A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant - about 14 wks. Last night the father of the baby who I dumped 5 hrs prior - just after work, for not taking care of romance and for ringing me less and never having any time for me anymore. I felt he could have been using me so I broke up with him straight away as hard as it was for me. He was supposed to take me to the cinema last night but it never happened cos I found he was being weird and I just went by my gut feelings. He left saying he was getting a taxi home. But he didnt in the end.5 hrs later he turned up to my front door drunk...legless..sticking his tongue out at me like a child. I said do you feel better now? he laughed and walked off. He then rings my doorbell again and shakes his bits as if to say do I want sex. I told him no straight away cos he was not respecting me. He was about to pass out on my door step so I let him in and propped him on the couch. He was in bits on my couch. While he was out of it he received a txt from another woman - who I work with! WHO I like as well. A nerdy woman. I couldnt help to read it - I thought I was doing him a favour! She said I am upset. It read am not at your beck and call. She was giving out to him for not seeing her for a coffee this morning! which is what I had been complaining about before the breakup that day. I thought she is txting this at 22.50. If you were not dating her she would have said this during work hrs THAT was the issue I had with him. I demanded an explanation. He said nothing. I then tried to ring her from his phone but his phone was out of credit. I then stole her no from his phone and rang her. Told her how I did not know of her and that I was seeing him and how he turned up on my doorstep drunk etc. She cut the phone on me. I told her what had happened calmly but now embarrassed. I think he must have tried to see her FIRST but she said no so he turned up at my door step so I feel like I was the last resort option! I flipped out completely I threw him out. I lost it altogether. He had to pick his stuff off my front garden lawn crawling on his hands and knees. I had him picking his stuff off my lawn on his hands and knees. She cut the phone on me - I dont think she could stomach to hear anymore - fair enough but I feel she did not know about me. I just wanted her to know he is not to be trusted. I told my parents. They been trying to calm me down ever since the incident last night.I slapped him across the face again. I read this mail from her AGAIN. I felt so stupid. I threw him out of my flat immediately. I had tucked him into my couch like the way you put a child to bed lovingly. I was more sickened that he simply would not provide a coherent explanation. I thought well... if she is just a friend she will just say...but that fact is she cut the phone on me like as if she was upset with him. I work with her! I actually like the girl. I come to work today even though I didnt want to and out of coincidence see her name on my door with her opening hrs. I felt sick again. I wanted her to know his antics. I feel like shit here. Really shook up. She must have txt him back to say to him she was pissed he had not gone to the coffee with her. She told him she was not at his beck and call - she wrote I am upset. So I instantly wondered if he put her on call divert. I was infuriated he gave me no explanation. I told him you better go or your stuff gets chucked - he didnt think I would do it so yes I chucked him out royally. Threatened to cut his socks up in half. Threw his socks on his head and said see how you like foot blisters. Dragged myself into work but not feeling good at all. Didnt get much sleep. Totally traumatised by this - what do you think? I dont think I over-reacted. I even asked my parents. Do you think I over-reacted?? but my dad was more pissed he had arrived drunk and late at my flat on a working day...knowing I had work the next day. I have dragged myself into work even though both these people work here.She didnt say if she was going with him but she sounded like she was pissed he was ignoring her calls or mails. And the sort of why arent you taking me for a coffee in the morning. EXACTLY the same prob I had with him. If he has been cheating on me. HOW can I overcome this now? and with his baby on the way...I am faithful to him. I dont see myself with any other man either. I dumped him out of self-respect cos he was acting differently - going to gym more etc. The sex never dwindled but I wouldnt do it with him until I felt sure of him. ALSO if she was just his 'friend' then why didn't she just say when I rang her?? why cut the phone and get upset??? I told him to do himself a favour and tell the truth for all our sakes but he just walked off...what now?? how can I recover from this?? how can I ever speak to him again now that this has happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the thoughtful and sweet responses. Yes I think why I am finding it hard to forget what has happened was cos I found the whole thing so sudden and traumatic. I feel in a sort of shock - after all he did not even care enough to call when he got a voicemail and one e-mail saying I want you to know 'I have vasa previa again irrespective of where we stand'. No reply. For a man who once told me he 'loves me to bits' I find it upsetting to think that perhaps that what he said was BS. Its bad enough to see the other womans name on the office door the next day out of coincidence. Then to have a bleed. Then to be in the hospital told 3-4 hrs later you have vasa previa. I hope you are right and it moves back up in the third trimester but this did not happen me on the 1st pregnancy and like your mum had an emergency c section but it was too late she sustained the brain damage from the waters and membranes going. If I had her sectioned out before all this - she would prob be alive today. Anyway thank you for your kinds words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): i too wish you well. I had placenta previa with my 3rd child and spent the the last 10 weeks flat on my back. My placenta moved on its own and i delivered normaly at 40 wks. My mother also had this with my baby sister and had to undergo an emergency c~section. Both babies were healthy! They are now 18 ;) Im sure that the doctor will keep a close eye on you. Good luck sweetie, you are stronger than you think, and are blessed to have a support system in place. Keep us posted...and if you need us again, you know where to find us! ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also left a voicemail on his machine this morning saying if he ever turns up on my doorstep again drunk and late at night. NEXT TIME I would call the police on him. I am also sad that he didnt even care enough to give me a call to see if I was okay after he got a voicemail on his phone before that stating how I was laid up in hospital after a bleed. Thank god my parents and friends are great and you guys who write up here too..x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who replied. Legless meant drunk. Sorry and yes I was not myself when I wrote the prob up here. Sorry for any incoherent repeats in my story. Well the update. I am not talking to him whatsoever. Sadly the day I wrote this prob up, I had a bleed and ended up in the hospital. Brown discharge. At 15 wks, have a low lying placenta. Baby thankfully had a heartbeat and was okay but the problem is my first child died from vasa previa that was undetected. I now have vasa previa again on this pregnancy. It starts off with painless brown bleeding from the cervix, a low lying placenta etc. so I am now writing this from my bed. I cant have any sex till the end of pregnancy and have to get the baby sectioned out of me at 35 wks to avoid it getting brain damaged like last time. It just is so unfair - its a rare condition. The fact this is happening me twice in a row...has shocked me. No word from either party but I guess its better to be alone then have this hanging over my head. I still feel pretty upset. I am trying to forget this all. But if anyone can tell me how...I would appreciate it!! thanks again..
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Yes I think he was seeing her romantically (or sexually at least) and he got caught. He had no explanation to give you because what would be the point? He was busted. She hung up on you because she was pissed about hearing that he had been deceiving her as well. You may have a sticky situation at work however, since you have to work with this girl. Perhaps you can write her a note and leave it on her desk when she's away (in a sealed envelope of course) You could apologize for freaking out that night, and just explain that you really like her but you were upset that your b/f and the father of your child was apparently cheating on you. The two of you may be able to salvage your work relationship and even become friends. Sometimes women team up when they both have one thing in common - a dishonerable man. I feel really sad that he is the father of your child because that complicates your break up even more, but you did the right thing to give him the royal boot. He cannot be trusted. He's young and clearly not ready to settle down, in spite of his looming parential role. You may have to raise this child alone, but trust me you'll be better off to do so without the drama of an unfaithful man in your life. It's going to take enough energy to raise this child in a loving, well-adjusted environment, you don't need the stress of wondering what the hell your immature b/f is doing when you are up at 3:00 AM feeding your child. There will be a guy out there, who will be a better father and when the time is right, he will appear. Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): wowsers im confused! I dunno...he...you...mmm, he's a slimeball. If he's real. You work with them both and are 3.5 mo.pregnant and she didnt know you were a couple...really? He was doing you both and you didnt have a clue? And you made a baby with a legless man who sits on your porch and makes faces at you, yet you gently and lovingly prop him up on the couch and tuck him in? And he manages to crawl around in the yard. Ok, on the off chance this is real, and im thinking maybe it is and you are so upset that you are slightly incoherent...and you meant that he was unable to stand or walk because he was so drunk?incoherency is something i have been guilty of myself under stress.....GET RID OF HIM! Do not be embarrassed. He is a jerk. And you will be better off without him. Your mum and dad are there for you...let them help you. Be strong and dont cave in. Your child doesnt need to grow up thinking this is acceptable. The next few days will be revealing i think so just put one foot in front of the other and take it one step at a time..keep us posted...you can do this but you must calm down...think of the wee one...come on now if you can toss this guy and his belongings out and (roflmbo) even cut up his socks...you are strong and you can get thru this! ;)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Man that was one difficult read!
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2009):
Don't bother speaking to him. He's legally obliged to pay maintenance for your child, so take him for all you can get, because he has treated you disgracefully. The fact that she cut the phone dead along with those texts really proves that he was cheating. Don't worry about this guy one bit and certainly never ever take him back, because he's using you and he's not worth another moment of your time. Spend time on yourself and your baby and make sure you're both happy and healthy. You didn't overreact at all. He's failed you. Just take your time, enjoy being a mum and when you're ready, go and find a better guy. Good luck.
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