A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 20, and I only feel happiest when I'm in a relationship. It seems like every time I come out of a relationship for whatever reason, I feel like something's missing in my life. I have only been in three relationships, and only one of those was serious, lasting over a two year period.Is this a typical way to feel? If not, how can I feel better about myself during the inevitable times where I find myself not in a relationship?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 You can never be truly happy until you love and respect yourself. What you feel during relationships is a shallow substitute for what you really need.
It is incorrect to use words like "typical" in this context. Many people lead lives where they are bouncing from partner to partner in search of fulfillment. They may even chase that elusive dream of fulfillment by having children, only to find that the relationship with their children is just another shallow substitute for what they really need.
It is more accurate to say that you are not comfortable in your own skin, and avoid confrontation or confirmation of this truth by wearing the love of others. For you, relationships are actually an escape mechanism.
One day, with some hard work, you may find joy within yourself and not need anyone to sustain it. At that point you will look at relationships as a way to share with someone that joy that flows from you. It will be an transformation of attitude that will make you look back at who you are today and say "who was that person?"
You're still young and can take steps to find love within yourself. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 No, it's not a good way to feel. I would suggest getting a hobby, maybe building models or something, something that makes you feel proud in yourself, something that you are good at, because when you do get into a relationship you don't want it to be co-dependent.
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