A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help. My husband never allows me to get angry and express my self. He will threaten me with divorce and tells me i am inconveniencing him by causing problems. I bottle up my feelings for fear of his harsh words. I am always sacrificing for him and compromising but he never does the same. His life always continues as normal like there is no other person in it.I have been with him for 12 years and we have a 4 year old daughter. I am a housewife and run a bridal shop. I feel i have invested so much time and emotions into this marriage to just walk away. We have built a lovely house together.In my culture its so difficult to end a marriage. But I am so sad..And he never apologises for bad things he does. Help.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 I don't think he actually wants you to shut up and suppress your emotions. You should be able to express your self, but do so gently. Frustration and sadness are better than anger. Feeling angry is still okay but try not to express anger. Asking for what you want is better than complaining about what you don't get. He doesn't want a divorce, but he has a hard time dealing with your emotions and thinks there is no way out except for a divorce if you can't discuss issues in a calm manner. I also think that counselling can help both of you to communicate more effectively and rekindle the love you both had before.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I agree with SVC that counselling would be a good idea (though he doesn't sound the type to go along with it sadly).
If he won't listen to you, could you write him a letter telling him how you feel?
Do you have a family member or anyone else like a priest/ vicar/ respected elder who could help? It sounds like you're at breaking point, and something has to change for the sake of you and your daughter.
Are you able to set yourself up so that you have some financial independence from your husband, through your business? This could help you a lot if you decide to leave, giving you a safety net.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 call his bluff.
when you get mad and he says he will divorce you say
"that's fine at least then i can be true to myself"
if you stay with an emotionally abusive man (and that's what he is doing is emotionally abusing you) you are teaching your daughter that it's OK to accept abuse from a man... is that what you want for her?
I'm betting he will back down. He's a bully.
I am sorry you are sad.
does he physically harm you or your child?
does he get mad at her when she cries?
is counseling an option?
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