A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm... In a bit of a pickle. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend of about 8 months, and thought everything was cool. I even went out and joined a local community group. There, I met this guy. He's kind, caring, likes giving hugs, compliments me, etc. Meanwhile, my bf would often treat me like a child, trying to control what I ate, pushing me away even went I went to hold his hand, not wanting to say I love you, and, my personal favorite, "I'm not one of those guys who tells you what you want to hear. They're weak!" If I asked a friend for advice, I was automatically making him out to be a monster, and he would get withdrawn and sullen.He recently went away for three weeks, and I grew closer to the other guy, who I shall call B. He always checked on me to we ho I was doing, and we became quite close. Turns out that he's married, with kids. I didn't want to cause any trouble, so I kept my crush to myself. Then one evening, he drove me home after a meeting. We'd been joking around and mock flirting as usual, and I guess I should have seen it coming. He reached over and took my hand, then started stroking my leg. He eventually put his hand between my legs, and I'm ashamed to admit that I was turned on. When arriving at my place, I invited him in for a coffee (yeah, I know, stupid of me). He came in for a few moments, and then said he had to be home. Before he left, he hugged me goodnight... And kissed me. I didn't kiss back, and was a little stunned. (Physical notes: this will sound totally self-centered, but I think part of his attraction is that I'm on incredibly physically different than his wife - I'm thinner, curvier, younger, etc.)We spoke on MSN a few times, and he said it was just a timing thing, he had to get home before his wife got suspicious. He said she was more like a roommate to him, and he was extremely attracted to me. He also said it (leaving me) was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.We made plans to hang out after the next meeting, but I've realized that I can't do this. I can't do something that might destroy a family. My bf knows I like B, but is wary of him. (He doesn't know about the kiss/fondling.) Just now, I noticed that B posted a video of a poem that could either be dedicated to me or his wife.On one hand, I'm horrified that I let it get so far. I could never forgive myself if something happened. But... I do enjoy the feeling of being doted on, cared for and treated like a queen.Does anyone have any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Well, get away from this guy.
He's knows exactly what he is doing.
You will regret this for the rest of your life if you let this affair progress...and you have no idea how much pain it will cause on the other end to the wife.
Get a new boyfriend that appreciates you, not a married man who knows you have one that doesn't and knows you crave the appreciation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Yes, stay away from married men. They are in sacred, private relationships even if they dont make it seem like it. If they treat them any different that shows lack of respect and dignity and that should be a turn off for women seeking maturity and any kind of relationship be it sexual or friends. Its cool if u date him, however, he is married. BIG boundary there. As for your current bf...he sounds horribly immature, controlling, and kind of abusive. You def dont deserve that and should possibly get out of it, figure out what you want in a guy, recover if needed from your relationship, learn from it, and move on. Keep your distance with the married guy...his emotions involved (and yours as well) can and i will almost guarantee cloud judgment for both of you. Good luck.
On a personal note, I once worked for a lawyer who cheated on his wife openly and got me involved by wanting me to participate in his "sexual endeavors", one of which involved running back adrian peterson. I stayed out. He had three kids, his wife was awesome and I respected her, and even tho he had authority, I told him to eff off and stood my ground as I was against what he was doing.
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