A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I met this man who is 30 and has just come out of a 7 year relationship. He bought a house and lived with his ex. She has moved out but they are now going through settlement. He says it is completely over and there is nothing between them which I believe. He says he is not ready for anything serious and doesnt want to committ at the moment. He says that he just isnt ready to get deeply involved with anyone just yet but that he really likes me and thinks there's a good chance for us in the future. He says that his reason for not wanting a relationship is not so that he can meet other girls, he just doesnt want a relationship for the time being.We see each other perhaps once every one or two weeks with sporadic contact between seeing each other (texts and calls). When we are together we are very connected (no sex yet). And I really do like him a lot.Is he truly not ready, or just not into me? I can't work it out. If he just isn't ready then I can understand that and am happy to just give him space until he is. However, do you think it is likely that he may never be ready to want to be with me? What do you think about this?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 7 years is a LONG time to be in a relationship, especially being quite young when he went into it, (23 yeh?). I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and give him some time aye. You havent said how long you've known been close to him though so its hard to tell if he's just leading you on, but one would think that after 6-12 months in a close "unofficial" relationship that it'd be time to get into the swing of it. The fact that you havent slept together yet makes it sound like he's not using you and is clearly getting something from your company. Give it time, just dont pressure him... but be wary.
A
female
reader, sabgriff +, writes (28 October 2009):
you are so right about not yet sleeping with him because if you do it will be doubly hard to get your self together as we women most often than not attribute sex to a commitment, which i think you so want to have with him already. he is not in a good place right now. you actually have 2 choices here: first is to stay around, be his friend, risk being a rebound fling, not knowing if he will ever truly commit to you. or... second tell him how much you care for him but you need to distance yourself from him and wait until he is ready, you risk of course not being able to see him as much as you want or even him finding a new "friend" to hold his hand as he goes thru this difficult time in his life. but in the end option two sounds better for your heart because if he comes back looking for you in say 2 to 3 months, you will know that the two of you will have a chance at a real relationship in the future.
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A
female
reader, sabgriff +, writes (28 October 2009):
you are so right about not yet sleeping with him because if you do it will be doubly hard to get your self together as we women most often than not attribute sex to a commitment, which i think you so want to have with him already. he is not in a good place right now. you actually have 2 choices here: first is to stay around, be his friend, risk being a rebound fling, not knowing if he will ever truly commit to you. or... second tell him how much you care for him but you need to distance yourself from him and wait until he is ready, you risk of course not being able to see him as much as you want or even him finding a new "friend" to hold his hand as he goes thru this difficult time in his life. but in the end option two sounds better for your heart because if he comes back looking for you in say 2 to 3 months, you will know that the two of you will have a chance at a real relationship in the future.
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A
female
reader, sabgriff +, writes (28 October 2009):
you are so right about not yet sleeping with him because if you do it will be doubly hard to get your self together as we women most often than not attribute sex to a commitment, which i think you so want to have with him already. he is not in a good place right now. you actually have 2 choices here: first is to stay around, be his friend, risk being a rebound fling, not knowing if he will ever truly commit to you. or... second tell him how much you care for him but you need to distance yourself from him and wait until he is ready, you risk of course not being able to see him as much as you want or even him finding a new "friend" to hold his hand as he goes thru this difficult time in his life. but in the end option two sounds better for your heart because if he comes back looking for you in say 2 to 3 months, you will know that the two of you will have a chance at a real relationship in the future.
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A
female
reader, hillbillyash +, writes (28 October 2009):
Hi there,ive just read you Q,and what i think it is,is that hes been in a relationship for 7years and is selling the house they used to live in witch is prob stressing him out as its really stressfull and even worse i sopose when its involving an ex.i wouldent keep asking him if he thinks that things are going to turn in to a relationship just yet id let him get on with selling the house because even thou he's not having anything to do with his ex 'in that way' he still is in contact with her and until she is 100% out of the pic,theres gunna be 3 of u.so i think carry on as u are getting to know eatch other,let him sell the house,then after he's sold the house try askin him out on a date for a meal or something and then because he's not stressed with the house he will beable to have fun and relax then after a few months ask him how he feels about a long tearm relationship if he says yeah id give it ago then well go for it BUT if he still says ohh i dont know if im ready,then dump him and move on as u have feelings to and dont wanne be left twiggeling ya thumbs.hope this helps
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