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age
26-29,
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writes: I joined a website about 7 months ago (not a dating website, just penpals) and I met this guy on the site and we hit it off as friends straight away. He's in the military and I'm studying at university.While we was on tour in Afghan, we used to send each other letters and he came up with nicknames for me and he never forgot anything that I told him in my letters and emails. About 2 months after meeting him, he said we were just friends. The next thing he's saying that he likes me and he's into me and he's always saying things that in my opinion are more like something you'd say to your gf/bf. I've been playing along for ages thinking it was all a joke and then out of the blue he sent me a message about moving in together and getting married and stuff. I don't understand where he is at... I mean, is he joking and messing about? Or has he changed his mind about the way he feels? Any help would be great, thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 EVEN if HE is serious, it's all bogus... you have not met.
SLOW HIS ROLL... tell him... "slow down, we are just penpals ONLINE and until we MEET and spend TIME together in real life, it's all just fantasy"
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): Depending on what you've been communicating to this guy, it is highly possible that he may have some serious psychological issues.
Young women online are easy targets for online predators and trolls. They interrogate you like a cop. Then go back and review the personal things you reveal about yourself once they gain your trust. They can figure out through your lengthy conversations what your weaknesses are, charm you, and then make a move. They become your friend.
You relax over time, and start to have really intimate conversations. You talk about sex, your insecurities, favorite color, and past relationship. They use these things to manipulate you. Watch out, and be very careful.
You know it doesn't make any sense that he would make such a huge leap from one end of the spectrum to the other. You don't understand; because it's illogical.
Tish-1 and janniepeg are on-target with their advice. Listen to these ladies, they're the best.
You said you weren't using the site for dating, stick to your original plan. Make yourself available and socialize on campus. Create a support-system and a circle of friends.
Why would you need pen-pals with a campus full of people from all over the world, all nationalities, and from every walk of life?
Do you have a social anxiety disorder that prevents you from interacting directly with people? It doesn't make sense that a university student would need to seek online pen-pals for friends.
You should be dating guys your own age, and stop hiding behind your smartphone or other devices; because it's easier to make friends, using your online profile to substitutes for your real personality. Build trust in yourself. Don't trust people online.
Being so young, I guess you may be away from home for the first time; and making friends is a little scary. Maybe you're shy. Not knowing anyone makes you feel isolated. Push yourself to get to know people and make friends. Enjoy going out and having some fun with real-live people. You have to create some life-long friends, and collect great memories to cherish when it's all over. If you don't, you'll look back and wish you had.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 February 2014):
 I think you should take a big step back and get on some real ground here.
This guy is messaging about moving and getting married and you haven't met yet? That's a huge red flag. Whoop whoop whoop all sorts of alarm bells going off bing bing bing bing don't ignore them.
Take a look at this post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-has-disappeared-and-i-am-very.html
I would focus on meeting people at uni - you are in the very fortunate position to be able to study and make friends with people your age - rather than trying to find friends online. My experience is that the friends you make at uni become lifelong friends. Online friends may become lifelong friends but I have serious doubts about guys who go from "zero" to "let's get married!" in a few weeks…. as I can't tell your online friend that he's ridiculous and a freak I will tell you that he is ridiculous and desperate.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 First thing he said, that you are just friends is a disclaimer for the second one. He wants to have the girlfriend experience without actually being your boyfriend. I would take it to mean that he wants friends with benefits. It's the vagueness that makes you stay and wonder if there's something more, because if he's more direct then you won't give him the time of day. If a guy wants someone to be his girlfriend, he would make sure she knows. Without an official title she is going to date other guys and surely a serious guy doesn't want that.
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