A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been having an affair with one of my collegues for over a year now. He has since proceeded with his divorce and it will be final at the end of the month. I have not even filed. My husband and i were only married 4 mos before i began this affair. i know its wrong, very wrong to lie to my husband, and very not fair. i have told him in the past about our relationship, but swore it would never happen aagain. and for ahwile i was really good and committed to making it work. But i was also sad when i couldnt be with "Nathan". I dont want to lose my very bestfriend in my husband, but i dont really feel there is anything there anymore? I'm very young, and dont want to hurt anyone or ruin anything. but i have to be truly happy right!? please help...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SallySoMe  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Starting an affair 4 mnths into a marriage says a lot about a person's readiness to be tied down.
If you regard your husband as your best friend, maybe that is exactly the role he occupies in your life. Do the right thing & cut him loose then be free to discover what it is you really want.
Marriage is a huge commitment not for the faint-hearted. One can easiy make or break one's spirit within a marriage, live in abject unhappiness or continue limping along with an inadequate relationship that is not sustainable in the long term.
A
male
reader, MotownPhilly +, writes (9 December 2008):
Hi there. You said that your colleuge is getting divorced, but you haven't said what either of you really want. Does he want to be with you after he is divorced? Are you in love? You said you've been involved with Nathan for over a year? So you were before you got married? I'm curious, what your reasons were for still getting married? No accusations, I'm just wondering.And you haven't said what it is that you think you want. You said your husband is your best friend. Do you love him? Do you have children?There is a lot more to your story, I think...
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A
female
reader, marv6 +, writes (9 December 2008):
 i have been in the same situation. i had an affair with a man that i ended up falling in love with. the only reason i told my husband is that there was a possibility that our youngest son was not his. i never wanted to hurt him bat at the same time he had a major affair when i was pregnant with our 2nd child. i feel you should let your heart lead the way and find out what is best for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): As you know, what you are doing is so wrong. You are playing with fire and this can "blow up" in your face.
Before you make any impulsive decisions, please go for counseling. I think you need counseling urgently to find yourself. You cannot continue like this, and your husband does not deserve this either. PLEASE get professional help from a counselor.
"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and along these fibres, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back as effects". (quote by Herman Melville).
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A
male
reader, Neeraj060  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 I am relly sorry to tell but someone will be hurt and his whole life will change for Good or Bad.
It is really SAD to know that you have been married for only a few months just to be with someone else.
If you wanted to be happy Why did you get married in the first place.You are ruing not 1 but 2 life's.First your husband and the Second would your boyfriends wife.
But what has been done can't be changed for if you both want to be together then you have to explain your husband and don't lie to him....
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