A
male
age
41-50,
*inter_one
writes:I've been with my current GF for a few months now. When we first started dating she told me that she found sex scary and that she was a little freaked by the concept, and that she wouldn't be able to be as sexually active as I might have liked. I accepted this as, even though I enjoy it a lot, I didn't consider sex to be that important to the relationship as I was far more interested in connecting with her emotionally and building from there.I still feel this way now, however I have a bit of a dilemma. In bed a few weeks ago we became quite intimate and, after a while, I made as if I was going to go one step further (slowly, giving her plenty of time to object if she wanted to). She froze and curled up into a ball, trembling. I immediately stopped and hugged her until she calmed down, after which she said that my apology was unnecessary as neither I nor she knew what her limits were.Recently, we again became quite intimate and this time things got a bit more heated. However, to avoid scaring her I didn't go below the waist. She didn't guide me there and, after a little while, we both fell asleep. The dilemma I have is I'm not sure how to take things further without scaring her again, I'm loathe to bring it up in conversation as, again, I'm afraid she still finds it uncomfortable. I care deeply for her and would far rather remain celibate than lose her, but I must admit to becoming a little frustrated (horrible as that may sound).
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male
reader, winter_one +, writes (29 March 2007):
winter_one is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your advice, it was much appreciated. I've subsequently found out the reason (something in her past) after she brought it up by herself in a conversation and it's one I fully accept and understand.
Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): my opinon is that you should wait.....take things as they come!! keep doing what your doing and if she wants to go further she'll let you know all about it. try not to let on that you want more, she knows! hope ive helped!!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 March 2007):
 You sound like the most reasonable boyfriend in the world but I get the feeling there's something your girlfriend isn't telling you here. Well done for being so patient and understanding but ask her why she feels like this. Maybe she knows and maybe she doesn't but if she can't talk to you about it maybe she should talk to someone, not because sex is so important that your relationship can't survive without it, but because there are obviously some raw psychological wounds in her somewhere that she needs to understand so she can be happy in all other aspects of her life. I'd recommend a professional as I feel you're too close to her to talk to her about what she's going through. I know it's uncomfortable talking to her about it but it will be worth it if you can get somewhere with her.
CD
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