A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in my mid-forties and have a question. I asked a man out for coffee. We hit it off right away and ended up dating for six months. He would tell me how glad he was that I asked hm out, that I meant the world to him, that everything with us seemed just so right and even suggested combining families (after only dating a few months). We had a lot in common including how our marriages broke up, growing up in the same city and health problems with our fathers among other things. We got along really well and had a lot of fun together. I have been divorced for over 10+ years while he was only divorced a year. Everything was going along fine and then discovered he had erectile dysfunction. I sort of noticed something was wrong the first time, but chucked it up to the fact that his father was in the hospital. We tried another two more times with the same results. I decided to break up with him while he was out of town on business. I didn't know how to react to what happened. He begged for me to take him back, which I did and then he quickly pulled away from me. He then broke up with me. I tried everything that month to build up his ego. He told me that has never happened to him before. He is very overweight and I advised that it could have been due to some health issues. He does take sex serious and told me he never slept with anyone that he didn't end up marrying. He did also mention that he was self conscious of his body and had gained 20 lbs. since we had started to date. He did try to make me jealous on one occasion by bringing a woman around to a party after our break up, but has confessed he doesn't plan on dating any time soon. He is concentrating on work and raising his child. I have tried to date other men, but can't find anyone that I really click with like I did with him. I suggested that we try dating again a few months after the break up and he told me that we had no chemistry. One year has passed and we still see each other. My daughter is involved in an activity that he runs. We have had two, two hour lunches in the last two weeks. When we are together, time really flies. I told him that I broke up with the last man I had been seeing for the last three months. He told me he thought I still had feelings for this other man. I know I do to some extent because I talk about him a lot. I told him that we are such good friends now and think that is the best way to start a relationship. He still told me I wasn't the girl for him. I don't believe it. I still think he has feelings for me. He has begun to take better care of himself and has lot 25 lbs. I see that as a step in the right direction. His ex is getting remarried and I hope that will get him thinking. He told me that they deserve each other, which tells me he still has issues. I told him I would be there for him if he needed to vent (his ex is marrying the man she cheated on him with). I was given the following advice. When I give him a hug lean in more to the hug and do things like that. (When he does hug me he seems to give me a little longer one with an extra squeeze). And when he insists that I'm not for him to tell him that he protests too much. I think he is slowly coming around.He even poked me on facebook the other day. He also helped me proof a letter I was sending out along with letting me put him on the list for emergency contacts for my kids school information. Do you think I'm wasting my time or do you think there is hope? Any suggestions on what else to do. What do I do with a man, whose pride is in the way of his happiness? Thanks.
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male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (12 June 2010):
You broke up with him and then you took him back. Did you have any good sex before "he quickly pulled away" from you? If so, then I have no idea. If not, then here's your explanation.
He couldn't get it up and it resulted in the first woman he really liked in a long time dumping him while he was on a business trip. I'm sure he was devastated.
You say his "pride is in the way of his happiness"? No, his fear of his penis failing and getting his heart stomped on is in the way of his happiness.
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