A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a girl i met at university for 8 months now. I feel that she does not look after herself properly and is very lazy in her approach to life. Eg. she wont eat three meals a day and wont cook for herself. Instead she will snack on things like chocolate and toast and maybe have one big meal a day. We cook together alo,t but i feel that if she was not with me then she would not do it herself. In her first year at university she lost quite alot of weight, and then recently went to ibiza in the summer and lost even more. I am certain it is because she is not eating properly. She is not annorexic or anything because when she does eat a big meal at dinner time she eats loads. I am pretty sure she just has bad routine and is really lazy. Also she has recently been a little ill and when i said to her that she should try not to smoke or drink while she was ill - she just went and did it anyway, which in my opinion is just going to make her feel worse. I have tried to speak to her about both of these things but i cant seem to get through to her. I care about her loads and want things to change so she can have a healthy diet and get better, but i dont know how to get through to her. Please help
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
I did this at uni.
I just didn't bother because buying stuff for meals cost too much money and the kitchen was really cold so I just hid in my warm room and snacked.
Plus the fact that I would just forget to eat! I nibbled at snacks all day so I never felt really hungry.
So yeah, I fainted when getting up and walking up the stairs in a huge lecture hall in front of 100 people. They all swarmed round and the lecturer took my off for a cup of tea and gave me a talk to find out whether I was mentally ill or self harming and of course, everyone on the whole course was talking about the fact that I did look thin and there fore must have an eating disorder or something.
After that I made sure I ate at least two good meals a day and bought some multi vitamins.
You are going to end up being your girlfriend's nagging mother if you carry on trying to fuss like this. Let her carry on for a bit until she gets a scare like I did.
Just tell her you have given up on her and if she wants to starve to death it's up to her. She might take you a bit more seriously when she realises that you think she doesn't care about your feelings. If you withdraw your care then it might wake her up to how much you do for her.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Smokers are able to eat less than non-smokers. Heck, their cigarrette can be a meal to them! My husband's ex-best friend ate one big meal a day usually. He was so skinny! Maybe she's just concerned about her grades more. Think about this, when one area of someone's life is lacking, their is another being flourished with attention. What other area of her life could she be flourishing instead of eating? Good luck trying to get her to quit smoking. My husband smokes, and he is very skeptical when it comes to research done that says that it is bad for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): i have the same promblem. i done eat at all. trutfully i cant wheni do i get sick not bullimic sick just like if i feel full i tell myself im a bad person for eating so much. the fact that she eats a lot when you cook dinner together could be she dont want you to think she has a eating disorder or the fact that she doesnt want you to feel bad she ait eating. if she is maintating a healthy wieght i would not worry about it however to see if she is just being lazy ask her if she knows how to cook by herself maybe she doesnt and wen you cook with her she is ok with that. the fact about her smoking if she does not want to change you cant make her if she loves you or her self she will stop
hope this helps you out!
good luck!!
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