A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online with the promise of sex without a relationship. That's great, because I'm a college student that really doesn't need a boyfriend but wants a good time now and then. He lives alone. His girlfriend moved out and he seems pretty lonely. I'm 18, and he's 29, but we text back and forth all the time. We both strike up conversations and joke. Not a problem, yet. I was taking to him about living in the dorm, and how much it sucked. He mentioned finding a roommate for next year, and I told him I might transfer, (which I will not be doing). He said where I wanted to go was lame, and I asked why. He didn't have a reason, so I asked if it was because I would be out of reach. He asked if I was "fishing" for something. I told him that I was just teasing him because he seemed to like having a girl on call. He relied: "Just one." I called him a ladies man and he said not so much. We ended with him saying that he wanted to know what I wanted from this friendship in the morning, because it is late, and we said goodnight.I'm kind if confused. I think he is a great guy, and if he wanted to try to start a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, I would be alright. I'm alright now just talking to him and sleeping over once a week, but I'm confused by what he wants. I think he needs to heal from his last girlfriend, and he needs to get over his social anxiety, but I don't know what he wants me to say. I don't want to ruin this friends with benefits relationship. He's been talking to me about trying to quit smoking, and actually asked me if I wanted to be part of his support group. I agreed. I guess I just need a few opinions. Is he after a relationship or is he alright being friendzoned with benefits?Thanks, A
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 The most important part of your submittal is this:
"I think he needs to heal from his last girlfriend, and he needs to get over his social anxiety, but I don't know what he wants me to say. I don't want to ruin this friends with benefits relationship. "
I "see" you justifying all his mis-behaviour... and validating his not behaving very nicely toward you... AND I think you should ask YOURSELF if you really WANT to be "just" his FWB.
IF you want to be his FWB, then you should, appropriately, drop your care and concern for him... as he neither wants nor needs it. He needs ONLY to have s*x with you. THAT is the total of your's and his "relationship."
IF you want to be "boyfriend/girlfriend" with him, then TELL HIM SO. Say it, make your case, and then leave the decision to HIM... IF'n he sez that he loves the s*x... but isn't too keen on a real B/F;G/F relationship...then YOU have to decide if that's OK with you. If it's NOT; then you have to walk away and not look back...
good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): you need to ask him about it talk to the people in your life, not ours, the best info you can get from the internet is to refer to the real deal now stop reading this answer message on the frigging internet and go talk to him!
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