A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 33, married 7 years (but I've been with my husband for 13 years) and have 2 kids, one 14 (from a previous relationship) and one 2. I've never been single from the time I was 17. When I met my husband, I had just gotten out of a relationship. I did not want to get into another one at that time, but he pursued me and I thought maybe it was best to be with him because I felt noone would want to be with someone who had a kid (I was 20 at the time). In a way I always resented him for not letting me be single. Silly I know, I should have blamed myself.I never felt that passion or connection with him, yet I married him. After the wedding, I went into a postmordem depression. I never did take his last name and I don't even have a joint bank account with him. I guess that shows the level of committment I had in the relationship. Over the years, I grew to love him more but that passion which I longed for was never there. He's a wonderful man, a great husband, provider, and father. Lately, for the past year, I've been feeling worse. I feel like disappearing, running away. The stress of work, responsibilities of being a mother and wife, everything has really gotten to me. I thought it was the lack of passion in my marriage so I sought other men for sexual satisfaction. I realize now that there are more deeper issues then that. I woke up one day and thought to myself, I'm almost 34 and I feel like I have not accomplished anything in my life. The dreams I had when I was younger I have not even fullfilled. I've lost the passion for life, for living. I feel resentful because I feel like I've had to sacrifice everything I've ever wanted for the family. All the decisions I've made have been for my husband and kids. I've become bored and restless. I feel like I've checked out. I've lost myself, I don't know who I am. I'm on the verge of leaving and I feel so confused and alone. I don't think anyone will understand what I'm going through. I think it's midlife crisis. What do I do? What can I do? I feel so guilty for feeling this way and I don't want to hurt my husband or kids, but I can't continue living this way.
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female
reader, icelordess + ♥, writes (29 October 2008):
 You're not alone..alot of us will understand what you're going through...we've been there. It sucks, doesn't it? You feel like you should be happy, you've got everything that you're supposed to have..and yet something is missing...and every day you just wake up and think "Ok, is that all there is?" Its part of life darling....I woke up one day when I was about 32-33, and realized that I was never going to anyone special...not a person that did anything really wonderful, all my dreams had gone out the window..I was like you, I had 2 beautiful kids, a really nice husband, brand new house, nice job..and YETsomething was missing. Ok, there are options..anonymous pointed out a great book, you can seek counselling, perhaps you get your husband to go? Go to college or get some new kind of training, anything that interests you and you've always wanted to do but never could find the time?? Find something to do FOR YOU! But do something dear..don't sink into deep depression about this. Are you close to your mom, perhaps she could tell you if she ever felt this way? My mom was a big source of comfort for me, because I thought I was going crazy! Alot of us go through this, I promise, you aren't the only one. Focus on the good things in your life, try to do something that will make you feel better about yourself, and it'll take time, but it will get better. And if it doesn't PLEASE seek out medical help ok? Its no fun going through life feeling you are only half alive!
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