A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have done something extremely stupid and now I don't really know what to do. A few months ago my mom died and I admit to being depressed, irrational and trying to find a fragment of myself. My friend got tired of me locking myself up in the house and took me out for drinks and clubbing. When we got in the club I saw him immediately and like when going shopping seeing the perfect shoe, I knew I had to have him. I've only had that once before and I've always been too much of a goody two shoes to do much about it. So I went up to him, flirted like crazy and ended up kissing him and exchanging phone numbers. This should all have ended here, but he turned out not to be a complete monster and actually a really great guy so after the first date I could not think of one good reason not to go back to his place and a series of sexual encounters followed. All of them being really great..and to be quite honest it was my first time. I didn't want to tell him in order not to freak him (or myself) out. It just felt really good and before I could never do it cause it just didn't feel right. So now here I am...after trying to be indifferent and thinking I could break the "rules" without them breaking me. I'm broken. He's away for christmas and won't be back for awhile meanwhile I'm here fighting depression (he doesn't know anything about any of that) and realizing that a first time is not something to be taken lightly. I'm falling hard and I've not been in contact with him, but nothing can come of this, right? I've always been taught that sleeping with a guy on the first date will always cause him to think you're a slut and he'll never take you seriously. Despite my doubts (why haven't I heard from him bla bla) I know that when he comes back or before that I will hear from him. We did have a connection and I have no idea what to do.
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