A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to make of my feelings. Am i just in-lust, in-like, or in-love? what does it all mean?There is this guy that for the past 4 months or so we've hung out on and off, with a group and alone. It started off really slow, then eventually we made out, which led to us having sex. We've slept together four times over the last 2 months. Somewhere in between those times, I called our "friends with benefits" situation off because i felt like a booty call, but then a few weeks later he was nice and helpful again. he helped me move into my new apartment, we hung out with our mutual friends, and ended up sleeping together again. however, the very last time we slept together he got a little rough and i told him to stop. i had a few bad bite marks and he texted saying he was done with me in regards to sex.we didnt talk or cross paths at all for a good 3 weeks until last wednesday. he came into my work to help my manager(his best friend) with some landscaping...it was awkward at first, but we kept it light and casual. then friday i was hanging out with my manager and his gf playing cards/drinking and we told the "boy" to come over...and he did. we all hung out, it wasn't too bad...actually kind of fun. we played apples to apples, made horrible jokes at all of our expenses, but it was fun. last night was my first night off in awhile at work so i called him and asked him if he had plans and if he wanted to get dinner and hang out to call me later. he texted me, "where you taking me to eat." we went to dinner, i paid, then afterward he claimed he never agreed to a movie and we went our separate ways. i called him and told him that he should invite me over for a movie if he felt like being nice, otherwise he was welcome for dinner either way. he said thanks, but said he didnt agree to a movie. i was getting irritated and told him he was being a jerk...he told me to stop pouting. i told him i was justified because i paid for his flippen dinner and he just blew me off after. i finally caved and said...it was fine, i wasnt mad, i would talk to him later and hung up.i ended up falling asleep fairly early and woke up at 2am with a text from him (from 11pm) reading "you still pouting?"why would he even bother making a last minute effort like that? what was the point of it? why does it feel like false hope?i really do like this guy, i know i shouldnt, my friends all think he's a douchebag. but really do have feelings for him. i am embarrassed to admit i dream about him all the time. i have to fight the urge to text him.what do you all think of this? what in your opinions, should i do?thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Finally, only you can judge. I, like all the other posters here, knew this guy only extremely partly and based solely on your own way if description. Each of us might see him in different and various lights if we knew him in person. Only you seriously can determine whether he is worth or not. Try to be very objective once while thinking about him. Imagine yourself an observer not a player on the board, and tell yourself the conclusion bravely and honestly. Consider all what you had been told here from everyone but remember that we are talking about him only according to your description. Be fair to him, but more significantly, be fair to yourself too.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 What you should do is cutting any contact with him- no texts, no phone calls, no sex - and move on.
What you told us shows clearly that he really is a douchebag,as your friends call him. And a rude jerk that you should avoid like the plague.
And if you don't see that, then, my dear, you are not in-like,in-lust,or in-love;you are just in-sane.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (8 September 2010):
 ur acting like how i don't want women to be acting. ARE U SERIOUS? thats all im going to ask u. U even tryna see if ur in love or in lust? what about him? He sent u "where u takin me to dinner" instead of him being the one to initiate it.and he acted like u owe him.and why the hell did u insist for a movie? now he sees you as a very needy woman. He will try to manipulate u to get what he wants (sex) .stop looking at his little game signs and look at the bigger picture. THIS GUY HAS MADE NO EFFORT TO GET YOU. from now on,stop all the silly dinner plans,he should have offered to go dutch at least,and for gods sake go get this book WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES and stop sleeping with people if u can't control ur feelings. good luck
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Stop Contacting him. Delete his number from your phone, you wont want to. BUt you dont want to be stuck with your feelings towards him. If you give him space and ignore him, if he contacts you, then you know if hes worth it, aka apologising for his behaviour. BUT! I highly advice you to not talk to him, and spend more time with friends and not contact him to hang out, as he basicaly doesnt care about you.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Even at four months is still early days in any relationship. He's keeping you at arms length. Do you feel like you may be coming on a bit too strongly for his needs at the moment. Let him make all the moves now and see how he feels. He obviously wants to spend sometime with you. Make him pay next time though to keep it fair. I'm not too happy about him hurting you during sex, that needs a lid keeping on it as well. Good Luck with whatever you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Ok, this guy is using you for one thing and one thing only SEX. He hurt you while having sex then got mad when you told him to stop? You go out for dinner and pay for everything, he texts you in the early hours of the morning. He's a user my dear and you would be wise to move on to somebody who likes you the way you like them because i can assure you that this guy doesn't give a rats ass about you. What you are feeling is lust, nothing more. He keeps you hooked, ignores you but gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked which is the classic sign of a player. He texted saying he was "done with you" does that sound like a guy who is into you? I think not. Cut him off and let him move on to his next victim.
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