A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a dating dliema and would really appreciate your advice or thoughts!Late last year this guy I know asked me out for a drink, and as Ive always secretly fancied him a little bit, I was happy to go.We had a great time but he told me that he'd just got out of a long term relationship (which he ended) and had just finished dating another girl for a month (which she ended).He said he'd love to go out again, but I didn't hear from him for over a week and then he emailed to say he actually needed some time to be on his own for a while, and wasn't up for dating. I understood, although was a bit disappointed.So, Ive seen him around in the six months or so since, and we text as friends now and again, and then out of the blue last Saturday he invited me out for a drink again.I went and we had a really good time and ended up kissing loads and it was really nice. He texted me the next day (Sunday) to say Thankyou for a lovely evening, and I replied the same and said Id love to do it again sometime.It's now Wednesday and Ive not heard anymore!My question is do you think he will call this time and follow up? I can't help wondering if he is going to just leave it like last time, or whether he perhaps is ready to date now.I really do like this guy, and am wondering what to do, and how long to wait! Perhaps I shouldn't have gone out with him again?Your thoughts would be really appreciated!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 A most excellent plan, dudette! ;)
(Sorry, I should behave more like the mature woman but life's too short not to find the humor in it!)
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou again! That's brilliant lol!
It's also true, as I really don't think I could go through this again!
I will keep my fingers crossed that I manage to seem cool and fabulously desirable but unavailable next time I run into him!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Rejection stinks. Your attitude sounds great though!
As to what to say if he asks you out again. Hmmm. You could say what you wrote, or you could try to turn it into a joke, like, "Well, I'd like to go out with you, but my ego is having a bit of problem saying yes, as it required intensive care with intravenous therapy last time!"
I'd go out with him again only if I had come to grips with the knowledge that he might disappear again. Maybe it would be better to say a polite 'no.' Or treat it as a night out with a girlfriend, i.e. not romantic or a date in any way, just a shared friendly evening. Then NO snogging. ;)
I'd be distantly friendly with him if I were you, but then that's my take on it. You might get other ideas too... You never know, he might have a HOT friend?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Tisha!
Im trying not to take it personally, Im just feeling a bit deflated and rejected today but will try to cheer up!
If he ever asks me out again, should I say something like 'well I would but every time you ask me out you disappear for months afterwards!' or should I just politely say no?
I will be seeing this guy a lot in June as he works at an annual festival in our town, so Im already worrying about how to act when I see him next!
xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Oh, poopy diapers! (As one of my friends likes to say.) Sorry to hear that he isn't interested in dating. Do NOT take this personally, it just means that's he's not interested in dating.
I admire your courage and calm way of dealing with this. At least you know where you stand and can now move on from him.
But poopy diapers. :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, I thought I would give you an update!
I didn't hear anything at all last week, so yesterday I decided to text and be direct, like last time, and said that Id love to see him again and was wondering if he wanted to meet up again sometime and this is the reply I got:
Had a mad week last week, I think it'd be best for us both to just be good friends if thats okay with you.
So I repiled saying no worries, Thanks for letting me know.
So exactly the same thing has happened again, and now I feel so confused as to why he asked me out again, only to not follow up with a second date - again!
Ive decided to forget all about him but am very confused and a bit sad!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2008):
Thanks for the update! Fingers crossed for you. But don't be too disappointed if he doesn't respond as you'd like. At least he's been honest about not being up for dating, and you know about his past breakups, so don't stress about that. It's not you, it's nothing personal, if he doesn't ask you out again. Okay?
You deserve some kudos for having the guts to contact him, and it sounds like you did it just right! Go girl!
I hope the next post has some good news from you!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much you guys, I feel much more hopeful now!
Ive done as you suggest and sent an email with a link to something on Ebay that we were chatting about on Sunday.
I had said Id email him a link, so I sent it earlier in a breezy email and will post back and let you know if I hear anything!
My only worry is that last time I was the one who contacted him first with an email that said 'hey do you still fancy going out again sometime', which then prompted him to reply saying he wasn't up for dating.
I was so disappointed I guess Im bracing myself for the same again, but hope very much it won't be the case!
Thankyou so much you guys xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 May 2008):
I think Tisha is right. Text him something nice, but none committal. Tell him you heard a great joke that you can't wait to tell him, or that you've found a new bar / restaurant you would love to try when he's free.
He'll know you are interested but it will be up to him to get back to you and make a second date.
He sounds like a nice guy, he could probably tell you liked him on your first date and it would have been very easy for him to go straight on the rebound and get into an awful relationship with you when he wasn't over his ex.
But he waited and wanted to do it right before he got you to the serious kissing stage.
If he doesn't text back or tells you he's still not ready then it's his loss. Don't wait for him forever, but I would give him a decent chance. It's only been a couple of days!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2008):
I think you certainly should have gone out with him! He may still be uncertain about dating anyone seriously yet, I don't know what he's thinking. But you do like him and want to keep contact, right?
Why not just text him today, say something light and breezy, like 'had a nice time with you last Saturday. Hope your week is going well! Mine's been hectic but fun. Talk to you later! Gotta run...'
Then you've made contact but haven't asked him out again. The ball is back in his court so to speak, and then you'll know what he's thinking by what he does next.
Hope that helps, and good luck!
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