A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I made a mistake again... I know once is a mistake and two types is purely stupid but I didn't think and now I need help to stop. I am in a troubled marriage but we are still trying to work through it as we truly love one another. However his best friend made a pass at me many months ago and I kissed him. I told him to stop and never contact me again but recently we all met up as as group and suddenly things escalated between us and it was a bit more. Fingerings and a hand job. I am disgusted with myself. How do I stop this. Please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2020): As a mistress, I can tell you that in the beginning it is a rush because the newness and naughtiness has a very addictive quality. It makes you feel too good to stop. Compared your boring old husband, this guy makes you feel sexy and desired. Like a Goddess. But eventually the rush dies down and you feel guilt and self loathing and once you crash down to earth, your whole life will be ruined and you will lose the man you love. Then you will realize what you had, when it is too late. This best friend is really a scum bucket for fooling around with his friend's wife. What a piece of shit. I think you are not a bad person. You have just lost your way. And I think this guy is not the type of a guy you would want long term. He seems like a player who would do this with lots of women. Hopefully you don't fuck him. If you do, better wear condoms. I think you are in time to stop this though. And as someone who was where you used to be, I did not stop. And it went on for years and it only gets worse in time. You lose so much more than you bargained for. The bit of fun you are having now is not worth it in the long run. But most people involved in affairs never listen to logic. They will do as they please and face all consequences in the end.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (22 September 2020):
 A woman in her 30s does not really need to ask how to stop being unfaithful. It's quite simple: will power. We cannot magic you a dose of that. Only you can decide what is more important to you: a bit of frantic fumbling with a man who has no sense of decency or your marriage.
Bear in mind the saying, "get them by cheating, lose them to cheating".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2020): I say go for it. You are only in this life once, so make the most of it. This "friend" may make you see stars when you have sex, especially if he is good looking.
So basically you're a cheat. Get a divorce and do anyone you want, no strings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2020): How do I stop this? Man that is so laughable.
You stop by stopping. It's called doing the right thing. But you don't want to stop because you're having fun so you don't. You'll keep going until you escalate to intercourse. And you'll continue until the thrill is gone or you blow up your marriage.
If you want to stop act like an adult and stop
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2020): You make up stories and excuses for your disgusting behaviour and then want to shout it from the rooftops.
Do you think this guy cares about you? No. He thinks you are an easy lay, a slut, a whore. You are acting like one.
If you are hoping for anything serious with this guy forget it, he only wants you for sex, so long as it is quick, easy and no cost.
You will probably end up all alone because you wreck your marriage and this other man does not give a toss about you.
You may also end up pregnant or with some nasty disease.
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A
female
reader, S17 +, writes (22 September 2020):
 I think it is good that you and your husband are trying to work through your difficulties. I understand how difficult it is to overcome temptation, as I have been there myself. I think it would be best for you to not see your husband's friend again, avoid him as much as you can. Also, perhaps you could write down all the reasons to stop things with this man. For example, you love your husband. You want to work things out. You are left feeling bad about yourself. You are going behind your husband's back. When you feel tempted, you can look at your list and ask yourself, is it really worth it?
Keep working on things with your husband, and say no to this other man. It may be hard, but you need to be strong and put a stop to it. Don't live with regret any more - just make the decision now that things will go no further with this other man, and that you will focus on your relationship with your husband. Then stick to it. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2020): You don't really want to stop, or you would. You've resorted to cheating; because it's easier than getting a divorce. A troubled-marriage is the most popular excuse used for cheating on your spouse. Maybe you should try something more original.
There is no such thing as "I can't help myself." The true meaning behind it is: "I don't want to stop doing it, because I like it!"
It isn't true you really love each other. Cheating is where love ends. You used to love each other, now you don't. That's why you can't stop. This is about lust. Love has nothing to do with any of this. If there was love anywhere, that's your reason to stop. Maybe you don't want to lose your house, financial-security, or car. You don't want to part with any of the material things you have. You'd direct your energies to something that would save your marriage, not imperil it!
You're cheating on your husband, and you're enjoying it. In the back of your mind you hope to get caught! You want to hurt him. Cheating is more convenient than waiting until after you've gone through the strenuous and emotionally-draining legal-process of divorce. Might as well have some fun until then! You will get caught, then he'll divorce you. That's how this ends.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (22 September 2020):
 We can all offer you advice on what we think you should do here, but at the end of the day the only person that can help you here is you.
Trust is one of the most important contributing factors that bind a relationship together. Once this trust barrier is broken its very hard to comer back from.
Whether you come clean and tell your husband what happened is a matter between you and your own conscience.
This encounter was not with some random stranger who rode off into the sunset never to be seen again. It was your husbands best friend, so this guy is always going to be around. OP what was you thinking.
You had a choice, and you made the decision to cheat with this guy. No good outcome ever comes of cheating. As its his best friend the chances are your husband will eventually find out what happened.
I think honesty is the best policy in a relationship, to move forward with a clear conscience, no skeletons in the closet so to speak.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 September 2020):
 The only person who can stop doing this, is you.
Have you considered even in the slightest what will happen when your husband finds out? HOW he will feel? Did HE even come into your thoughts when you were making these "mistakes"?
Cheating isn't a mistake. Buying whole milk instead of 2% is a mistake. Cheating is a choice, sometimes a series of choices. You made the CHOICE to do this. MAKE the choice to stop and NOT do it again.
Work on your marriage or end it. Cheating won't fix your marriage.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 September 2020):
The only way to Stop is do not meet this guy again.Right now you need to focus on talking to your husband and trying to sort out whatever problems you have.If these problems cant be sorted between you..perhaps you both would consider going to a counsellor.Because of the problems you are feeling unloved..but you will only widen the gap between your husband and yourself if you become involved with another man .Be gentle with yourself you don't need another man but help in sorting your marriage.As you stated 2 mistakes is not wise..but learn from those mistakes and look to the future with your husband.Best Wishes Nora B.
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