A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend dislikes the makeup and fake tan and painted on eyebrows look. However, one of his exes and a couple of girls that he has been with look like this. And he checks them out fairly frequently. He watches BBW porn and one of the girls he was with looks like that too but he says he wouldn't want to be with a big girl. I'm confused by his actions. We were on a break for a week and he went out and got real drunk and kissed a girl who was wearing a lot of makeup and painted on eyebrows. I don't get it? Am I being silly and insecure? I do suffer from this. Is it normal for guys to fantasize about girls they wouldn't normally date?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 May 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
He is playing on your insecurities. And his ACTIONS obviously doesn't match his words do they?
As for porn, I think you need to respect that what HE watches is private and HIS fantasies. Maybe he watches BBW for other reasons then you think? Maybe he thinks it's more "harmless" to a relationship because you wouldn't feel threatened by that?
It could also be that he associate the "fake tan, eyebrows" with easy sex.
The thing is though, YOU focus more on the women he USED to be with and the FLING then HIM and his actions. He is with YOU, because YOU are you. Doesn't mean you should have to get fake tan and fix your eyebrows a certain way to "keep" him. HIS likes/dislikes is not really about you. It's about him. If he PREFERS another type then you, then I'd let him go. I certainly wouldn't change my appearance to "keep" a guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): The guy is full of it. Your problem isn't about fantasies, and you'll never measure up to anything imaginary.
He is playing on your insecurities and purposely confusing you. He is aware of your low self-esteem, and he is almost making fun of how naive you are. He has discovered your number-one sensitivity; now he can manipulate your feelings. You're trying too hard to please him; so you've become obsessed with his likes and dislikes.
Sister, you're letting the guy play you. He's a tool. Dump him!
Work on your self-esteem, before getting committed to a guy.
You're going to be getting the same lousy results with getting played by jerks; because you lack self-confidence.
You know the problem, then fix it.
If you feel insecure about yourself, you can't handle a relationship. They'll end quickly. Guys will almost always cheat on you.
They'll know you need their validation to feel worthy. Until you change this within yourself, you will go from one jerk to the next. Jerks are in endless supply. Good men avoid insecure women, if they're smart. They'll be drained of their strength by a woman who doesn't know her own self-worth. He'll waste all his time trying to convince her; and she'll never believe him. He'll be forced to give-up.
You're asking this question on behalf of that jerk; as if he's representative of all other men. Seriously?!!!
You have to be strong enough to make your own presence and feelings known in a relationship. If you can't, you'll always get played.
As a man, I know what's real and what's not. I'm not a child; and I can think and comprehend beyond what I envision in my imagination. Men aren't all as stupid as that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): Yes, it's normal. Fantasies aren't something you want in real life a lot of the time. So while that look may be pleasing enough to his eyes for the moment to get him off, he knows how much effort it takes to maintain this look. He already dated women like this, and may have come to the conclusion he wanted someone more laid back the next time around, who isn't constantly worrying what she looks like. As far as the BBW porn goes, it's the same type of thing. It may please his eyes, but he knows it's unhealthy to be that overweight. He wants a girlfriend that's in good health. Also, many times guys have lower standards when it comes to women they would have sex with, rather than who they would want to be their girlfriend. With women they just want to bang, they don't care how long it took her to get ready for her night out, because they didn't have to wait on her. Your boyfriend most likely will never see that girl he kissed again, and he doesn't care about her. He also doesn't think she looks better than you. He knows it's artificial.
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