A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need advise how do i get over the guilt of an affair that i had 10 years ago. I worked with my husband in a family business for 12 years. My husband and his family are Italains. I am not. So you can see already there were quite a few differences with us.Working in the family business was very difficult as Italains are very emotional people they blow hot and cold all the time. My mother-inlaw and sister inlaw used me as their scape goat all the time. After 12 years i had enough, my dad asked me to come and help him out in his recycling business as he was going into hospital. Well once i was helping him it was so nice to be able to be my own person no one pointing fingers or ordering me around. I decided that i did not want to go back to work for the family anymore. My husband agreed that i could leave , i think he was releived because of the tension that i was creating at the work. His family were so angry they did not talk to me for 2 years. Once i was out there it was wonderful meeting new people and doing something that i enjoyed. The problem for me was i was so sheltered before, i was not used to men making compliments and flirting with me. My husband did not pay any attention to me at home . After one incident when this one man in question grabed me and tried to kiss me i went straight back to him and told him what had happened, all he said to me was all men try their luck with women i must not get upset with it.I was so upset with his reaction he really did not seem to care at all. Anyway this man in question carried on trying his luck and well then the most unforgiveable thing happened we started having an affair.But i have lived with this guilt forever. It destroyed my marriage in the end i think because i could never really get close with my husband with out feeling guilty. Well to cut my long story short my husband had a affair and i found out. We decided to try and save our marriage but it just never worked out. Until this time my husband did know about my affair. So he was feeling very guilty about his affair and was willing to help me out with money and everything when he left.The man that i had had the affair with wanted me to take him in when my husband left but i had no more feelings for this man at all. He was so angry that i did not want him that he went straight to my ex and told him everything. Well now my ex is so angry with me that he wants nothing to do with me because i had affair, he also had one. But it is different with men i think, they seem to think it is ok with them but not for us women we become used goods.Now i have nothing but this guilt that i have to live with for the rest of my life.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): You were sleeping with your lover and your hb also had an affair. Your hb was wrecked with guilt and gave u everything to make up for his affair. You on the other hand lied, you did not tell your hb that you too were having an affair. You led your hb to believe that only he was at fault.Can you see how wrong you were. Your lover had to be the one to tell your hb therefore your hb is so cut up by this. Perhaps if you told him about your affair, it may have made a difference. Now your hb is angry, hurt and devastated. Why? Bec he came clean about his affair yet u stayed quiet about yours. Honey, this doesn't work. Total honesty and love. I know u are hurting ut u could have avoided this if only you too confessed your affair instead of your lover telling your hb.You were not ethical. You made your hb think only he was wrong when you both were.I hope you can see which angle I am coming from. You actually caused a bigger mess and I cannot blame your hb for being mad.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (17 April 2011):
do you have children?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Time to start afresh for you. You have made a mistake and paid the price. Forgive yourself and move on with your new life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): You made your bed - so to speak.You should have left your husband if you were so unhappy not fallen into another mans bed
But its all a long long time ago and we all make mistakes so stop beating yourself up about it, it doesn't matter what your Ex thinks or says anymore your not married.I doubt anybody else will even remember
Leave it in the past where it belongs and focus on being happy
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