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female
age
41-50,
*ilkjuggles
writes: This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.We've only had xes twice in all the months seeing each other. The months have been basically spent texting on the phone mostly and stealing moments to see each other for quick hugs, and just hanging out conversing. He would see me everyday if possible..although I couldn't sometimes. He has said numerous times he understood that I was busy and to just see him when I was available. He was always eager to talk to me ..often...we would speak daily...he would frequently text me a few minutes after arriving home from work. He always use to ask me if I needed help or anything. He was supportive, encouraging, motivating, inspiring, caring, understanding, etc... I thought that I was getting an "authentic" person..but I guess I was wrong. I really liked him and thought the feeling was reciprocated. It makes me sad. I am trying my best to move on and accept it....but I'm very confused...and we live in close proximity to one another.Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.I thought he might have been at work at the time, and saw the lights on in his house.I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..He swears that there are no other women..During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???One time during an argument he told me that he was meeting women online to give someone the love that I've never wanted, and he is going to focus on that... or that person..(he's from another country, language is a barrier sometimes) Later on, two weeks of not communicating, he texted me apologizing swearing that there weren't other women, and that he was saying all of those things to make me jealous, and he knows that I care about him now because I was jealous . (I wasn't)Is that a red flag? Was he lying??I do log onto social media sometimes, and his active status is always recently logged on.. seemingly leading to him being on and off the whole day...even when allegedly at workDoes he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??
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at work, insecure, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (11 March 2024):
 The answer to your question in a nut shell is yes these are red flags and yes you should end things once and for all.
Its never really a good idea dating someone within such close proximity as when things don't work out things can become a little awkward.
But what is done is done, unfortunately we can't unscramble scrambled eggs, so all you can do now is look forward and not back.
You will no doubt still see him around so end things as amicably as you can then move on.
Time is the healer of all things, and things will get easier. It might be hard in the beginning but you have to be strong and make sure you don't slip up and go back with him.
End things with him, be strong, you got this.
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (11 March 2024):
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2024): I'm probably the only one who isn't going to age-shame you; I've noticed that peoiple (especially women) in your age range get told they should know better by now.
It sounds to me like you were trying to take it slow. I think the real reason he ghosted you the first time after "xes" was because he wanted you to chase him. His ego expected you to gush over how great his ckid was and how great he was in bed and how you just couldn't get enough of it. That didn't happen (I'm guessing). So he goes back to talking to you but pulls back on the initial flirting and "head over heels" fun promised and compliments. In the PAST he promised a future. In the PAST (six months) he was love bombing you minus the expensive gifts, dates, attention... and now he threatens to see another woman and put it right under your nose that he's going to treat her like a queen. Like you wish he'd treated you. And he'll make sure you think you're missing out because of something you did or didn't do.
Let him go. Don't ghost him, tell him the facts: he stopped talking after sex. He wanted to see another woman to give her what you didn't want from him. That you're only sorry you didn't catch onto his game sooner. That the game is over because you're not talking to him anymore. Then block him. Block routed to him like mutual friends. Change your routine so you're not seeing him so much (do your shopping at a different time, run errands a different day, drive a different pattern to places, find a hobby and get all in, find a place of worship and get involved, if possible include or get closer to your mother. Don't give him the satisfaction of a glance his way when he's with another woman. That's her problem.
I wish you the best, truly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2024): Without over-analyzing the details... He's stringing you along. He finds you an easy target and exploits your vulnerabilities. He believes that your disability, lack of work, having a sick parents AND your age are putting limits to your options when it comes to romance.
When someone is really interested in another person, and wants all the things he said he wanted with you, there's no drama. That person ACTS the way he says he feels. They put their money where their mouth is. Especially when their love interest is in a difficult situation (disabled, caring for a sick parent).
I am sorry that he's doing this to you. You need to focus on your life and stop letting him exploit you.
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