A
female
age
51-59,
*orowes
writes:I have been with my fiance for 11yrs, and I really love him. I am pretty sure that he still loves me too. I have some apprehensions about the future of our relationship. About a year ago, I found out that he was chatting with a woman in the UK. I tried to confront him about it, and he lied to me saying she was another guy's wife. I had lost my mom a few mos. before that happened, and I was really depressed, so even though he hurt me, I owned up to some of the blame for that situation. Where he works is a lot of women{office}. He began flirting back and forth with one of the girls at his job. She started passing him notes, and he would reply. Before you know it, he's telling her how much he wants to get to know her outside of work but he wants to take it slow, and they can start off by writing each other on myspace. He told her that if he was alone with her, he wouldn't be able to not be physical with her. {I saw the msg.} My question is, Do you think he is just craving some attention, or am I crazy for staying with him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rorowes +, writes (21 March 2009):
rorowes is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have talked to him about the last situation, and he said that he was flatered at first, and then he allowed it to get out of hand. After the first incident, I can say that I haven't been distant in any way. I was depressed before, and I didn't even realize it. He says he wants to be with me, and it will never ever happen again, but after a second time, I have lost trust in him, and trust is a big deal to me. I just don't know how to let it go. I'm suspicious of everything now. I'm not usually a jealous person, and it's bugging me how I've become behind this. Thank you for responding. If you have more to add, I would appreciate it greatly.
A
male
reader, sometimes ( Iwish)  +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Do whats right for you., Eleven years of being with someone says quite a bit. I should have to spell it out here. Honestly, when someone contemplates cheating it is a form of unhappiness. Most men, on average cheat on their others to get out of a lingering relationship, in love or not. THis isn't craving attention this is looking for it.
Time to call this one out, can't sit on the fence forever.
Smile, life's tests are refreshing, and exilerating. You will find the answers you're looking for when you say what you need to say.
Don't be afraid you've invested a decade plus with this person, you have nothing to lose by this. Talk to him, and never admit blame for being in a place where you needed solace after the passing of someone you loved. He is your man, ask him how he is, find out where he's at in his mind, be honest with him about your emotions, and see this experience as a win - win. Nobody wants to be in an unloved relationship, never settle for anyting but the best of what your really being offered here.
Best Regards
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