A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm starting over at the age of 25. I had everything. A husband, a house, planning for children. We are getting a divorce after only a year and a half of marriage. I feel embarrassed it was so short. I feel terrified of starting over. I feel old even though logically I know I'm not. I'm so scared of dating again. I've gotten to the point of embarrassing myself with my (ex) husband trying to convince him to stay together. I see families and husbands and wives and I'm so jealous. I don't understand why ours couldn't work. I feel like the last 4 years of my life have gotten me nowhere. I'm right back to where I started. And since I won't be dating anytime soon I won't be having a family and children for many years when I am ready now. I'm having such a rough time with this divorce. I need advice from other people who had to start over. Even though the divorce rate is at 50% I still see married couples and feel I am going through this alone. If I can't make it in a marriage for more than a year and a half how do I know I'll ever make it with anyone...?
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (20 July 2014):
So happy for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I am happy to report that I am in a much better place now. The divorce was finalized in march of this year. This was written about 2 days after I moved out of the house I lived in with my ex husband. So it was a very rough time immediately following. I changed so much in that relationship and I was so desperate to hang onto it and not be alone that I didn't realize it was none of what I wanted. It was what HE wanted and what I thought I wanted to get him to come back.
About 2 months after this phase my ex husband did contact me and wanted to work on it. I had met someone else completely by accident and had to make a decision between the two of them, or more so a decision on whether I even wanted to be married to my ex. I did not. After much begging etc I told him we need the divorce. Now I am in a relationship with the other man. Regardless of whether it works or not I know I made the right decision to get the divorce.
Thank you very much for all the advice. Especially to the posters who said I don't need the house kids and "normal" life. It really reminded me that was never what I was about and hardly a life I even wanted.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I get the feeling that you're taking the divorce like a personal failure on your part. The thing is, its NOT. You did everything that you could to save the marriage and when you couldnt, you decided to part ways. That's much better than living in a loveless, dead marriage and remember, you are not answerable to ANYONE about this.
OP its normal to feel jittery about future prospects and to question everything at this point. But trust you, you will get through this phase and gain confidence to face the world again. Lots of people have found love and happy successful marriages after a divorce, many of my friends are divorced and remarried and living very happily.
Don't try to force anything on yourself. I'm 30 but I was never into the marriage/house/children scene. I had always known that things would happen when I wanted them to, not when society wants them to happen. Like most others, I too have had my share of disastrous relationships and have been in the depths of despair when I never thought I could pull myself together. But I have and I'm very happy where I am now.
Never lose hope and always think positive. You know OP, I just read something recently that made so much sense.
"Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can."
Always remember this OP. Everything will fall into place and you will find the happiness that you deserve. Give yourself time to grieve over the relationship and then move on and never look back. When you plunge yourself into the world of dating again, don't let your failed marriage burden you. You're lucky to be starting life all over again and leaving a not-so-happy past behind. Dont look at the cup as half empty, the "happy" married couples that you see might have lives that you might never want for yourself. Don't compare your life with others.
Be positive and draw strength from family and friends. Adopt a pet, get a hobby, keep yourself busy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Maybe you should look up a divorce support group. There are those online, and there are those in-person in your area. Look in craigslist for local in-person support groups.25 is very young. Many of my friends didn't marry until their 30's, and were divorced and remarried in their 40s.just give yourself time and try to learn to be an independent single. At your age many of your peers are still single so go out with your single friends, or make new friends who are single. right now you sound a bit needy and dependent, even though realistically the husband you had was a crap one yet you're still clinging not to him as a person but to the role he fulfilled. 'I'm starting over at the age of 25. I had everything. A husband, a house, planning for children. "try to stop seeing the purpose of life as acquiring the stereoytypical things on a checklist: "Husband- check. House - check. Kids - check."The purpose of life is not follow the herd and do what you perceive everyone else to be doing, let alone on the same time frame! why is it such a loss to not have the husband-house-kids? Those things close the door on a lot of opportunities, permanently. You can no longer travel the world, you can no longer pursue a lot of hobbies or jobs or interests, you can no longer be adventurous or learn what it's like to have adventure. Lots of people would give ANYTHING to not have the traditional spouse-house-kids to tie them down. You'll be fine, don't worry. If you want to get married again you will, but first you need to get back to the place where you're OK being on your own and without a need to be in a relationship. Or if you were never OK as a single now is the time for personal growth. Therefore just take it one day at a time and focus on your own life as a single, don't be constantly on the lookout for a new relationship or you will be vulnerable to another crap relationship (people who are afraid to be on their own will jump into any relationship with anyone no matter how unwise and you don't want to do that). don't look around at other couples, you have no idea what their life is like. They could be on the verge of divorce any minute, or next week one of them could discover their partner has been cheating, you never know! With the divorce rate at 50% it's likely 1 in 2 couples you envy today will be divorced in 5 years' time and then they will be "starting over" (if you want to call it that, though I don't like that term as it implies losing ground) at an older age than you are now.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (9 August 2013):
I'm sorry you are going through a divorce. Starting anything new and going it alone is scary. The first year of divorce is hard. It is a lot of first and not knowing what to do with yourself.
What about support from family? Friends? How about joining the gym? Going back to take some night courses? Pick up an old hobby that you enjoy doing.
You just need to focus on today. Try and let go off yesterday. It is gone. I'm a big believer that things happen for the better. To make you better, strong as a person.
Take this on to be a challenge. Grab a hold of this new opportunity. When one door closes another will open.
Best Wishes....You are going to be ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): Stop agonizing over something you cannot change anymore.
Its done and its over.
Look for other options to start all over.
Like, getting a job or putting up a business.
Make yourself busy.
When we break up with someone or divorced like your case, it happens for a reason. God knows what is best for you.
I'm sure it will not happen without a valid reason.
Whatever the reasons are, you just have to accept.
Nothing is permanent in this world.
All you need to do is, to get up, start all over and be productive. you should read my article forgetting someone you love the quickest way.
Kindly visit my column and read it. It will help you a little.
Be strong, its only hard at the beginning but you'll be ok.
Pray a lot.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 August 2013):
 How about trying a divorce support group or meetup? It may be a struggle to find people your age in the same situation, but you'll still gain perspective and be around people who understand what you're feeling.
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