A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a lot of trouble with birth control methods and I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend if we can stop having sex until we're ready to settle down.We've been together for a year and sexually active for almost all of it. At the start we tried using condoms but he has a lot of trouble with them. They either won't go on at all or they hurt him when they are on. So for several months we admittedly just used the "pull out" method. I decided we needed to be more sensible and so I went to the doctors. I'm very much against drugs and chemical methods so I was told my only option was the IUD coil which I then had fitted. After four months I was experiencing pain with it and went back and was told my body had rejected it so I had to try a different method. I was open to try the pill but I didn't under any circumstances want any injections. Because of blood clotting in my family history the only pill they would let me go on was the mini pill. I've now been on that for three months, however, I hate it. It's stopped my periods altogether which I don't mind as such, but it has given me terrible spot out breaks, I'm very emotional a lot of the time, I'm constantly bloated and I still get period pains. So I may as well be having a period.The main problem I have with it is that I have lost ALL of my sex drive. Since being on the pill I have wanted sex once. Every other time I've not been bothered at all and it's frustrating because I want to want to have sex. My boyfriend says he doesn't mind but I do. I don't feel like me. I used to love sex before the pill. When we do have sex I get bored almost instantly and usually end up bursting into tears before my poor boyfriend can even finish.I think I've run out of birth control options and in some ways I'm wondering if it's a sign that we should stop sex until we're ready for the consequences. But I know if I come off this pill I'll get my sex drive back and I won't want to stop it.I'm so very confused! Any help you could give would be amazing.Absenence Thanks
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condom, drugs, period, sex drive, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 If the problem with condoms is size, then there are different sizes out there. Have you experimented? Birth control pills aren't chemical.. they are hormones. They aren't drugs, they're just hormones. But still, if you're against it you have your reasons. I would suggest you talk to your doctor about a different type of mini pill though, I am sure there are several types of them just like with regular birth control pills? Some you react to, some you wont react to at all. They're different. Some birth control pills gave me break-outs, some work to help against acne. Some pills work wonders against bloating and against menstruation cramps, others make them worse... You just got to try different types.
I think though, in your case, you and your boyfriend should just buy some bigger condoms. Or, invest in a BabyComp. Or use a diaphragm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragm_%28contraceptive%29
Or just not have intercourse, but other forms of sex.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Lambskin or latex free (a different kind of less stretchy plasticy material) condoms.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2012):
 latex allergy.... they make LAMBSKIN condoms... for just such a purpose... helps prevents pregnancy but NOT STDs
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2012):
sounds like he needs bigger condoms...
don't know what's availble there but here I have seen cheap condoms that are really tiny...
there are good name brand condoms
then here they offer MAGNUMS and MAGNUMS XL
try different bigger condoms and see if that helps.
or female condoms. what about a diaphragm? do they still make those available?
IF you are going to play baby roulette... get yourself to a Catholic Church and take the Natural Family Planning class.
You will learn to
temperature chart daily
check your cervix daily
check your mucus daily
chart all of them and you will after a few months learn your cycle enough so that you will know when it is a safer time.... (note that no sex is 100% safe from pregnancy even when using Birth Control Pills properly)
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (23 October 2012):
 If the condoms hurt, try larger ones.
Also, he might be experiencing an allergic reaction to the latex, so you might try non-latex condoms.
Since you're having trouble with hormonal birth control, condoms and spermicide is pretty much your safest bet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for the advice. Honestly he isn't making excuses. He's always said he'd be happy to wear them if they didn't hurt him. They make his penis swell up and sometimes go blue, the doctor has suggested a latex allergy. I was the one that suggested we stopped trying to use them.
I will look into that but my periods are all over the place. Might not be the best option for me.
Thanks again for your help though :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 October 2012):
"They either won't go on at all or they hurt him when they are on."
How about female condoms? Or larger condoms for him? Honestly it kind of sounds like he's making excuses because he doesn't want to wear them.
I have personally never used it, but have heard good things about the LadyComp birth control computer. It's basically more reliable charting. It keeps track of your cycle and tells you when it's safe to have sex and when you need to abstain or use a barrier method. Supposedly it's as reliable as the pill when used correctly. You are really only a good candidate for it if you have regular cycles.
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