A
female
age
36-40,
*ittie88
writes: Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the house and we would have long conversations and would stay up quite late talking. My boyfriend and his brother befriended all my friends so we would all hang out a lot. I noticed that i was attracted to his brother very early on in my relationship with my boyfriend. At first i just brushed them aside and though nothing of it, but as the years went by i realised i was developing feelings for his brother, they scared me and i felt like a terrible person, i tried to ignore them and they got worse and worse, i started caring for his brother a lot that i would think about him all the time and got extremely upset and frustrated with the whole thing. Then one night when i was a little drunk, i ended up kissing him, i blurted out all my feelings for him and he felt the same, but we both felt guilty and decided nothing could ever happen between us and it was a mistake. Things calmed down for a bit and i tried my hardest to reconnect with my boyfriend but he would never make and effort or showed that he cared or take much care of himself, i became completely unnactracted to him. we just didnt work, so we broke up, it became more a mutual thing and we are still friends, i still go over some times to catch up. It's only been a few months but me and his brother have started seeing each other, at first it was just fooling around but we both have feelings for each other and didnt like the idea of seeing other people. So we are together in secret. I can't tell my friends or anyone because i know they wont understand and would think i was horrible. I feel like a terrible person but im so head over heels for this guy it covers the guilt, i know i am being selfish and i should have done things differently and ended it with my boyfriend a long time ago but i had a lot of bad things happen one after the other over the last year and it kind of made me weak and scared of ending things and moving on. It's hard that we can't be together in public and be together the way we want to be. I just want to see what people's opinions are on my situation. i know it's not the right thing im doing but ive never felt this strongly for someone in my life.
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broke up, drunk, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (18 March 2011):
I disagree with this. I mean, I don't think that keeping this secret longer will make any good. I guess you new boyfriend has to make up his mind now about what's going to happen in the future. Of course he can tell you one thing today and make a different thing tomorrow. But I guess he has to show more commitment now.
A
female
reader, kittie88 +, writes (18 March 2011):
kittie88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou very much for all your opinions on my situation, i found them very helpful and really appreciate it.
As i said before i do know it's not the best of things for me to have done, but there are a lot of factors which lead to me to make this decision.
I spoke to the guy i'm seeing about it and i asked what he saw for us in the future, because we both agee that things are probably gonna get more and more difficult and frustrating as we get more and more attached to each other and all our friends not knowing. He said at some point we will either have to tell everyone and just take it as it comes or we may have to end it, but he has no intention of ending it at this point. That kind of worried me because i dont want it to end but i understand where he is coming from and he is right. I think it's best we hold off as long as possible telling people for my ex's (his brother's) sake, just so that there is a longer period of time between the break up and him moving on, so he is not as crushed by the idea of me and his brother. Thanks again to everyone. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): what s going to happen when your ex finds out you are sleeping with his brother?will he be able to forgive you or his brother?what will he say/do when he finds out that your affair started while u were with him?you went from one brother to the other without a moments notice. keeping it all in the family will prove to be challenging when the truth comes out.be ready for hurt feelings, disappointment and tears.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (9 March 2011):
I think you are doing the right thing. That is, I think that you are choosing to be with the person you really want to give your love to. I know you feel badly that things didn't work the way you wanted them to, and you find yourself in a position you don't want to be in, but we don't always control the outcome of these situations. All you need to decide is what you are going to do with the situation you are in now, and not worry about the situations and choices in the past that have brought you to this point.
I would think that this relationship is likely to go on for a while, and to have it in secret is not what you want. So do the thing you want to do, bite the bullet and let people know. You can take the timing into consideration. And between you and your current bf, you should decide how to tell his brother. If he is going to be hurt, you need to prepare for him to be hurt, but he is an adult and can deal with it, just like you are having to deal with this. If you can look at this whole thing as a learning experience in learning about the kind of person you want to be in the world, this is the kind of situation you can grow from.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): I don't you think you have anything to be ashamed of. Your conscience is trying to make you do what you feel is "the right thing". However there is always going to be a wrestling match between your emotions and what you think is "right". That's because ultimately your heart doesn't chose who you care for and who you don't.
I think its ok to be a bit cautious about this situation. But I think you should date those with whom your happiest.
Your boyfriend had an opportunity with you but for whatever reason chose to move on. That was his choice not yours.
I think in every way your a moral upright person. I think you should date him and not feeling any guilt about it.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (9 March 2011):
This kind of things just happen. You and your new boyfriend have the right to be happy. Of course you ex will be hurt about this and everyone will judge you. But if you love him, you have to try it. If your ex really cares about his brother and loved you in the past. He will get to understand this is the best for you both.
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