A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm really to starting to worry about my friend as I think she is losing control. She has started to be in an open relationship with her boyfriend where she can go to bed with anyone but he's not allowed which he is ok with as he gets off from knowing she has been with other guys.Recently she came to visit me in Italy and her behaviour was shocking as she got really drunk and started to come onto loads of men, I was really embarrased and when I tried to tell her it was dangerous where we were and what she was doing she started to get extremely angry with me and abusive. I saw her out last night with another friend and she was completely wasted in a pub and her friend was asking me to help her and that she has been like this for quite some time when she goes out. I had to literally pull her underwear up in the toilet as shw was so wasted. There was a also a very young guy she was rubbing up who I told to leave so we could get her home. I called her boyfriend to tell him I'm worried about her and need to speak with him on the quiet. This morning I get her text from her asking me why I did this.She has also confessed to me that one night she got wasted and ended up waking up next to a man from the pub and remembers nothing.She is a mother and her kids are always at their Dad's house when she is behaving like this. I am so worried for her health, reputation and relationship. What can I do?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Hi
Shes lucky she has friends who care,pity her boyfriend doesn't appear to,he should be dumped.
All you can do is talk to her when she's sober, try and get across how everyones concerned about her safety and talking about her.Tell her shes becoming a liability and her mates won't wanna go out with her. She as an adult, has to make her own choices though, all you can do is try and be there for her.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (23 June 2012):
There’s not much that you can do. You can’t force her to stop behaving in this way, or make her listen to your good advice. This is something she’ll have to work out of her system in her own time. It sounds like this relationship is very destructive and that her boyfriend will be of no help. Perhaps she’s behaving like this to fulfil his fantasies, or perhaps she feels some sense of liberation which she’s taking too far from the open relationship. Whatever the reason, you’re right to be concerned: her reputation, her health and her emotional wellbeing are all at risk. If she won’t listen to you as an individual, see if you can get a group of friends together to jointly raise concerns, planning carefully how to word it so as not to sound overly judgmental so that she clams up and refuses to listen. Maybe if her friends can show a united front of concern she might be more receptive to your point of view. Alternatively, if that fails, you might all have to agree to give her some tough love and tell her that you’ll be distancing yourself from her until things change, because you would prefer not to be in her company whilst she behaves like this. Tell her that the door’s always open and that this is a last resort, but that you don’t want to be around this behaviour. Maybe she needs to realise how much she could lose before she opens her ears and takes some good advice.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 For whatever reason, this friend is going to have to burn herself out with this type of lifestyle before she realizes how reckless she is being and stops. You could try to schedule time with her that would be healthy, but that is my only advice. I had a family member go through something similar and it almost killed her (in a car accident) before she got a clue and shaped up. She even ended up in jail for awhile, but even that doesn't phase her. It was a really long time before she completely reformed herself. This was with the help of family, a therapist, and medication. Try to hang in there and be a positive influence for her. She may reach out to you at some point. It sounds like she desperately wants someone's attention.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 June 2012):
 For whatever reason she's behaving like this, she isn't ready to hear any well meaning advice.
That kind of lifestyle isn't sustainable and eventually she's going to come unstuck.
Telling her to her face obviously makes her angry, so maybe you could write a letter saying you are worried for her and don't like seeing her this way. Try not to be judgemental, just play on the fact that you will be there for her if she needs you.
She isn't going to listen at the moment, but sooner or later you are bound to get a call from her and you might need to get the tissues in and be a shoulder.
Sometimes you just can't make people hear you...they have to learn the hard way.
xx
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