A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate that I need it, but I've come to realize that when I'm not dating someone, I obsess about dating someone, anyone. I don't particularly want to date anyone. I don't have the time, and there isn't anyone I like. Still I find that I need male attention. What are some ways I can satisfy my need for male attention, without hurting anyone, and to keep it lighthearted? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. I'm not really looking for a light-hearted "relationship." I know the pole dancer thing was a joke, but that might be just what I need, haha. Loads of male attention, no commitments from anybody. Maybe I will apply for a cocktail waitressing job or something. I did that once, and yep, got lots of male attention. It made me something of an a-hole at the time though. I know I'm insecure, and I like to spend time alone, but I can't push away thoughts of men and sex. It's really upsetting, because I want to be able to forget all about it, but I've spent most of my life thinking about "boys," and it's hard to just stop.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 I was tempted to say become a pole dancer..... they get loads of male attention and dont have to be with one.
Anyway that was just a joke. I think you seem insecure to me, and that any attention is better than being on your own. This could stem back to when you were a child, and could have had an influence on what your like today.
There really is nothing wrong with being on your own. If you learn to love yourself, everyone else will as well.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 I'm afraid that getting light-hearted male attention and not hurting "anyone" would require a very delicate balance.
Finding someone who will detect how far you want to go, without any indication on your part, would be very difficult. That's where he could get hurt first: in the definition of the limits. Then, it would still be necessary to know whether he would like to go only that far and never would want any more.
Telling a guy that you want the relationship to stay "lighthearted" might just mean that he will maybe sleep with you while he entertains other interests. That is, from his perspective, what you'd be offering is "sex with no strings attached".
In "anyone", I'm also including you. In this site we have seen any number of cases of people who just wanted to keep it lighthearted but got carried away. What if you suddenly want to go "further" and he says he doesn't?
Hope this helps.
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