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I'm so upset my 16 year old daughter lost her virginity

Tagged as: Family, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 January 2009) 32 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Im a mother with strong beliefs .right know i can't think straight just found out that my sixteen year old (girl)lost her virginity and im so hurt im purely old school hey you want that you got to pay the responsibility. my husband wants to beat the sh@@t out off him (boyfriend) and the boys mother is like laughing it off like just sleep on it. Im outrage. I asked her at first and she bluntly lied dead to my face. how can i trust her how? I refuse to have this little girl going around making decision she has no clue about. failing to see the long run affects of things I told her to wait at least to be 18. help im going out of my mind.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

I understand why you are so upset, but look at the bright side of things. Like the person below me, at least she was in a relationship. A couple days ago I found out that my 16 year old sister lost her virginity to her perverted friend when they were both drunk. I couldn't believe it ....... It's not that I'm a prude or anything it's just that she never seemed like that kind of person. I mean she still freaking watches Disney channel! Any she's never had a boyfriend or let alone her first kiss! Butthere really isn't anything you can do. Hopefully time will heal this, that's what I'm trying to do anyways.

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A female reader, Tasty United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2010):

Sorry but to be honest i think you should get over it because at least your daughter is in a relationship with the boy she has lost her verginity too.I'm a 15 year old girl and i lost my virginity at 14 and i wasn't in a ralationship and when my mum nd dad found out they were not happy becuase it was with the wrong guy but they also said that if i was wi a decent guy and in a relationship then they wouldn't havebothered as much so i think you should talk to your daughter about contreception and STD'S just too make her sit back and think about the consequences she could face. sorry if i sound mean!!!!

GOOD LUCK !!!! XXX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010):

Hi im 14 and i lost my virginity when i was 13.

Although it wasnt my fault, i was raped by my boyfriend who i thought i loved. My mum found out about 1 month later that i had lost my virginity and was as upset as you are, she didnt want to know me, she never spoke to me or made me meals washed me clothes, it was as if we didnt live in the same house. This went on for about a year, seriously a whole year.

But she didnt know i was forced into having sex and i kept that in me for a long time and suffered severe depression for a while, i just couldnt bring my self to tell her, i was scared and confused and back then i didnt really know what sex was and how important it was to still be a virgin. (well for a girl anyway) But one day, we were watching tv together and she finally asked me why .. why i chose to have sex disobeying all her wishes, why i lied to her for so long and why she should even bother with me anymore.

I knew i had to tell her then, that i was raped, i started crying saying 'it wasn't my fault' then she got the idea. I couldn't take it so i ran to my room and fell to the floor then she came running behind me and holding me in her arms saying 'you should have told me' .

We were there for about 5 mins on the floor both crying.

Then i explained to her what happened, and all she kept saying was we have to tell the police, which she thought was the right thing to do( which might have been?)but i didnt want that, i didnt want to have to go through that process, i just wanted to continue with my life.

Well i'll end it there.

I told you that story because i think maybe you should sit down and talk with her, be nice and VERY caring and see her side. DONT lecture her, just sit down and talk, mother to daughter talk, maybe give her a hug first and smile and tell her that you care. I can assure you she is just as upset as you are!

She probably see's how bad what she did really is now.

She see's how upset you are, and that would really make her upset.

Theres alot of things going through teenages minds and sometimes, we need parents people who have been there to talk to, not to be told what to do, just to have someone who they know will always be there.

I really hope i helped, because i dont want you or your daughter to go through what me and my mom went through.

xx

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A female reader, lostserenades United States +, writes (8 June 2009):

Alright, from an outside point of view, I completely understand your concern for your daughter; however, there are far worse things she could have done aside from losing her virginity.

It could have been statutory rape, or sexual assault, of which her boyfriend had no consent from her.

Think about it. Ask her if she thinks the relationship is going to last, and how she genuinely feels for the boyfriend.

If the act was done with both partners giving full consent, and with good intentions, and the awareness of the concequences, there shouldn't really be an issue.

For the matter, she could have done the act when she was NOT legal to do so, but she chose to wait until she was.

Ask her about what she felt before, and after.

Perhaps prove a point, whether it be hers or yours, with her answer.

I'm 16, and had the full plan of waiting until I graduated, preferably college, but recently, one thing lead to another, and I have no regrets.

I agree with

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009.

As your daughter is a seperate entity from you, unless she states specifically, her decisions were not because of you.

You didn't put thoughts into her head, to or to not lose her virginity.

Maybe your maturity level and hers when you were her age, are completely different.

Or perhaps, just maybe, you feel like you need to protect her from those things, so she could live the life you yourself couldn't.

It's common for parents to push a sort of lifestyle on their children (one reason I'm not having kids, I couldn't do that to anyone).

I'm sure you've read this already, but the more you push that she doesn't do something, the more she'll want to.

Reverse-psychology...

It'd be best if you simply accepted her decision, and tried to help her through whatever is going through her mind, because believe it or not, the situation could be affecting her more than it's affecting you.

Just breathe, and try to understand both sides, before making any hasty decisions.

Best of luck to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009):

ok.

kids lose their virginity sometimes before you think they're ready.

they've been doing it before recorded time.

it isn't all about how you failed.

it is about how they made use of the information and wisdom you gave them.

i lost my virginity at 18. to someone i definitely wasn't going to marry.

during my earlier years, my mom always told me

"sex is great. but not until you're married..."

and, she forbade me from hanging out at boy's houses, until i had a driver's license (which is funny, because i managed to lose it at her house. kids are sneaky, especially if they have hypervigellant parents!)

maybe she could have elaborated more on why sex is so great during marriage and not before, but knowing how i am specifically, i still would have lost it when i wanted to lose it.

i repeat:

especially because my ma is the type to think that every little thing i do, that does not concur with the beliefs she thought i had absorbed from her, is still somehow her fault-----

it has nothing to do with you as a parent, if you have lived a life as an example to values.

i mean, if you're bringing home a new man every night, then yes, that might set a bad precedent for a teenage daughter.

but if you've tried to live as a good example (good relevant to your values), you have not much credit to take for her "mistakes" (as you see them) as she becomes an adult.

also wonder, if you have been unhappy for most of your life, while still being 'a good example' to your child, why exactly would they want to emulate you?

i'm sorry if i assume to much here, it is just a side-thought.

so, even though your child came from your loins, is a product of your body's nurturing, and all of the energy you put into raising it-- it is not your possession.

it's not a dog.

it's a human being.

it did not poop on the carpet. despite you already having beat into its head that pooping on the carpet, or eating your cigarettes, or biting the neighbor's ankle is wrong wrong wrong!!!!!!!---

it is a human being making a transition to the next phase of life.

you can not train it to behave exactly how you want it to behave.

yes. when it was younger, it was easier to control.

a child is charming, it exudes love and trust, and a desire to please and to learn from you, and in return you love and trust it.

but now that it is almost grown up, it has a mind of its own.

no matter what you say, it will still make its own choices.

so either beat it down with shame, nagging, blame, anything hysterically negative. cause more pain than necessary.

again, it is not a dog. but, if you want to create a fearful or spiteful animal, use fear tactics. punish it.

or provide love, support and acceptance.

and create something that does not run from you, or hide its "mistakes" from you when it knows it has done something to not please its master.

what good will come if you try to bring shame and pain?

you will only push them away...futher away from a source of love and guidance (you) that they need as they make a transition from dependent childhood into independent adulthood.

don't you want to help them?

dont' hurt them. help them through this.

buy them condoms or help them with other birth control like the pill. or at least tell them about 'safe sex.'

sure, reaffirm your beliefs, and why, but do not be judgmental and indignantly or fearfully pissed.

ultimately, nothing good can come from rage, fear, and judgementality.

just shame, and self-hatred on your child's side--feelings that often lead to further actions of 'self destruction' (as you see it)...

you have to be seriously delusional to continue to believe that you can somehow control and also take credit for every thing your child chooses to do once they are on the verge of adulthood, and beyond.

i mean, how far are you going to go to prove to yourself that you still have ultimate control, and a god-given right to enforce it?

secure a GPS tracking device on their ankle, like home-arrestees have to wear?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009):

Can I ask why YOU are taking this so badly?

Why do you feel like she has betrayed your trust?

Beause your precious little girl has DARED to go against YOUR wishes?

This sounds like you are a DICTATOR to your own child - she CANNOT and WILL NOT do anything that you do not approve of!

Surely this really has got nothing to do with you at all!

You do not say which state you are in, or the legal age of consent for your state, so we can only assume that it is 16, as it is in the UK.

IF she is of LEGAL age, then really, you have no say over what she does in her personal life. Yes you can be concerned for her, and worry about her, and want her to make the best of her life, but YOU CANNOT DICTATE HOW SHE LIVES HER LIFE.

You have no right to be angry at her. Yes, it might not be how you live your life, but it is not your place to tell her that she has to wait until she is 18 to have sex. Would you say the same thing when she was 18? YOU MAY NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE YOU ARE 21?! Would this just continue?

I am a 25 year old virgin, and my mother is like you. I was brought up being told that "nice girls dont do things like that" and "you should wait for the one". I have always been under my mothers thumb, never wanting to dissapoint her, or upset her, or make her angry. Well i have waited, and I have not met "the one" and now I am at an age when men want experience. I have no experience with relationships, and any man I do get close to gets bored because I will not sleep with them quickly. I have so little confidence in myself and my sexual side that I am scared to death that I will end up on my own for the rest of my life. I am seriously emotionally damaged by the lack of physical affection in my life. I cannot tell you how sad and depressed it makes me, and how I regret wasting so many years of my life, when I could have had the chance at sexual relationships and turned them down because I didnt want to DISSAPOINT MY MOTHER.

I feel sorry for your daughter. She trusted you enough to tell you that she had lost her virginity, and you should be proud of her that she did tell you - many kids cannot talk to their parents about sex. But all you did was throw it back at her.

You need to act like a mother - think about HER not YOU.

So what if you dont approve that she had sex at 16 - you need to be there for her to help her through her emotions and pick up the pieces.

THINK ABOUT HER FOR A CHANGE, NOT YOU.

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A female reader, Hurtmom United States +, writes (27 May 2009):

Today is my 2nd day of knowing about my 16 y/o daughter. I'm so angry, hurt and confused. I feel like a complete failure.. I'm not angry at her boyfriend anymore well, after I called him and use every single curse words...to me honest I'm completely numb right now, don't know what I should be feeling..overall she is a good kid, good grades, plays sports, kind and not to mention a mom like me.. I'm not bragging but I felt like her and Ihad a very open communication, we spoke about everything including sex. I'm not naive, I know what the kids are doing, I mean I was a teen too, but I also didn't have a mom who actually took the time to talk about peer pressure..and my dad was a functional alcoholic..that's why I always felt like I wanted to have that sort of special bond with my daughter..and she also has a dad.. my daughter has talked to me about the curiosity she was experiencing about drugs. Where did I go wrong? I'm trying to get over that, but where do I go fromnow. I feel as if the trust that she and I worked so hard at, is broken. My husband doesn't even want to talk to her.. She tells me she feels alone, she's asking me not to leave her..... I still love my baby but I just can't look at her the way I did yesterday, that innoncence us gone.. Please help!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009):

I'm 15 and I think my mom knows that I lost it, she hasn't confronted me about it but I think she knows... I know you are upset but if you tell her no, she is going to find another way to do it. Just support her she will be regreting it in no time and then will need someone to talk to, I wish I cold talk to my mom, cause' I know i regreted it like a mmonth later...=(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009):

I understand you're upset, but you have to think about how your daughter probably feels. I'm a 16 year old girl and wish more than anything that I could've talked to my mom about when I lost my virginity. I regret it more than anything. Just be there for her and support her. Talk to her about her options (abstinence being one of them, or course). Have an open mind, and most of all an open heart.

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A female reader, lah mouw United States +, writes (19 January 2009):

lah mouw agony auntIf she's already had sex and lost her virginity, then in my opinion there's nothing really you can do. In this day and age in our generation of kids: we're all going to do what we want and you can't really stop it. If you try to stop it she'll just find another way to do it. If your child is having sex I think the best thing you can do is support her and give her the right material to keep her safe.

Maybe you should even talk to her about it. Make a deal with her or compromise. Let her hear your side of the story and you listen to hers.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009):

all i can say is that it is too late now it is done all you can do now is sit her down and talk to her about it. You have to realise that if she is in love with this man it was going to happen eventually. I'm sure you would be a lot more annoyed if she had got drunk and then slept with a stranger.

Hope everything works out, i am sure it will.

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A female reader, babyygirl United States +, writes (13 January 2009):

if she alreadyy lost her virginity and she loves him then let her be with him

im sixteen my parents hate my boyfriend

but they let me be with who i want to because if they dont

i will justt go behind there back and doing

it aleast she being honest with you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009):

your seriously overreacting. its like this, most teens 15+ have lost their virginity these day so you shouldnt make a big deal about it. if she wants to make an adult decision like that you should let her, and if she becomes pregnant, let her handle THAT issue by herself as well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009):

you shouldn't be so hard on her.. these its reaally hard to resist with all the pressure in schools.. you should be supportive and make her feel that your there for her no matter what.. she made a mistake..or she probly liked but its not like you have time machine to go back and fix it, its done.. so make her feel she can tell you anything even if its bad.. she'll tell you herself..

and tell your husband killing her boyfriend is not gonna do anything

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A female reader, pinkipod109 United States +, writes (3 January 2009):

pinkipod109 agony auntDon't yell or scream or give her the silent treatment. If you want her to tell you more things, even if it's this bad, then you cant make her feel too bad. Sure, punish her and some way, ground her for 2 or 3 weeks, but if you punish her for too long, she'll never want to tell you anything about her personal life again, as long as she knows she'll be punished.

I don't agree with the boy's mom about just laughing it off. Sure, it's different for a boy because he's not the one at risk of getting pregnant, but she cant just laugh it off. She needs to talk to him about it, a VERY serious talk.

You and im sure your husband were expecting this to happen SOMETIME. Even if you expected it to be when she at least moved out the house, it was going to happen. After the punishment, you need to lay down ground rules. For example, no guys in your house, being safe, and picking her choices VERY CAREFULLY. I'd be expecting that from my parents after i did something like that.

Finally, as you mother, let her know you're there for her. Tell her you just need to get used to the idea that she's growing up, and that if she ever gets her heart broken, or even just wants to gossip about... you know... that you'll always be there. Oh, and make sure you ask her if any of her friends ever... yeah. Okay. Done here. Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

I am a 17 year old teenager. I write my opinion because I think you should see this losing-the-virginity-thing from another point of view.

I totally disagree with you about the 18-year-thing. A lot of parents handle these things like age-is-the-only-thing-that-matters and the later-the better...

If your daughter felt ready to lose her virginity, and loved her boyfriend it was OK. Even if she regretted it, because we are all humans, we regret a lot of things that cause us pain but life goes on.

Don't try to connect sex to the age of your daughter, A am sorry but it is such a stupid thing. You like it or not, she will do it again if she liked it, and doesn't care about what you told her. Now all you can do is to support her, and if you threaten her, she will just lose her trust in you.

Of course talk to her about all the responsibilities, that is the task of a good mother in such a situation.

Thank you for reading this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

I too have just been placed in your situation with my 16yo daughter. I gave my daughter trust and tried to treat her like the adult she wanted to become. Now, only to find out that trust was broken. I too was very upset and didnt know how to react. I thought I had done my best to instil values. They had broken up when I found out, it was hard to put my hurt/anger into the background and put her feelings first. I decided to comfort and support her as well as letting her know how dissapointed I was that she did not feel that she could come to me and talk. I didnt know how to deal with my issues and my thoughts which led me to this site. Seeing others opinions helped me to realise that life does happen and the most important thing is to be there for our kids no matter what mistakes they make (thanks to those who commented!). I am hoping that she will learn from this and that we can grow closer from it. Hopefully she will think twice before giving her love so completely again. I am also seeking counselling as I believe that since she has had no positive male figure in her life that maybe her self image needs to be nutured. Yes, we hope that our kids will do all the right things but in reality they wont. They too will have to live and learn and hopefully with our support come through the other side of lifes tricky situations. Good luck, I know how you feel.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

My mum was mad with me when she found out that I had had sex with my boyfriend, she was hurt because of her strong beliefs. What made things worse was her presuming about me, about what I thought etc, like all her worst fears about me coming true. It's a rollercoster ride of emotions when it happens for the first time (well it was for me) and the last thing your daughter needs is a moody mother breathing over her shoulder. The most important thing is that she knows you love her, nothing is worth damaging the relationship you have with each other. Her lying to you hurts, but it could show that she cares about what you think of her. Me and my mum went through this rough time bu we got through it through patience :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

Im 17 and lost my virginity when i was 16. I dont have the gutz to tell my mum. Your duaghter told you. I know its wrong and so does she. She needs you to help and protect her not moan and scream.

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A female reader, Emaz help United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

Emaz help agony auntthe laws 16 for a reason (in England) it may be different in America i don't know but i lost my virginity at 15. People are losing it younger and younger and you can't stop that. You may think she's only a little girl but she's got to learn from her mistakes

If you pushed her not to have sex or wrapped her up in cotton wool then she's bound to rebel as a teenager.

Just talk to your daighter about gonig on the pill or something, don't try to stop her from having sex though as she wont listen

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I am 20 but i too lost my virginity at 16. I was not in love with the guy and it was just casual. I was raised in an 'old school' environment. However i had poor relationship with my mum and dad, as they were really over protective and showed little love. I also had terribly low self esteem and confidence issues. So i rebelled. As i result i slept with many guys just seeking love and afffection. I know it may seem silly and i'm not saying this is the case with your daughter, but as long as you calm down and try to maintain a loving relationship with her she will remain 'your little girl'. By over reacting you will definatly loose her trust. You need to definatly have a mother and daughter talk with her, no hiding facts but tell her bluntly about the risks and responsibilty involved when having sex.

Good Luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

we're products of the environment in which we grow up. sometimes it takes special circumstances and strong will to follow moral virtues.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

It is hard to let go, but you need to start preparing to let go of your daughter. No, she is not 18, but she is still in the process of becoming independent, and that involves a series of steps, including making her own decisions regarding her sex life. I think it is a good age. Kids need to experiment and hopefully, they will make moral growth through these experiences. Let it go. Advise her to be careful and responsible, but don't push her away by trying to control her life or treating her like a tramp. Make sure she feels comfortable to come to you if she ever does need advice.

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (1 January 2009):

Sandman agony auntHey. Even though I don't have any children, I understand your frustrations and empathize with you. The children of today really don't know what sex REALLY entails. The joys, the pain, the ups, the downs, the heartache - there is lots that come with sex. But you know what, when I was 14 and lost my virginity to a school friend (not even my girlfriend!) I didn't know either. All I knew I was wanted to feel what everyone else had been talking about all that time. So I did it.

My advice to you is to be patient. Calm down (although easier said than done) and breathe. Put yourself in her shoes - did you tell your parents the first time YOU had sex? Probably not. So don't expect that she should have either. Yes, she lied - but c'mon - if your mom and dad are asking whether or not you did something they have already expressed is forbidden - would you still stand there and tell the truth and suffer those consequences or lie and say it never happened. Teenagers lie. That's what they do. They lie to get in trouble and they lie to get out of trouble too.

This is a time for teaching. Now that she's lost her virginity, she needs to understand the TOTAL realm of sex. She's done it now so there's no need to sugar coat the conversation. Be as blunt and forthcoming as you can about the subject WITHOUT judging her in the process. Give her FACTS, not your OPINIONS. Research the subject to brush up on before talking to her. You are not condoning her behavior - and you shouldn't, but yelling, cursing, anger, and all that leads to her not being able to talk to you about issues that may arise later AS A RESULT of having sex.

Let her know that while you are upset, you hope that she can come to you with questions and concerns about her sexuality and her body. Let her know (however) that you will not give her pointers on HOW to have sex, because you are (again) NOT condoning the behavior. But let her know that you want her to be WELL informed and wish that she would come to YOU instead of friends. Trust me, you want your daughter to come to you about some the issues teenagers are facing today - and not their peers.

TEACH! LISTEN! LEARN! Now is the time to bridge the gap between you and your daughter and forge a new relationship - one in which she will seek the sound advice of her mother before making life changing decisions.

Hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I can understand how you are feeling.The boy's mom doesn't seem nice.I wonder how the boy is.

Unfortunately I don't think physical violence is the answer.Type in "her past" in the search bar of dear cupid.Print out the answers and make your girl read them.The fear of her being labeled a loose girl is your biggest weapon in hand.

This is the time when nothing-no amount of yelling or grounding won't work.She needs to trust you first.If we are overtly strict at times,all children do is rebel.Please don't feel guilty.As parents we can only do so much.Media is much more powerful with its influence on them than us.I hope things work out for you.I am more worried about an unplanned pregnancy.Please keep us posted.It helps to talk about your feelings on DearCupid.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

When my sister lost her virginity (at age 14), my mother gave her a huge lecture about STDs and teenage pregnancy. She told her about all the girls losing their virginity at young ages and later on regretting it, when those boys broke up with them and even teased them about it. Also, she made her take the birthcontrol pill every morning.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

As a parent myself, I'd make sure that she knows the facts calmly about sex, STDs, consequences, and make sure she's protected. I wouldn't humiliate her, and I'd calm down Daddy-o. As parents, you must handle this common situation maturely, or you will really push your daughter away on so many levels, possibly forever. Make sure she knows that she can trust you, and Dad. It's not wrong, by the way, to have just daughter-to-mother talks. Dads, naturally, can't handle too much information when it comes daughters. (Vice versa, too - ok for son-to Dad only talks.) Don't call the BFs mother! This is your situation to handle with your daughter, your family; not a group session. You will only alienate your daughter, more. And, guess what? Consequence will be that daughter will be over BFs house all the time without you even knowing it, and then doing other things without you knowing it because you and Daddy-o had a melt down....

I'm not saying have a big party here. I'd feel the same way. But you MUST handle this situation strategically and provide a safe place for your daughter to come to you with problems. Otherwise, she will not see you and Daddy-o as on her supportive life team. That would really be a much bigger loss for everyone, certainly more than simply losing her virginity.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 January 2009):

Honeypie agony auntIt's hard to watch your little girl trying to grow up faster then you want her to. However if you keep pushing her she will end up, not wanting to talk to you at all about things like relationships and sex in the future. She will learn to lie with ease. She might even do things JUST to spite you.

Unfortunately kids (yeah I will call them kids still) have sex earlier and earlier - it's downright scary for us parents.

Unless her BF is WAY older then her or it wasn't truly consensual you can't really do anything. Locking her up or beating her boyfriend, is not the way to have a healthy relationship with your daughter.

You now have the opportunity to educate and talk about relationships, sex and specially safe sex, about teen-pregnancies and all the things that comes with being sexual active. If you can't do it call your doctor and ask him/her where to turn.

There is nothing wrong in being disappointed that she didn't wait. But it's done. Talk about values and morals - it's never to late to try and instill a child with them.

Talk to her about self image - about respecting herself. Hopefully (even if it hurts) You can only hope she had sex because SHE wanted to and SHE felt she was ready, and not to please some boy.

I think that is what is the scariest for mothers of girls, the extend they will go to to please others. Be it boy or a crowd.

Good luck.

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A male reader, The Gentle Man United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

The Gentle Man agony auntYoung people having sex, it happens. Think of it this way, would it be better to have lost her virginity to a guy she likes and is in a ralationship with ? or lose her virginity at 18 on a one night stand ?

The boys mother understands that they had sex and theres no point in arguing about it. What do you hope to achieve by making your daughers life hard?

You should be making sure that she has the knowledge to have safe sex and let her get on with her life. Its hard to watch you children growing up and you are mad that she is growing up faster than you had expected.

So you really just need to calm down. Its hard to hear but thats what you need to do. Getting angry and giving your daughter a hard time can only push her away.

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A male reader, pietry Romania +, writes (1 January 2009):

pietry agony auntPerhaps you as a mother have part of the fault because this is very much part of the education she gets and her self respect. If you have strong beliefs perhaps you should have tried to teach your daughter in their spirit, so now that she does this it means she has other beliefs from other people.

But anyway there is nothing you can do now except talk to her and tell her why this step was important and how she needs to act like a woman now. Beating the boyfriend will not solve anything. Talking and solving this issue is more important because if your daughter keeps doing things after her own decisions it might end up even worse ( pregnancy ? )

She made a mistake she has to understand her mistake and see how to avoid more possible damage

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

You probably aren't going to be able to stop your daughter from having sex. The best thing you can do is tell her that you don't support her having sex right now but if she is going to do it make sure she is doing it safely. Make sure she is educated about birth control and STDs. That is probably the best thing you can do to protect your child.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I am a 15 year old girl and I have lost my virginity I am not comparing your daughter to anyone else but lots of girls loose the virginty at a young age we think we are in love and are in this amazing relonship and will do anything to keep our boyfriends happy. She will make loads of mistakes like that I know im only 15 but take it from someone who knows this sort of stuff lol sorry if i seem harsh

Good Luck !! xxxx

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