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I'm gay and my boyfriend wants to have sex but I'm scared that he will hurt me

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2014)
A male United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Ok s first of all im gay. My boyfriend of a month really wants to have sex. But im scared to because im the bottom and his penis is very large and hes really rough whenever we have fooled around before. What should i do because i honestly think i would cry if we had sex and he would just cum inside me and leave without taking care of my needs at all.

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A male reader, andypops South Africa +, writes (3 March 2014):

I have the same problem, just seem to be the rough lover, my bf told me that he was scared and I tried to push him, but I was so wrong to do so. rather go and tell him how u feel and if he says horrid thing dump his sorry ass.

After my man told me we have had a very good relationship so far, I love him now even more that he told me because u need to agree with each others problems, just ask him for some time and you will grow confident and when you do it will be the most amazing experience u will ever have

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A male reader, Seoras United Kingdom +, writes (20 February 2013):

tbh i lost v-card at 12 and i was ready to have sex with my bf.

heres a couple of tips:

1) if u arnt ready to hav sex tell him to go slow.

2) if hes rough try to tell him not to be to rough.

3) if he really loves u he will respect ur decision and respect u.

4) if u arnt ready just plaay around with him until u r. (thats wot i did with my bf).

5) if hes older and putting to much pressure ask him if he really loves u and not just using u as a toy.


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A male reader, Kishmish United States +, writes (21 December 2012):

Ok, I understand how you feel

I have a loving bf but you shouldn't have sex with a guy who is mean

I got lucky and found the perfect guy

you obviously need more time to find him but he is somewhere keep looking just leave your current relationship before he hurts you

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A female reader, confusedasusual United States +, writes (12 October 2012):

You are way to young to be involved in a sexual relationship. And the fact you say he isnt gentel is a sure sign to get out of the relationship now. I started dating my ex when I was only 13, having sex when I was 14 and from the very first time we had sex he was rough with me and it only got worse. He became very aggressive during sex leaving me in tears many times and then became physically abusive. If he doesnt respect you enough to make you happy leave

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (12 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony aunt1. you are too young truly to be thinking of sex

2. IF YOU ARE SCARED YOU ARE NOT READY no matter how old you are

3. he does not sound very loving and kind so I'm not sure why he's a good boyfriend

4. ONE month at your age is not a long time to be dating and is not NEARLY enough time for sexual activity.

I assume you guys are doing other things other than penetration... leave it at that...

is he older than you?

if he is pressuring you then he's not a very good boyfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012):

Wait until you are old enough legally because in those few years you will mature and also learn more about people in general. Advice to anyone considering losing their virginity would be to wait for someone who respects you as a person and your body. If he is rough with you messing around you are right to be concerned that he will hurt you.

So this guy is obviously not the one for you. Because anyone who isn't considerate of your feelings and only does things for their own pleasure is not worth your time at all.

You are young and in the small social circles of school it may feel difficult to find a boyfriend. But once you are 16 and start a new college or sixth form and later on progress to uni your world will change so dramatically. There will be someone out there who is going to love and respect you.

You might meet them in 6 months, a year or even 2 years from now but when you do take the time to get to know them. Doing sexual things with someone too early and you will not be encouraging them to earn your affection. The guy you're with now you've only been with for a month, in the future take a little more time getting to know someone and only let them near you if they deserve you. Your current bf does not deserve you if he's being rough.

Good Luck x

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (12 October 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Excuse me ? The age of consent for sex, gay or straight, is 16 in UK. Having sex with an underage boy ( even if he is consenting ) is a criminal offence. "Sex " meaning penetrative sex, oral sex and masturbating together .

If he is over 18, - basically they can lock him up and throw the key away.

If he is over 16, he can get two years for indecent assault.

If he's your same age... I don't know , I suppose Social Services would get involved and you'd possibly end up in some group home or something ( since your home environment can't guarantee you are safe from sexual assaults ).

Ah but nobody would ever find out ... says you ! How do you know ? Do you want to risk, for something you are not even sure you'd enjoy ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012):

In my book, its a definite no.

I don't advise anyone between the ages of 13-15 to have sex, and much less anal sex.

Obviously I'm aware that anal sex is the only form of penetrative sex in gay male relationships, but I just think at your age its far too soon and risky. The back passage wasn't designed for such things, and can be damage more easily by doing so than a vagina, which is designed for it.

I think you should do some research into anal sex first to understand it better, the risks involved, and ways you could do it safer and make it more comfortable and enjoyable.

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A male reader, Hennessy1989 United Kingdom +, writes (12 October 2012):

Hennessy1989 agony auntYour clearly being pressured into this, if your not ready then don't do it, you've only been with him a month, your young, too young but don't do this just because he wants it, only do it if your comfortable

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012):

One month maybe a little fast? Also are you sure you actually want to have sex regardless at this age, or you making your decision for the better of his interests?

Quite honestly in my opinion your not ready to be doing this at your age, and it kinda sounds like your not sure either. If you are not stand your ground, don't let him have his way, if he cares he'll wait, if he doesn't then he probably is worried about himself anyway...if you really think your ready then you'll just have to discuss this with him.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (12 October 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

Personally I think your way too young. And,as you feel as you do it, would be best to wait.The fact he is rough with you doesn't make it sound like it would be a good experience.

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