A
female
age
36-40,
*HE WOLF
writes:I have met a most wonderful guy, only thing he lives 2hrs away from where I live, so I dont get to see as we would like.The first two week of our relationship, we email and text contantly. One weekend he got a email from his EX, which upset him and told me she was poison in his life.Then all of a sudden the text were down to one a day, no emails, I have confronted him twice now and he has got total upset when I said you just have to tell me if you dont want us to be together, he said he had been very busy at work, as he has to have put extra shifts in as they are short of staff and the long hours have made him exhausted. He tells me he loves me and still wants us to be together and he is so lucky to have met me, Im one in a million, in his words.Am I been unreasonable for doubting him or do you think it could be something else to do with the ex? Please help me as Im feeling down and confused due to it all. OH by the way, I am married to someone else, but this person I talk about said he would wait for me, no matter how long it might take before we are together properly.
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at work, his ex, text Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
 You are married does that mean nothing to you? and what about your innocent husband who is totally unaware of all This, is this fair to him?Forget the other guy he is just someone you have become infatuated with, whatever the problems are in your marriage that has made you want to look elsewhere, go fix them because you have a duty to your husband to be loyal and faithful to him and if you cant do that and feel nothing for him then divorce him.Gina
A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
 I was doing the same things as our OP; forgetting the husband. q1605 makes some great points.
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A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (22 October 2009):
 She is poison in his life. Is this the twenty first century version of "my wife doesn't understand me"? Can I quote a thing or two about your writing? Let's see. Met a wonderful man. First two weeks of our relationship. Text constantly...Confronted him..he got upset. He says he loves me.. meant to be together...lucky to have met me...says I am a one in a million.Oh by the way ....I am married. But he'll wait for me. You guys are pretty generous with your husbands life. I am thinking if he knew you spoke of him like those worthless spare tires that last about 50 miles, he might want to put in his two cents worth. At least TRY to to refer to your STBX as a person with some humanity.I don't know if you are more clueless for believing this guy or your husband is for not "feeling" that you are somewhere else and either stepping up and being who he should be to save this, or just flat out dumping you. If the new guy is great enough to cheat with, I think you should "man up" and take a leap of faith. No? The hubby is not so bad as a back up. A little safety net. You don't have to sleep alone. You can stick your cold toes on his back. What else? Mows the lawn. Changes the oil in your car. You don't want to discard a gently used husband that still has some tread left.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
1. I think you're worrying prematurely. It is possible it has something to do with his ex, but his claims of being busy and working extra shifts are reasonable.2. It's not so much a matter of trusting him as it is being realistic yourself. He doesn't know what life will present him in the future. Remember he is human and while he may very well intend to wait for you, he doesn't know what life has in store for him, or who. It would be unreasonable and unfair of you to hold him to such an expectation. 3. Whether you're happily married or not you still have someone. He doesn't. Technically he is a single man and until you have formally separated from your husband, or better yet divorced him, this new man is free to do as he wishes and see whom he likes. 4. It may be that you and this man are meant to have something together, but keep in mind that your attachment to him might not be so much him as what he represents; passion, excitement, something new, a fresh start. By hooking up with him or anyone else too soon you are depriving yourself of a wonderful opportunity to enjoy life for YOU. You are also setting him up as a rebound boyfriend and that is unfair to him. Bear in mind that if things do become serious between you, he will be seen as the man who ruined your marriage and that might affect his assimilation into your family (particularly if you have children).
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
 Well being that you are emotionally cheating on your husband at the very least, I suggest you end this farce at once.You certainly cant find love in your own relationship if you are looking for love outside of it.I mean, come on, lady!! You are married1 Don't you have any respect for your husband? Jesus, do you not see the irony in this? You are messing around on your husband and wondering if this other guy is lying to you?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): uuumm wow you are worried about him having some sort of contact with his ex when you are already married youself?Show some respect to your husband and atleast leave your marriage first before even worrying about getting in to another relationship.In regards to his lack of contact with you, this could be really from work or he might be have second thoughts about you and maybe even worries you will do the same to him as your doing to your husband.
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