A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help getting myself out the biggest mess/fantasy world of my life! Im truely in love with a friend of mine and i cant snap out of it. Im lost without him, the thought of him being with anyone else tares me apart. I can't be happy anymore, i dont want to eat, its the worst feeling ever.Its all so complicated though. it started quite a while ago when it was obvious he liked me, however at the time things were tough but there were always signs to show he liked me and things people said. But we hardly EVER spoke. he wouldnt talk to me like the others. I;ve tried to put that past behind me however it will always be there. More recently within the past 6 months things have become very different.We went out and were left alone just having fun. I sat on his knee and he started cuddling me and totally sunk into me, had his head in my hair and my neck/shoulders. I wont give you the details but we got extremely close and although he said we were great friends he was very very nervous and it felt like so much more. the way he was touching me. Hes looked after me before one night when i was really ill and again the way he was hugging me was very loving, he started holding my hand and various times just randomly and when we hugged we didnt want to let go and he had his hands on my bum.All this has always been very strange as when we go out he wont talk to me. No one can say whether hes shy or not because one minute hes fine with me and he will but the next hes not. But other things that have happened and his behaviour have made people sure he wants me but hes scared.Im sure he doesn't, he wont talk about it, just avoids anything of the subject and hes fine when it comes to flirting/messing round with other girls. But ive got so bad i cant enjoy life anymore. Hes made me who i am, my attitude, the styuff i do, what i listen to....its all him and i love who ive become ive made so many new friends because of it. the thing that makes me even more sad is i dont even think we'll be as gooda friends as he says we are.Ive lived my life in fake happiness and i cant snap out of it. ive nedver wanted a bf so its hard for me to consentrate on anyone else. Even if i find a guy i like it doesnt help as i just cant be with them because all i can think about is my mate. Im living in a world of my own and i need to be able to enjoy my real life. Im constantly crying, depressed, broken up inside because i know i'll never find the answer.please help me!
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 when love doesn't work out it can be depressing but that is why you have to make a go of it with him, or at least know for definite if he is not interested. you need to push for this situation to be resolved, i wouldn't say you are depressed i would say you are broken hearted. only you can find your way out of this love lorn hole, either through getting him out of your life and mind or by putting some real effort into a possible relationship with this man.those are the available options
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Talk to him already! What are you waiting for?! The guy w-a-n-t-s you!!
Jeez! Why do women always complicate things?
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 First, no one MAKES you who you are but you. You can allow someone to influence you, but no one makes you you, but you. Sounds to me like you're suffering a case of full blown depression. Or an intense bout of post traumatic stress. Your indications that you live(d) in fake happiness and a fantasy world are disconcerting. Have you made a complete break with reality? Whether A,B, or C, I strongly encourage you to seek some assistance in this matter to help you regain your equilibrium and establish a firm, clear grip on your life and who you are. I'm not saying you're nuts, but it sounds as though you need some help getting yourself together inside. Please, seek out a help line, a Counseling center, doctor. Anything/one that will help you help yourself!! YOU have to help YOU, sweetie. I'm also wondering why on earth your world could be so shattered by someone who can't or won't talk to you in a normal way..it isn't healthy to be so attached to someone so obviously distant and removed from you. Get help..just put one foot in front of the other....
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (14 May 2010):
my god you have to talk to him and find out how he feels! to snap out of this fantasy put the steps in to make it a reality. first of all you need to tell him that although you are good friends that all the flirting that used to happen has made you see him in a different light. then tell him that you find him attractive and guage his reaction.
ask him if he is attracted to you, and if yes then ask him if he would like a relationship. at this stage dont mention love too obviously as it might have a negative effect in that it may seem too intense and no matter how much you love someone dont let them see all your cards at once, you can always say it later.
if you dont make an effort to do any of the above your unhappy feelings and fantasies of love will all be in vain. take the plunge...
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I'm sorry you are so unhappy and depressed. You say you and he were good friends and then you both developed feelings for each other. It's hard to know, but possibly he was scared of the intensity of his feelings for you, and that's why he's backed off. I realize this doesn't make sense, but then, (unfortunately) it sometimes happens that someone's behavior is totally not understandable.
Maybe it would help if you were to avoid socializing with friends when he is going to be there.
Beyond that, however, your obssession and not wanting to eat, constantly crying, which has gone on far too long now, is something you'd be well-advised to get professional help with. Give your doctor a call, and talk to him/her first; maybe you need medication for your depression. Then see if the doctor can recommend a good therapist with whom you can be comfortable enough to discuss everything with. In time and with assistance you'll be able to get out of this quagmire you are now going through.........
All the best! Write again if you like!
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A
male
reader, Allen +, writes (14 May 2010):
Hi,
There's no doubt about it your situation is hard and your thoughts are valid, however I want you to look at yourself from another angle. The first thing that comes to my mind is that you're a lucky person, you know why? Because what you're going through is called experience and that's what people pay fortune to get. Believe me this period of time in your life is going to pass before you even realise it and things are going to be ok but meanwhile you need to go through ups and downs from which you'll learn a lot.
Don't be depressed, believe me it's not worth it be positive and try to take a different aproach to the situation. If I was you, i'd go to that guy and ask him very simply in a straight forward way whether he wants you or not. If he says yes, it's great with him you can work out the rest. And if he says no, it's great as well because then at least you it. I know it needs a bit of guts to ask someone that kind of questions but you gotta be confident to do it, life is full of that kind of circumstances and you need to face them with big heart. Don't be afraid that he might say no to you, remember it's all experience and that what makes you an interesting person that people want to be with. Experience! Don't hesitate to step out of your comfort zone!
Apart from that, be sure that there will be a lot guys out there who will make you forget this particular one it's just that you haven;t met them yet.
Hope this help.
A xx
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