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I'm sticking with it for now to avoid being on my own, what shall I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Help! My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years. We used to have a good time together but over the last 6 months my feelings have changed and we've really drifted apart. I have a son who's 11 from my previous marriage and he has two lads aged 13 and 16. We don't live together or anything and I really couldn't ever see us doing.

I don't seem to find him attractive anymore and avoid staying at his place whenever I can. I really think it's time to move on but feel I'm sticking with it to avoid being on my own as we got together not long after my marriage ended. What shall I do?

View related questions: move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

i am in the same situation but i decided to finish it because it is prolonging the inevitable if the feelings of love and adoration are no longer there they are not likely to come back life is too short to waste time with the wrong person for reasons other than love and happiness be strong and be totally honest with yourself and him because you will feel the anxiousness lift and more relaxed when it is done and dont look back life can be wonderful its just around the corner

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States + , writes (28 February 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntHi there,

It sounds to me like you've lost interest. However, you've been together a long time... maybe you're hitting a dry spell. Some couples go through a year or two or even more of dry spells, but the magic comes back. Only if you work at it together, through communcation and effort.

If you think he's a really great guy, I think it would be worth the effort to stick it out and really put effort into your relationship together. If you don't think he's that great of a catch, the magic really isn't - and never was - there, then you know what to do. Tell him you want to step back out of the relationship.

It's up to you and I think you've got some serious thinking to do.

Good luck!

xxIndia

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntYou know one another well enough so you should be able to sit down diplomatically and have a serious talk with him. Let him know that although you really like and respect him as a person, you can't ever see you being together for the rest of your life, you like him but you're not in love with him. Let him know time changes things and although you do like him, you feel you see him more as a friend now than a partner and lover. Does he feel the same? You might be surprised, maybe he feels the same way and just didn't know how to bring the subject up.

This way it's fairer to everyone, you, him and the kids. You both deserve to find someone who will really make you happy don't you agree?

Eve

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

I wouldn't want to fall in love with someone like you. I wouldn't want to discover that you are one of those who have fallen prey to the belief that hollywood and Society say about love...that it is just a feeling to be in and out of.

I find honor in being a woman who knows love is a verb; it is more than intention-it is action and commitment.

That when you have fallen out of love; you do your all, give your all, be your all to fall back in love.

It is what we expect so readily from others but are slow to be and give to another.

How saddening.

The disease of most heartaches and sorrows that plagues families, marriages of today's world.

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A female reader, Ask Heather +, writes (27 February 2007):

Ask Heather agony auntI agree with fallenman, you already know the answer. I think you just needed to hear it from someone else. That`s the beauty of this site, you can pose any question, and get quick, unbiased answers back, which we all do our very best with! Asking friends and Family dosn`t always give a true picture, as they are, understandably, "on your side", and may not see the larger picture. If you want to move on, which your question suggests you do; take a deep breath, keep strong, for yourself, and your son, and make a new life for yourselves! Good Luck, Kind Regards, Heather.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

Dear Madam

In my opinion if you feel you are unhappy then I recommend that you get ot whilst you can! You have had no children with him and you are not married, what do you have to loose? If you have a son aged 11 he shall give you good comapny until you find Mr. Right! (Which I'm sure you will your still young as well!).

Good Luck!

Regards

Mr. ?

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A male reader, fallenman United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2007):

fallenman agony auntWhat you may be coming out of is rebound symptoms, i.e meeting him so soon after your marriage ended.

The way you are now feeling and thinking is quite normal, which it is recommended to not go into a relationship straight after a marriage has ended.

If you feel stronger in yourself now and your feeling of its the right time to move on suggests you are, then why prolong the discomfort any longer?

Loneliness is in part related to our feelings of insecurity, our dislike of ourself, and self doubt.

You have made it this far, don't give up and fall into self pity and hopelessness. Go on and make a new start, after all only you can decide to do this, and you already know the answer!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

Let him go. You are being selfish by staying with him. I think youre just staying with him for chances nothing better comes along.

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