A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it's bad if a girl who is only nineteen, has foreplay, but not sex with guys she's met on a night out? Because, my flatmate does this and says it's being young and having fun.She said she wouldn't ever sleep with anyone she just met, she has only about three times brought guys back and had foreplay. I asked her doesn't it bother her that she might never see the guy again and that he is basically a stranger. And she said, it doesn't because she is aware of it and is careful of who she does bring back, it's only when she really wants to and likes the guy. She also defended it saying, she has only done it a 3 times and at least she isn't sleeping around having one night stands, it's a bit of fun whilst she's still young.Is she right, that foreplay is harmless fun and that it isn't that bad doing this with guys you just met on a night out? I do agree that at least she doesn't sleep with them and she is young so why not. But what are your guys opinions on this? Do you think it's bad what she's doing and it is still the same as having one night stands? It seems more people do this than i thought, but i've always thought it's the same as having a one night stand right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I have a friend who is just like that. For me, that is morally wrong. What happened to having a first date and taking it slow to get to know each other? Ever since my friend started acting like that (she used to be a normal, decent girl) I've lost all respect for her and quite frankly I consider her a slut.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 What you think qualifies as a one night stand or not doesn't matter in this. Really. It's her life and if things are cool with her, and SHE judges it to be harmless, then she has a right to do whatever she wants without getting judged.
However, just because she thinks it is harmless fun for her to do it, doesn't mean it'd be harmless fun if you did it yourself. We all have different ideas about what's right or not, and moral codes and values are very individualistic. Which means that for you, doing something like this, would be harmful and not good for you, it'd feel wrong for you and you'd be ashamed.
However, just because you would feel that way about it personally doesn't mean SHE will feel that way about it. You can't assume that whatever you judge to be right or wrong is identical to what everyone else judges to be right or wrong. She's obviously fine with it, so you should leave her to do as she pleases, and she'll leave you to do as YOU please. Live and let live.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (11 November 2011):
You didn't say but I assume that your flatemate has been out drinking first before getting picked up? One drink often helps us relax and feel more confident, but after 2 or 3 or judgement is impaired. Your flatmate could be putting herself at considerable risk and as a friend you need to let her know your feelings. Many assults and rape victims meet guys just like this and if something happened to your flatmate you would regret not saying something. But ultimately what she does is her own business, as long as she doesnt disrurb you unduly.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 your friend*
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2011):
In my opinion, that constitutes as a one night stand. Even though she didn't have intercourse, she still brought a man home did a sexual act with him and sent him packing that night or the next day with no intention of seeing him again. That IS a one night stand.
It may seem like harmless fun until she contracts herpes or the guy wants more than foreplay and rapes her. So you're friend needs to be very careful of who she brings into her bed. Not all guys are clean (STD, STI free) and respect the word "No".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): It seems weird to me, but I really don;t think it's any of your business, or anyone else's either. She is 19 and can make her own decisions, and obviously over the age of consent where you are. As long as she is safe, then it's not wrong, just a little weird in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 November 2011):
 I think she is setting herself up for some real trouble.
Who does that? Invite strangers home for "foreplay"? Bizarre. I guess it's like having loads of "heavy petting" session with various strangers.. I don't get it.
I think she needs to be careful.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 November 2011):
 If she's having oral sex, remind her she can get herpes, which can't be cured and will remain with her until she is dead. Herpes can be passed to anyone she kisses.
She's young, and she's not falling in love or having penetrative sex. It should be alright. But remind her of the dangers of violence from strangers.
Yes, it is like a one night stand. Some women can handle casual sex without getting hurt and she sounds like she knows what she is doing.
It would be better if she at least played around with guys who were friends who you could trust to make sure she is safe.
It's her life, and your not her mother. As long as she knows the score and is aware of all the dangers, then it's her choice.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I do agree that it might as well be considered a one-night stand. Even though she's not actually having intercourse, she is doing activity that can cause infection if she's not getting checked regularly. And as a 19 yr old, that's propably not high on her list of priorities. But if she's going to keep it up, then she needs to look out for unusual changes down there and get checked more often. Foreplay isn't harmless with guys you've just met. They could have any kind of STD, and spread it to you within minutes. She always needs to use condoms, regardless of who she brings back. I won't say whether it's bad or not because I might happen to experience this once for myself when I'm older.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I must say, A LOT of people do have one night stands, but I can't say I've heard of many people having 'one night foreplay', if I'm honest.
When you say foreplay are you referring to everything? Such as a blow job, fingering, him licking her, etc? If so, I would consider that just as bad as having a one night stand in my opinion. It's still doing sexual things with a stranger, I don't see why it should be different just because it's foreplay.
I find it a little strange really, I don't know if it's just me that thinks this but I've always found foreplay to be something more personal, something you'd do with someone you love, or at least know.
I can't say I'd ever do it personally and I've never understood why people would consider it 'fun' to sleep with or have foreplay with strangers, as to me that's my worst nightmare to do it with someone I don't know. But obviously, it's each so their own and as long as no one's in harm, I don't see any wrong in it.
I just hope she's safe whilst doing it, if ever she gets a bad cold sore I should be worried.
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