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female
,
anonymous
writes: so, i met this guy this past october. since then - and, initially, despite my reluctance - we've become extremely close ("close" meaning serious marriage talk). i never thought that i was capable of loving someone so strongly: not the problem. he's 36, i'm 25: not the problem. he's got two little kids, i'm a total bachelorette: not the problem (they're amazing!). he's currently unemployed, i'm just a few months away from being a doctor: not really a problem, since this is mostly due to circumstance. he lives 2000 miles away: a problem, sure, but not this problem. so, what's the problem? i'm totally terrified of introducing him to my totally judgmental mother and, in this way, my roommate/older brother (her totally loyal long distance spy). a former model and current suburban queen, she was met with the disappointment of her life when i broke off a long-term relationship with a handsome law-practicing MD, as she had hoped that we would produce crazy overachieving children together. this break-up was followed by two years of near dating celibacy (med school = not amenable to dating) - much to her horror. and, now, i'm totally head-over-heels with a tubby, scruffy, internet-loving, sappy dad, and i'm paralyzed with the notion that she'll think less of me once she sees the main man in my life. how can i be ashamed of him when he's really been the love of my life? is this proof that i'm just as concerned with appearances as her? how can i break free without losing her trust, respect, motherly devotion? what is wrong with me? any advice. any personal experience. anything. it's all appreciated.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
first off let me congratulate you for finding someone so special to you.
But listen, if you really love him, when it comes to the crunch, you'll be there for him. Go ahead, introduce him to your Mum FIRST not you bro. If he meets your Bro first and he pasess info onto your Mum she'll have judged him before she's met him.
The worst POSSIBLE thing that could happen here is that your mum doesn't approve. So What? You love him, he loves you, you're happy with him and that's all that matters. If she's got a problem. Let her deal with it herself. After All, she can't run your life forever. You only live once so GO FOR IT GIRL
All The Best, And Happy Thoughts,
Phoebe xxx
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 April 2006):
 Whoa. It is up to you who you date and up to you who your finally end up with. after all you aint gonna have mummy there when you wake up every morning to sit opposite mr stuffy *head up his backside* MD are you?
Go for it, enjoy the ride. Just cos you are seeing someone doesnt mean you are going to marry them does it? You might have a fling for a couple of months then decide (either of you!) that tyhey are not for you.
C'mon, get to grips with your mum. Tell her to back off and butt out. Anuhow, why do you ahve to introduce ANYONE to her until you know what you will be doing - if you are going to be together or not?
It is your life. SO LIVE IT!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (5 April 2006):
 I have to agree with the comments of the other writer, 25 is not a baby unless you are so controlled by your mother that you feel you need to justify your actions to her. Does she support you financially?
If you have no ties financially to your mother then you should be free to do what you want with your life. The one thing I could see from her point of view probably is the fact that your man does not earn a living and I think as a parent myself to a young daughter, we all want to see that our children are being taken care of and not the other way round. My sister was in a long term relationship with a man who never worked for a consistent time and she was over 40 but my parents did not approve as they called him lazy for letting her support him, if he is a man he would not let himself be taken of by a woman was the comments my parents made. Prepare yourself for those sort of comments.
If he has the children full time and they are young, it is understandable that he cannot work, if not, then he could do mostly anything i.e. packing shelves if needs be. I think your mother and brother will definitely judge him as it is only natural as they are looking out for you.
At the end of the day if you love him and he loves you then nothing will stop or prevent your relationship from going from strength to strength. Just don't be used by anyone and that includes your family. Make your own decisions and if it feels right for you then it is normally the right decision for you.
The distance is obviously an issue for you and if you don't know what life is like on a day to day basis with him I think it would be hard to judge him and also your mother cannot do that either as she does not know his life on a daily basis.
I wish you well and just remain strong and positive throughout, love conquers all so they so.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (5 April 2006):
 ok well first of all your 25 years old women your an adult what business is it of your mothers on who you can and cannot date?, who cares about what she or anyone thinks, you love this guy and you want to be with him thats all that should matter if she thinks that money,social statues and apperance is more important then seeing her daugter happy then she is the one with the issues here. don't lower yourself to her standards and stand up for yourself women.
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