A
female
age
30-35,
*ly09
writes:And its making my boyfriend of 13 months to nearly give up on me after giving me my last chance to change! I hate to admit it but i get bugged when he goes out with his friends because there might be a girl, i get mad when he talks to a new girl for example over myspace, even though he doesn't flirt but he's just really nice and i worry. I over analyze any bad facial expression or if he doesn't text what i expected. All of this is stressing him out so much but i don't know how to stop because its all i think about as much i try to control it and not tell him, deep down inside i constantly worry about something happening behind my back even though there's nothing and he's proven it as well as put up with so much from me, how to i stop?? I freak myself out sometimes!How do i just let it all go and trust him?
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female
reader, ily09 +, writes (24 May 2009):
ily09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just feel like I'm very paranoid that something might happen all the time,since I've been played by my ex so that makes me question guys intentions but i don't want to lose a great guy because of MY trust issues.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I had the same problem in my relationship. It was my first gf and she had been with other guys before me, she didn't tell me til a few months in and needless to say I didn't take it well. I worried if she would hook up and see a friend of hers who she had a fling with. Things didn't go well, until I had to reconcile my feelings and talk them out with her.
Conselling, friends and even some family helped me in dealing with the way I felt. You need to figure out WHY you feel the way you feel. You're boyfriend probably feels that you don't trust him and he's trying to prove to you that he's trustworthy, same scenario I had with my girl. But, talk to each other and be honest. Don't force yourself into a relationship if you feel you aren't ready.
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A
female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (24 May 2009):
 Look on the positive side - you've got a boyfriend, he clearly likes you a lot and he's shown he's trustworthy by not flirting with all the other girls. What more do you want? I'm afraid the problem is your own lack of self confidence. Why is he with you? He's with you because he wants to be with you, he finds you attractive, he enjoys being with you. He's chosen you above all the other girls and he's not being tempted away. So please try very very hard to have more confidence in yourself and love yourself. At the moment you are doing everything to drive him away. Unfortunately you can't be together all the time so you have to trust each other. It's a two way thing, he may also feel the same way about you but doesn't show it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Doesn't really sound like you are ready to be in any kind of relationship but he may make that decision for you by not putting up with this. You have a lot of insecurity issues to work on and usually this isn't accomplished through a guy, more like being on your own and working on yourself. There's not a thing in the world he can do to make you "better" and it looks as though he's figuring this out. Go to therapy or something.
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