A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my ex four months ago (we dated six months). I did see him all summer because he is involved with my daughters hobby. We ended up having lunch twice in one week. After the first lunch I was reminded of how much fun we have together. I have tried to meet other men online, but have not clicked with anyone since. It made me start thinking about getting back together. I told him and he kept giving me hugs. He told me he just wanted to be friends, but promised to think about it. I even sent him an email telling him how I felt. I didn't get a chance while we were together. I even told him that I was in love with him. He sent me a message thanking me for sharing. While we were dating he told me that I meant the world to him and that he was so glad that we were dating. I had never had a man look at me the way he did. He would always tell me that things felt right. Just three months down the road he mentioned combining families. Things were going well he did admit to me that he only slept with women, who he ended marrying (has been married twice. I thought that was very sweet. He ended up having a problem with ED. We tried three different times with no luck. The third time he went on to tell me that he was self conscious about his body (he is over 350 lbs.). He also went on to tell me that he had gained 20 lbs. since we started dating. I told him that the problem may be due to health issues related to his health and that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go to the doctor. I didn't handle the situtation either. I got very upset and decided to break things off. He had to go out of town right after that. When he got back, he told me he was very upset and wanted to try again. I decided to give it another chance, but he totally shut down. We ended up breaking up again. He told me it was due to the lack of chemistry. I just don't buy it. He had only been single for one year and went through a very bad divorce. When ever I see him he gives me mixed signals. He seems very happy to see me when we run into each other he always has a huge smile and his eyes sparkle. He doesn't look at any other women like that. He also has tried to make me jealous. He brought a woman to a party and brought his son along with him after only dating two weeks. We kept our relationship quiet since we all know each other. He was very insisting that he would not introduce his son to who he is dating until months and months down the road. Also, he would set himself up to sit by me, while I could not see him. He would also make sure that I would see him talking to other women. I just don't know what he is thinking. Is he sending me mixed signals on purpose or is he just confused? I don't know. I did leave it up to him to contact me if he wants to get back together. I know he had real feelings for me. I think he is afraid. What do any of you think.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Well... I wouldn't ask him, if it were me. You already have and he responded. Asking again would make you appear desperate, and you aren't.I am generally suspicious when I hear people have dated for a short period and are "in love". Maybe you are in love with the idea of being in a couple. Relationships end for a reason and I do not generally recommend people get back together. If it didn't work out for the first attempt, a second attempt is usually equally unsuccessful. While there are exceptions to every rule, people don't usually change that much.There is a temptation we all face occasionally, to overanalyze the tiniest details for hidden clues especially when we want something we don’t think we are getting. Our lives would be simpler if we applied discipline to ourselves and prevented our minds from walking those weird and tiresome pathways.No one is a mind-reader. Yes, it sounds like he is sending you mixed signals, but he SAID he wants to be friends. I will usually be seen advising people to act based on the statements people make instead of trying to read between lines. Being successful at relationships should not mean you have to become a code-breaker or a psychic. Love can be difficult, but that doesn't mean it is complicated.You've let him know you are open to being in a relationship beyond friendship and he hasn't made a move, which tells me he isn't interested. If he wants more, let him chase you for a change. You are worthy of being chased. ;-)Do yourself a favour... Pretend you don't notice who he is talking to. Appear to have moved on. If you act like you don't care, eventually you really won't care.And don’t give up on finding someone new.Another bit of advice I give repeatedly is that the person who is “right for you”, will be a gem. You may need to sift through a number of “lumps of coal” to find that gem, but they are worth it. It will take longer than four months of online searching before you find him, and in the grand scheme of things, four months is not a long time.
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