A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it okay to talk to a guy online that you have really come to enjoy talking to everyday and you could possibly see yourself with when you already have a b/f? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn case anyone is interested...I haven't talked to that person since June 20th. It's like he never existed...b/c i completely 4got about him. I know I was caught in the nice things this person was saying to me. Thanks for your help
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): I was in a similar situation, but from the other shoes, so to speak. I am military, and at the time was stationed overseas. I was dating a woman back in the US. For as long as I could remember, I had never been a jealous person. And that didn't change when me and her got together. It wasn't until I learned of her online relationships and intimate phone calls to other men that I turned a new leaf. Today I am back in the US, and we are married now. I often find myself going to extreme lengths as even to have downloaded a keystroke logger to get her passwords to her e-mail and check it. I found other information out over time that she had lied about from back when we were dating. Since we've been married, nothing has happened, but I am still having an EXTREMELY difficult time developing that trust back for towards her. As of right now having been married going on a year, that is the only thing we have ever had arguements about.
So from my perspective, online flirting/dating/intimate chat is completely wrong if you're already in a relationship. You are 100% cheating. To put it bluntly, if you have the nerve to do that sort of thing to your mate, just end the relationship. Don't put your mate through the heartache of finding something out for himself that he really doesn't want to know. It will damage him AND your relationship for a very long time.
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Yes it is cheating, in a way, you have feelings for another man, the same feelings you have for your actual boyfriend. You imagine yourself being with this guy you met off the internet, that is a cyber relationship, its the same thing as an actual boyfriend. Its unfair. Its just the choice of who you prefer to be with. Good luck. xxx
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (21 June 2007):
 It definately feels good to know we are attractive and interesting to those of the opposite sex. It feeds the ego, the self confidence and just makes us feel good. That is why I said earlier that chatting and even a little flirting is ok. But once you have crossed the line into an emotional attatchment, it has gone too far and needs to be stopped. And if your boyfriend doesnt know about this guy that makes it even more dangerous. It is a secret and that is not a good thing. I am glad you caught this in time before it became a real problem. I wish you all the good luck there is and hope you and your boyfriend are very happy together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow...is all I can say. I so do appreaciate all this advice. As for some of the questions asked of me.. I so love and want to be with my b/f. I know we are two different people meaning i'm the talker in the realtionship when something is bothering me and he doesn't. he ignores it and thinks it will go away. I know that b/c our relationship is a long distance one i get lonely. We travel a hell of a lot to see each other and as for right now i'm cool with it b/c he's in the military. I want a future with my b/f marriage, kids, house the whole shabang. This guy knows im in a relationship b/c i talk about it. He says he wouldn't ask for my number or anything of that nature but im like in my head girl you need to stop.I just was sitting at my computer at work (which is what i do most of the day which makes it easy to chat) when i got a message from this random person who thought my qoute was funny as hell and just kept talking to him. I usually dont respond to anything but i thought this was harmless, its the computer for goodness sakes...hehehe. Not so much when i look back. I knew that i had a problem when i went online b/c i knew he would be on to chat with. I thought at first pure entertainment but now...im like im not so sure. I do know just b/c we share some of the same likes that doesn't the grass is greener on the other side. I almost think it may be me excited about someone else finding me interesting and desirable...but i'm like idiot of course he would he will say what ever you want to hear. Ahhhhh, this so damn stupid. I just needed advice after telling him that i was going to stop talking to him today, b/c this felt wrong and he was like it wasn't wrong all we are doing is chatting, but in my heart i knew this was wrong.I want to say THANKS again for helping weave through my gray area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): No, it's not okay. You are now, emotionally cheating on your bf. Cross gender friendships in real-life or online, are okay but with boundaries. And your loved one should know about this person and have met him. If none of this has happened, then you have gone over the line. Because you are now 'envisioning' yourself being a romantic partner in this online friend's life. Psychologically, you are fantasizing and this online guy is taking over-riding, primary role and is distracting you from the intimate close relationship you share with your bf. If you have never met this guy in real life, then remember, the internet, is such an seductive, illusionary world. You are possibly being pulled into an emotional affair with an illusion...someone on the other end of some elusive computer out in the middle of cyberspace. Even if you know this online guy in the ral world, you do need to get all this in perspective. Emotional cheating is when one gets way to attached to another and they form an emotional bond, like that of lovers. I am wondering what is going on in your relationship that you are allowing this online thing to go this far? Are you not happy with your own bf? Are you lonely? How is your love relationship shaping up? I think you should really evaluate these questions and look at what risks you are taking, if you want to remain in this relationship with your bf. So many good relationships that just needed some fine tuning and a bit of loving care, end up devastated and destroyed because of online dalliances and playing around. I would stop doing the online thing..asap and start living your life in the real world and bonding, connecting with the warm body (Your bf) that you can see, touch and hug, everyday. Good luck.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (20 June 2007):
This is cheating. Chatting with, even flirting with guys, online is ok, but you are having an emotional affair with this man. Does your boyfriend know about this chat friend? Does your online romance know you have a boyfriend? Unless you are being very honest here with both of them than you are cheating on both of them and lying (by ommision) to both of them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): This all depends on whether u are happy in ur current relationship or not.
Chatting with people online can be a dangerous thing. they can come across as the person you'd like to spend the rest of your life with, they say all the right things.. Then one day u meet them, u cheat on ur partner and all goes wrong.. What happened to the nice romantic guy u met online..? where's he gone?
And u get home and are wracked with guilt, and ur current relationship falls apart, leaving u sad and alone.
On the other hand, the online man, could be stirring ur inner desires, and u may use them on ur current b/f..
In the end, the decision is yours and yours only.
Think of others before u take any steps.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 I don't think the question is whether it's ok to talk to someone online. Maybe there are problems between you and your boyfriend and you find in this guy something you don't find in him. The right question is, Do you want to stay with your boyfriend? If you do, then this online relationship is wrong; if you don't, then it's not.
Hope this helps.
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