A
male
age
36-40,
*bel S
writes:Hello everyone on Dear Cupid!I have some mixed feeling I thought I'd share. I have been with a woman that is 5 years older than me for 2+ years now. She has a daughter that is currently 8 years old. At the time I met her I was 24 and she was 29. I just turned 27 last week. The question is this woman is a good woman, she has been trying to keep a good house, she has a good job (she makes 4k a month in a county job), and she has always seemed like the kind of person that has high values and thinks things through very very carefully even who's shes with. I have been living with her for the last year and cut off my social life. I make my own money (though she has the better job) as a respect to myself and not be a freeloader.In the beginning when I met her she told me about her daughter and how she had held back dating ever since. I think it woke her up. When I met her I thought she was going to be teaching ME, but I found myself that I was more of the teacher!She is more material, kind of new age modern woman and I am pretty sure she handles alot of stress due to her professional job and having a daughter and such. I have always been the more homestyle, do whats right, values, ethics, old fashion type of person. At first she would offer me dinner plates of organic salads and granola bars, and over time I insisted that it was ok for a dinner of good ol meat and potatoes. I gave her insight on teaching her daughter to read early in life, discipline, and pointing out it would also be a good idea that she should know her spanish (we are bilingual), I told her that now its time to be the best mother to her child and she has taken my advice and she says has seen a complete change (told me). I have sometimes 'sensed' that she feels her daughter somewhat a burden, one day in the beginning she told me, in front of her daughter, "I know I messed up, I know I made a very big mistake."When she said that I was sad but I could only imagine what the child thinks. Everything that my parents have told me stick with me to this day and they always looked at me as the favorite, so proud of me. I could never imagine my parents every uttering the words that "I'm a mistake". I told her this, since then however she changed and seems more motherly. Before, it was as if life was a cheesecake party. I am glad now for the results and even the kid has much appreciation for me and was like a sigh of relief (she is very mature, unbelievable).SHE recently told me a surprise that her daughter has a half sister (by another woman) by the ex guy she was with and that that are only months apart, and he is a meth addict and peeping tom and it shocked me to think that this respectable woman submitted to a dispicable person like that that cheats while she was pregnant. I cant picture her like that so young and it caught me off guard. I got depressed. Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 OK, so she has a past. Not a past she's proud of, and one that harbours regrets. I'm not really clear how you think that should influence the present.
The two of you have made a life together, and you are making the life for her child a better and more constructive one. That's a very positive and affirming thing.
What went on eight, nine years ago -- what does that have to do with today?
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