A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here's the thing, I can't talk to any of my friends or family about this because I have lied to them and made my life to be something more honorable than it really is. I have a hard time NOT sleeping with guys when I get the chance to, not any guy, but the guys I'm interested in or exes when I see them. Right now I've been talking to this wonderful guy and we are not official but he goes out of town and both of us have an idea that we will be official soon, the thing is that I've slept with my ex fling during this time with talking with him. I think that I'm deathly afraid of commitment and I'm way more comfortable sleeping around. I'm used to sleeping with this same guy, we've been sleeping together and just only that for four years off and on. I really like this other guy but I know it doesn't seem that way since I've been sleeping with my ex fling. I've been drinking a lot and smoking a ton. I need someone to talk to to get my life straightened out and I've been watching 7th heaven and wish i knew someone like that minister who gets all these types of cases. I've been telling my friends that I haven't seen this ex fling guy in a long time but now i feel like i'm living a double life and i know my friends don't need to know every move i make, but I just want to learn how to make the right decision. I need to hear advice on how to get on the right path. things I've done so far:I've decided to quit smoking upI've made a five year plan for my life with such goals I want to achieve by that timeI decided to spend more time with my family and with the friends I know are good influences and fade out the ones who influence my bad behavior...do you think there is anything else I could do to get on the right track?BTW...I am in college and I do focus on that, but the weekends and nights is when I let myself go wild.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): i think that you should take one day at a time. weigh things out follow your heart. just be smart use your head and think before all of your actions i think that the decisions that you have decided are a great turn around keep up the good work and have faith in yourself.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 It sounds to me like you could have low self-esteem. The behaviour you describe is very much in keeping with that.
I suggest you buy and read this book, it's a truly incredible book on the subject written by a leading clinical psychologist (ie it's not a fluffy self-help book):
http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Chain-Self-Esteem-Marilyn-Sorensen/dp/0966431502
If you find it connects strongly with you, then look for a therapist / councillor who has experience in this area. The book (and their website) has lots of references for this.
...............................
A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (7 June 2010):
Maybe when you feel down or depressed not to use sex as a crutch. Be honest with yourself and this guy, talk openly and freely, tell him how you feel, if you guys are really that close to being "official" it might hurt him terribly to know that you've been/or are prone to sleeping with your exes whenever they want a booty call. If you did care that much then you wouldn't think of sleeping with other guys out of respect for him but more importantly yourself. There will always be no shortage of guys who want to have sex with an easy lay, they're using you. Try to abstain from sex or situations which could lead you to having sex. Think of this guy and yourself because if you do really like him then your actions and these secrets won't be a great start to this relationship.
...............................
|
