A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 41 and have been married for 22 years. Is it ok for me to have female friends and my wife to have male friends? We have plenty of mutual friends but maybe we need our private lives to help us remember who we are. I have been told that the problem with the girl friendships is you are either sexually attracted or sexually involved with them. I just need to be happy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 You should be true to your friends, male AND female, and never turn your back on them. It's not like you get married and then it's "depart from me, I never knew you" to your opposite sex friends.
You MUST remember, though, that they are FRIENDS and that your spouse deserves to know the truth about what's going on. If you have to sneak around to do something, then it's not good. Of course it is okay to have platonic friends, but you must be sincere with your spouse. You can't have any relationship without trust.
A
female
reader, Georgia13 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 just b/c ur friends with someone of the opposite sex doesnt mean your atrackted 2 them, sometimes friends of the opposite sex can be great cuz u can ask for advice abt what gift 2 give ur wife, sometimes its graet 2 have a womans perspective!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Whether or not to have opposite sex friends that are not mutual friends is a boundary which you and your wife must decide if you are both comfortable crossing. It is neither right nor wrong. However, you must both have a lot of trust in each other and be comfortable with it. Typically, it would not be unfair, I think, to say that any opposite sex friends that you have to be mutual friends. Typically, it could be construed as inappropiate within the context of a marriage to have opposite sex friends that are not mutual friends. It sets both you and your wife up for suspicions, rumors and accusations, if you are not both completely secure about it.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Its how you invest your emotions in a relationship. If you're going to have friends of the opposite sex, then you have to always consider that they are just that: friends. Its the same whether your a man or a woman.
You just have to know what your boundaries are, and if they get crossed, just make a slight correction.
Some people are lonely enough in their marriages where opposite sex friendships can cross boundaries in a weak moment.
Try to remind your friend and yourself that it would be nice, but you still have a significant other to go home to and answer to.
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A
female
reader, Roadster73  +, writes (24 September 2009):
 I think the best thing is to not talk about sexual or emotional things in your marriage with your female friends, that's what upset us ladies when men tell other ladies our personal lives, then it all becomes a bit werid?? And the main thing is be open and honest with her no secrets?? No forgetting to tell her about coffee mornings or lunch dates?? If it's all open and above bored it should be ok?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
There's no problem with having friends of the opposite sex at all. So long as you just remember that they are friends and nothing more. You should be able to be happy. If your wife is worried or anything, maybe invite her to meet some of them?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (24 September 2009):
 You are married but it does not mean your life is over. Your entitled to have friends whomever you choose.
Of course straying is not an option, you should keep your friends at certain limits but to have your own interests with friends outside of your own marriage is very healthy.
It also helps you maintain your own character and independance.
Hope this answers your question!
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