A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 months (but we dated for almost 2 years beginning in 2008). He recently moved into his own house were he lives alone but he didn't give me a key, which I didn't have a problem with or say anything about but I wouldn't stay the night on weekdays because he would need to leave work before me and I wouldn't be able to lock up after I left.He has suggested giving me the key to lock up and then I return it the next day or giving me the door opener to the attached garage so I can leave through there and shut the garage (which I have done a few times). Maybe it's just me, but I think this is stupid. Either 1.give me a key or 2. don't give me a key and I won't stay over on week days. I guess it just bothers me that I would have 100% given it to him if it had been the other way around because it's just a piece of metal that makes it easier for him to get in and out regardless of my schedule. I told him I wouldn't be over if he wasn't home (what would the point be anyway?) and I wouldn't show up unannounced. Giving me a key doesn't change our level of commitment because we already are committed and I have made it clear that I have no desire to move in so what the heck is the problem here?I guess I just feel kind of insulted that he doesn't trust me with his key but if it was the other way around, I would. I haven't made a big deal about it to him but it bugs me when he says "It'd be great if you were waiting for me when I get home" or "It'd be nice if you'd come over with groceries and cook me dinner" it just annoys me because seriously, does he expect me to just come and sit on his door step and wait for him to let me in? I WOULD do those things if it didn't involve me waiting in the cold like an orphan. In my mind, he can either give me a key or stfu. Am I wrong to feel this way?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Why did you guys break up this last time?
I can see why he has yet to give you a key. You just started back up dating 4 months ago, and he just moved into his new house. Maybe he's hesitant to give you a key because he wants to see if you guys are going to stay together this time around. Or maybe he's one of those anal, borderline OCD people who have to have their possessions right where they left them.
But I do agree that he needs to either give you a key or knock off the hypothetical "if you had a key" talk.
Unless he lives in a shady part of town, I don't see why he doesn't leave a spare key in one of those faux rocks or hidden underneath a plant for you to use.
It's kind of a touchy subject to approach, because you can't demand he give you a key to his home. But you can make a suggestion that he leave a spare key around the outside for you to use.
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