fate, that's not destiny, it's a simple matter of not having closure because all he did was start ignoring you and you're a dreamer so you're the type of person who will not let go of hope unless a guy outright tells you to fuck off.
OP all those cryptic messages he posts are about some other girl, why would he ignore you if he missed you or be sad about losing you when he can still have you?
OP you're mistaking gut instinct for hope. Hope comes from the heart not the gut. Gut instinct is actually the part of you that is in the back of your mind telling you that this is not good, it's not going to work out. You're actually ignoring your gut and living in hope.
Look obviously being ignored is not enough for you, so message him on facebook and get some closure, ask him why he stopped contacting you etc. If you're right and this is fate then you can't ruin it by anything you do can you? If it's meant to be then can piss on mother while she's asleep and he still be yours forever. Yeah, fate isn't really a thing OP is it? fate means whatever happens is going to happen and there's nothing you can do to change it but there are plenty of ways you can fuck up being with a person, so where does fate come into that?
No you see fate is what lazy dreamers use to cling on to the hopeless.
But guess what OP, all that's irrelevant, this guy is essentially a coward without the guts to break it off with you instead he treats you like a piece of shit and just ignores you. Who the hell does asshat think he is to treat you that way and why oh why would you even contemplate thinking a guy like that is a suitable partner for you? He fucked you over majorly and acted like a child OP, you deserve better than that and should not waste your time with men who don't know how to treat you with kindness and respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Fate or no fate, he isn't interested in a relationship with you and that's all there is to it. It's not doing you any favors at all to dwell on it or him. You should remove him from facebook and make an effort to not follow his statuses or life because the more you know about him and his life, the harder it is to move on. Part of the reason you think about him often is because you have these frequent reminders of his life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): I see this in a bit of a different way.
Whatever his reasons were for not wanting to date you anymore or take the realionship any further only he has the answers to. But what struck me more was that you were, and are willing to accept and forgive his exit. He was not man enough to be upfront and break it off or cancel the date/meeting with consideration or respect. Instead, he didn't show up and avoided you thereafter.
Why on earth would you want a man like that in your life for and why would you want to hang on to something that is clearly not there? Your fate is not the man. Your fate was meeting this man and learning that you need to love and respect yourself and not allow a man to treat you that way. You are completely letting how you felt about him, cloud your god given judgement. You can cut this off cold turkey and defriend him on facebook and put him in the vault as "someone that you used to know" instead of torturing yourself with what he's saying on Facebook. You can't get him out of your head yet because you haven't gotten over him yet. It's not because you are meant to be. You haven't quite figured out why you are not meant to be because you are holding onto what you wish it would be. You need to do other things to keep you busy and not sitting around dwelling on this guy any longer...and maybe while you are out being busy, you will stumble on a man who has you going....guy with no class or character who disrepected me on a date, who?
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 March 2013):
 I wouldnt say 'insane', but as eyeswideopen said, this is futile, and entirely pointless waste of your time.
I do know how you feel, I was dating a guy a few years ago who was so into me, things were going great, then all of a sudden he text me saying 'I think we need to get to know each other better' (I thought dating WAS getting to know each other?!) and then never heard from him again. Then 2 years later, I was signed up to a dating site and guess who messaged me? We chatted and I asked what his reason was for going silent on me, and he said that he got cold feet. So we started meeting up again, we really liked each other still and it felt brilliant to see him again. He was the one doing all the chasing again, it wasnt me pushing to see him. Then he went quiet a few weeks later, he claimed to be helping a friend out who was having a tough time and within a day or so he stopped responding to my texts.
I couldnt believe it had happened twice, I was so upset! So what did I learn? 1. When a guy goes quiet on you, it makes you want him even more, makes you think about him even more etc. So what you think is 'fate', is actually just his behaviour causing you to think about him more. 2. There are some men out there (like my guy, like yours as well) who are emotionally unavailable and they treat women like crap because of their issues. 3. You should NEVER settle for a guy who treats you like crap - regardless of how messed up a guy is, it is simple bad manners to ignore someone and stand them up. Bad manners and a lack of respect are not acceptable, I know I dont want a long term boyfriend who is bad mannered and doesnt have the decency to explain himself.
So as much as you might 'wonder' what is going on with him and want to give him the benefit of the doubt, you have to realise that he is not long term boyfriend material, he is bad mannered and doesnt respect women, he is a big wimp that cannot be honest about what is going on with him, he is emotionally unavailable and most of all he has treated you like crap - so dont allow yourself to be intrigued by this head case.
Dont let yourself get hurt twice like I did, I even tried with my guy to get him to explain what happened first time round and he promised not to do it again, but of course he was so messed up he couldnt help himself.
Delete him from Facebook and move on - there are plenty more men out there who are not messed up and who wont mess you about. Dont waste time on head cases like this, he will only ever hurt you and you will wish you hadnt bothered. Take control of your own 'fate' and dont put yourself into situations where the only outcome is you getting hurt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): HI there, eyeswideopen is spot on friend.Your post is certainly not making you appear "mad" at all but you do need to move on. This guy clearly is making it clear from his actions that this is over. Sadly facebook and the like can cause confusion in these situations as being friends with someone on social networking sites can make things less "clear cut" but you do need to accept that on this occasion it hasn't worked out....but there's plenty of others to find! :-)Many of us start out believing In fate, I know I did, in relationships but after a few situations as you have described we tend to think a little more, if this is the right word, realistically. The fact that he is putting things like "I wonder if you still think of me" is his way of wanting his ego stroked. Most of us find it feels good to have an ex still think of them as they feel special, important and missed. It doesn't mean the we want to get back with them. Im sure youll quickly move on and find someone really great! Best o' luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Not insane but definitely futile. Don't waste any more time or energy beating a dead horse. Force yourself to move on, don't look at his stupid Facebook page and try to get busy with your own life. Key word is busy.
...............................
|
