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I'm hurting... how can I learn to trust him again?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 January 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been in a relationship now for 3 years and now have a 3 month old baby boy who we love amazingly, 3 months into the relationship my boyfriend went away to America and ended up extending it. I did ask if he had met someone else as it was odd, he was phoning me every day telling me he loves me like crazy and missing me and wants to come home, months after he got back I just had this feeling deep down he had been up to no good. I stayed at his one weekend and he was at work for the morning. For some reason I felt I needed to look under his washing basket and that's where I found letters and a CD full of pics of a girl he met. He came home from work, I was calm and just asked him to tell me the truth. We are very strong and very much in love with each other so he opened up and told me everything.

A year down the line we broke up for 5 months and ended up getting back together, he was due to go away on holiday and I said it would be better if he went away first then we'll give it ago when he gets back as I felt going on a lads holiday, he would end up meeting someone. He insisted we get back together, he wanted to prove to me he loved me, again I asked him if anything happened and again he said no. Months later we planned to have a baby when I was 2 months pregnant, I had that feeling again so I did a very wrong thing and looked into his mail and found loads of mail from a girl he met on holiday, poems that broke my heart, again he said he only kissed her! I even emailed her to find out what really happend and she never replied. I looked at the date, emails did stop before we planned to have a family, he was writing to her as if I was no longer going to be in his life and he invited her up for a night out and to his 30th birthday party which I was going to be at.

I know they're no longer in touch and he's promised me he will never do anything like that again as we now have our baby and we now live together but now I'm home my mind is going really into things and I'm really hurting and don't know how to get over the past, I don't want to keep asking him questions who's texting him who's he phoning, I just want to be happy and trust him but every day I get myself soooo down.

Many thanks

lisa

View related questions: at work, broke up, get back together, on holiday, text, want to be happy

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2009):

AskEve agony auntHe needs to earn your trust back and that will take time. It seems that whenever he goes on holiday he can't keep it in his pants and up till now he's been full of empty promises! If he has nothing to hide then he will have no hesitation letting you see his phone, his emails or anything else if it reassures you. Why don't you ask him?

~Eve~

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