A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is stupid, but I feel conflicted and need some advice. I broke up with my boyfriend as he was starting fights with me too often over pointless things. It was making me very unhappy. I hindsight, we both had a lot of outside stress in the last month we were together, so perhaps that was a cause as it wasn't always that bad. After a month of no contact, and I never thinking we would speak again, he contacted me to see how I was doing. We've sent a few texts since then, had a few phone calls 1/2 hour - hour long and he eventually suggested we met up. We got lunch, talked and laughed for like 2 hours, then ended up back at his place for another hour. He was being a bit flirty like before we got together, but never spoke about us or tried to make a move. I thought he had wanted to talk about us, thus the meet up, but it never happened. He later text me telling me how it was fun and to say thanks. So, what now? I would go back on the condition of an apology for how he treated me and a promise of change in behaviour, though ive never told him. i don't wanna lead him on. Should I bring it up or just keep acting like a close friend?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Just move on. It might be easier said than done but for your own sake just move on. Don't try to be a close friend and don't bring it up. Moving on is the only rational option you have right now. You guys didn't work out and are clearly incompatible so why bring it up? However, the choice is ultimately yours
I hope you make the right one
Goodluck
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 I am sure you won't follow this advice :), but ... I 'd do neither. I would not bother " staying friends " , since it is not friendship you want from him, and I' d try to move on. Exes are exes for a reason.... I vaguely remember you posted before about this guy, and I have got the feeling that this time you tuned down a little bit the problems you had, correct me if I am wrong but the arguments over futilities ( and following lack of apologies ) were NOT the rare exception of a stressful month, but more like the leitmotif of your relationship. This is what he is, this is how he acts : aggressive, arrogant and unapologetic. I seriously doubt that he may have gone through a personality makeover in a month or so of no contact. He'll be the same guy with the same flaws, that for you were unacceptable enough to make you break up. You too are still the same person, and if your personalities are incompatible, as it would seem from the
frequency and quantity of bickering, they will still be after a month.
HOWEVER, if you are so dead set on getting him back.... I don't know, personally I prefer the frank and direct method, say what you mean mean what you say. It's a matter of integrity, why feigning that you care about him "as a friend ", when instead you want him as a boyfriend ?
And if you want your apology , you will have to ask for it expressely , as a specific for prerequisite for being back together.... I mean, the guy never apologized once, imagine if he'd think to apologize NOW, that he's the one who has got dumped ! ( Can't say I 'd blame him on that ....:)
Careful, though : saying "I am sorry " is easy. (Talk is cheap.) MEANING it is more difficult , and showing it by actions even more....
...............................
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