A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal behaviour for a man to insult their friends for putting their girlfriends first?My best friend goes out with my boyfriend's best friend, and the other day the two guys started talking about going to Amsterdam for a lads weekend. However, my friend is going through a difficult time at the moment (a long time family friend only has a couple of weeks left to live at the most), so she told her boyfriend that she wasn't happy with him going away just now because she wanted him to be there for support when the worst happens. Her boyfriend seemed a bit peeved but accepted it, but then MY boyfriend started calling him a p***y and telling him to man up. He thinks my friend is manipulating her boyfriend and ruining his fun!I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I'm really disappointed with him for saying that. I don't mind if he wants guy time, but there are lots of things more important than getting stoned in Amsterdam with his buddies. I asked him about it later and he told me it's just how guys talk. He said that his friend was calling him whipped a few weeks ago because I asked him to spend Saturday night with me (I hadn't seen him in ages) and he was trying to convince him to ditch me to go and get drunk.My question is, is this really normal?! I would never try to get involved in my friends relationship like that - I mean if they want to spend time together I'd accept that it's healthy and normal. I certainly wouldn't call my friend names for putting her relationship first.We are all 26 so not children either. Am I overreacting about this? It just seems so disrespectful.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Perfectly normal trash talk. Nothing to get excited about.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 I actually agree with your boyfriend in this one. A lad's weekend isn't a crime, and your best friend *is* being a bit manipulative here. It would be different if it were a parent or brother or sister who was about to die, but a family friend, and she's having an issue about whether he can go have fun without her?? Sorry, but doesn't your best friend have more than one source of comfort?
Your best friend's boyfriend going out for a lad's weekend now is actually a good thing, because it would recharge him to be there for her when her family friend actually does pass away.
Friends don't insult a guy for putting a GF first if it's an important thing, like if it was a parent or family member, or she was about to go to major surgery or something like that. It's also considered weakness for a guy to show signs to other guys that a girl is running them. The whole "she's got you on a short leash" or the "whipped" comments happen. They don't want to appear emasculated in front of their buddies.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 February 2014):
 It sounds like your boyfriend feels whipped just being in a relationship. To me that's not normal, but normal for people who had not grown up. He cares more about what his friends say and do, than a significant other, or supposedly to be significant other. You just feel like you are an accessory item always waiting until he has free time. He is not done being a child so how can he take care of others' feelings?
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (2 February 2014):
You are over-analysing it. Yes, some men talk like this, some do not. It's up to this guy to be a man and do what he wants to do himself, not what others want him to. His decision and he can deal with the consequences.He is not a p**** yet, but he will be one if he doesn't make his own decisions.One more thing - a "close family friend"? Really? So not a close family member? Amsterdam isn't a million miles away and it's only for a couple of days isn't it?
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