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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my ex boyfriend's best friend are in love, and my ex boyfriend is stopping the relationship. I've been split up from my ex boyfriend for a year and a half and hes even had a girlfriend for nearly a year, he tells his best friend that hes still in love with me, which is why he doesn't want him to see me. Even though i dint speak to him during this year and a half. He even had the chance to get back with me and didn't. We didn't have a particularly good relationship and he was glad to see the back of me.Me and his best friend have been going behind his back for a while and will carry on as long as neccessary. He feels awful about doing it but we are soulmates and perfect for each other and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. My ex is not a nice person and i have so much anger towards him i feel that i am transferring this anger onto my new boyfriend who is the nicest guy in the world, and i don't know how i can stop, especially when i know they are together and get jealous.They are going travelling together for a few months this summer and then we are going to have a life together, he says that if my ex is not happy with it by then, then its tough cos hes had plenty of time. However I don't see how he can leave his best friend for me because the situation has arose before and he told me he couldn't not be friends with him, but he said that no matter what happens we are having a life together. Am i putting too much faith into this relationship? Is it to be doomed? Is it fair that my ex is making him choose between the two of us?I know i will never find anyone more perfect for me and it breaks my heart.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (14 March 2007):
 Is your ex making him choose between you though? Or is that just what you anticipate happening? You never know! He might be fine with it by the time the issue comes up. Ultimately if your boyfriend was asking for advice about who to choose here I would tell him to choose his friend since friends almost always last longer than lovers but obviously this depends on a lot of factors. You don't say how old you are. If you're under 25 isn't it maybe putting a little too much pressure on you if he dumps his friend for you? What if your relationship doesn't work out and he ends up without either of you? My advice to your boyfriend would be to approach all of this with your ex in the following way. Don't make it into a choice. It's not about him or you. It's about your boyfriend accepting who he needs to be happy. If theyre really best friends your ex will come round to the idea and in time you might all be able to be friends together.
CD
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